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BANGKOK 25 April 2019 00:53
Browncow3

Long term relationship with broke Thai man

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Thank you to everybody for the thoughtful feedback. I appreciate not being attacked. Excuse the lists but it's easier for me to collect my thoughts - I would like to add:

1. We are intellectually matched - has nothing to do with education - different lifestyles yes. And honestly - I envy his life style and care-free - the universe will take care of me type of attitude. I even admire it.

2. After 35 years of relationships - I believe every man (person) has his faults and you have to decide which you are prepared to deal with. For example he is not a ladies man, fooling around, out drinking all night etc. which I would find intolerable. His 'fault' is one of financial naivety. Something I don't find offensive just challenging.

3. I don't subscribe to the traditional idea that a man should support a woman - sometimes the roles are swapped. I am prepared to support my children with or without a man - yes it will be difficult, maybe awfully difficult, but not impossible.

4. He definitely does feel emasculated. He wouldn't let me buy him a birthday present saying I spend too much money on him.

I feel that with an open conversation about my expectations he will absolutely come to the party. I just need to decide what to ask for.

I'm really looking for ideas on how he can pull his weight in ways that aren't financial.

Sorry if this is getting boring...

Anyone else got something to say? Male perspectives are welcome too.

Edited by Browncow3
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Does he have any marketable skills? Perhaps you and him and go into business together. That may motivate him, especially if he takes out a loan and has to pay it back.

Curious, but if you two come from totally different social classes and backgrounds, how did you meet?

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In a marriage small problems become big problems with time. I don't think it would ever work out. Why would you want to put yourself thru such torture and wast your precious time with someone, and know in the end it was a waste of time and effort.

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does he go out and do a full days work 6 days a week, which is quite common here?

if so then he is contributing as much as he can in terms of showing willing to work and contribute as much as he can

you could try giving him an incentive to work by agreeing to double his earnings. so the more he works and earns from work the more he'll get from you.

clearly something has to change as resentment in a relationship can be very damaging. it can be difficult to get over unless the other party recognizes their real or perceived short comings and is prepared to do something about it.

an american female friend of mine dated a very pleasant thai guy for a while but the class (he low, her middle) and cultural difference were too much. the fact he was basically a lazy person didnt help.

good luck though!

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Maybe you can give him a monthly allowance, thousands of farang men do it every month in Thailand. it would make me question whether its a genuine relationship or for money, same again farang men. You can probably assume the money situation won't change, he will always depend on you. If you don't mind that then again it's fine. Same situation back home men supporting women for generations.

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