Patsycat Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I have found in my "fifty years of relationships!!" there are good un's and bad un's from all nationalities. I have had boyfriends who have showered me with gifts and nice restaurants, some who have only offered me his last rollo. Men are strange. But from your OP, you seem more concerned about your age and about having a child than about your relationship. You are still young and can have loads of kids for at least the next few years. Look at Boo - she's had at least 4 since the last one!! That we don't know about!! And i've had three kittens. Back to your lazy boyfriend. It's about time you stop mollycoddling him. Put your cards on the table. Tell him you feel used, tell his mates, tell his family - you are out of there unless he changes his ways. You are still young - you can find someone who appreciates you and is on your level work wise, financially wise, etc. to have beautiful babies with. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 He's like that because he doesn't know what to do with himself. The moment he finds something to wake up for in the morning, he will be the busiest man in the world. Find out what he loves to do, what's his passion etc and he will do it willingly, while money will follow automatically. And, will the good witch of the North help you find the wizard, so all of this will happen, especially the money part? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 It sounds as if the baby may be the more important issue. Many women have raised wonderful children by themselves, especially if they have only the child to support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madmax6889 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 He sounds quite lazy to me! Thailand has the lowest unemployment rate in the world so it should be pretty easy to find a job that pays at least 10 to 15 thousand a month. What's gonna happen if you have kids with this man? You will need time off to look after them. Or you let his family have your child to look after while you work??? Thai men are seen as a failure if they can't provide for their families. Sorry for being harsh but I have a family here and its not cheap...food, school fees..etc... hey what are you talking about unemployment is HUGE HERE without a job in Thailand.. .. must be unofficially about 15-20% unemployment at any one time.. its hart to find something paying 10 or 15 thousand in bkk let alone a village.. easy to get jobs are all 300 bht per day... and those get filled by lao or kambodians for 250 per day instead.. anyway sad to admit but this guy is a bum ... if he needs any money to survive hes already <deleted> up at that point... where was he getting it before he met her??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuckyLew Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Sounds more like you have found a perfect Mr Mom You can work your job after marriage and he can stay home and raise the kids full time Nothing wrong with that I stay home all day and tend to our daughter while my GF works at a hospital in Bangkok But then again I retired early and am ok for money Talk to him about this scenerio It might be what you both want Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Browncow3 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Sounds more like you have found a perfect Mr Mom You can work your job after marriage and he can stay home and raise the kids full time Nothing wrong with that I stay home all day and tend to our daughter while my GF works at a hospital in Bangkok But then again I retired early and am ok for money Talk to him about this scenerio It might be what you both want Thanks for the sound advice LuckyLew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goinghomesoon Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I'm not sure if you are still reading this after all these negative posts, but I will give you my 2 cents - Your description could have been my husband almost word for word...10 years ago. In the beginning I supported him almost entirely. After a few years we moved to my country and he began working - longer hours and harder work than me. At times he made more money than I did and supported me. We now have a child and he stays at home and takes care of him while I work. Not because he doesn't want to work, but because I love my job and don't want to give it up, and he loves our son and would rather be the one to take care of him than send him to some stranger all day long. He will never make a ton of money, and that is something that I have had to come to terms with. But what he lacks in monetary riches he by far makes up in so many other aspects of our life. He is an amazing dad, as are all the men in his family, and I am so thankful that he chose to share his life with me. Everyone has a different story, so I can't say what life with your boyfriend will be like. I have seen some sad stories, and families fallen apart over these same issues. But I have seen MANY stay together, and I urge you to follow what your instincts tell you. If you think he's a good man, he probably is. If you think he is trying to take advantage of you...he probably is. My advice, though, is to leave Thailand. Maybe not forever, but for a while. Most of the people I know with successful relationships no longer live there. Thank you Sunspun...could have been me writing this post. Best thing DH and I ever did was leave Thailand. Maybe our hubbies were twins in a past life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doridorci Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 ...it's easy to nod...smile...say 'yes'...to anything you say..... ..for obvious reasons..... ..and you haven't a clue what he does when you go off to work..... ...so does it sound reasonable to sign your life away....or half of it at least....on a 'maybe'.... ...as fot the math....as someone mentioned....it seems like you have practically no time at all to decide..... BEST answer, based on own experience with thai men.... 1 more addition: fyi in Thailand women are in charge of taking care about financials of the family. BUT men do work also. What they bring home you will be expected to manage. Alarming if he does not bring home too much and is not even eager to do so... My advice: RUN..!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAJIC Posted October 30, 2015 Share Posted October 30, 2015 When one partner is not contributing their fair share in the relationship,you either accept this as the norm, or say goodbye to respect! because the resentment will surely build up to breaking point! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSiemReaper Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 This is really a question of personal values - not a relationship question. You need to ask yourself whether his lack of ability to contribute to the household finances is a deal breaker or not. Only you can answer that question. It's a yes/no answer and either answer is absolutely fine. No-one else (and certainly not people on a forum) can define your values for you. I've been with people where it would have been a deal break and I've been with people who would have been happy to live in a cardboard box as long as we were together; neither group was better, nicer, kinder, etc. than the other - they just had different requirements for their lives. I've been in Asia for 12 years now. All my relationships, including my fairly short-lived marriage, have been financially uneven. I have always offered a small allowance (from my perspective) for them to shop, do family stuff, etc. and I take care of all the main bills. But, if they want something else - they either work for it or they save for it. I won't shell out on their every demand. I explain that I work for my money, while they do not. That the allowance they get is generous enough that it's more than most people in their country earn - there's more than enough for them to save for the big things or they can choose temporary joy instead and spend their money as soon as they get it. This allows me to budget properly and them to learn financial responsibility. It's actually quite heart-warming to see how pleased they are when they've saved for something big too - it's often the first time in their lives where they've done something like that. It will often help instil the habit for the future. Other than that, I don't discuss money at all or let it creep into our daily lives. There's really no need. Income disparity is incredibly normal in Asia between Western-Asian couples (it is back home too - just to a much lesser extent); you need to decide whether you can live with that or not. Either choice you make is fine. Children talk about "love conquering all" but the truth is that we need to live in harmony with our values or love doesn't last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gutenberg Posted March 15, 2016 Share Posted March 15, 2016 you could try giving him an incentive to work by agreeing to double his earnings. so the more he works and earns from work the more he'll get from you. Just thinking of this if my wife would do this with me. I would have hard times getting my men cards back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madusa Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 Hi Browncow, When I was a kid I didn't know that my dad who worked as a clerk spent all his money and didn't give anything to my mum. Until I was a little older my eldest brother told me about it. My mum worked so hard, she had a business and fed the whole family, finally died from overworked. I guess my mum really loved my dad to put up with this sort situation. Love doesn't always last that long, but if you really like the person you will make an effort to put up with all the troubles in the years to come. Be prepared to work your guts out. I hope you are still reading this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madusa Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 On 21/02/2015 at 2:10 AM, losworld said: Just marry the guy and have kids. You will have to work and he can take care of the kids. Same thing as happens in many western relationships and probably with his time off it will be good for the kids. Don't aks too much and don't be afraid to give. Sounds like he has good qualities that can make you happy. Hey losworld, I think we share more or less the same thoughts. The day your were born you are a number, you cannot run away. It's like a clock work, everything will fall in place. That little ball in the casino didn't fall into the slot to make anyone happy or unhappy. You are writing your own software in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TallGuyJohninBKK Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 To the OP -- DOA.... Dead on Arrival. Look elsewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TallGuyJohninBKK Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 BTW, just to clarify, I didn't make the above comment because I think it's wrong or bad for a woman to support a man (and or her husband), just as men here in Thailand often support their wives. Rather, I said DOA because the OP hasn't even married this Thai man as yet, and she's already feeling the following kinds of negativity. That's what caused me to opine, the relationship ought to be DOA: Quote But... I have become resentful. When I wake up at 6 every morning to go to work and he stays and snoozes till whatever time.... when I work nights or weekends to make some extra cash for holidays and things and he is not contributing... If the OP is feeling that now so early in the game, it's only likely to get worse as time goes on...and their initial "honeymoon" period fades into the past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nausea Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 So we come back to the three questions every single woman should ask - Are you married? Are you gay? Do you have a job? No, no, and yes, go for it girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiang mai Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 I'm a British male and the OP describes perfectly my Thai wife in the few years after I met her, in the years since that situation has turned around remarkably. Firstly, the characteristics you describe apply to huge numbers of Thai nationals, nice people, capable of being industrious and not particularly motivated - lack of opportunity plays a large role in that. Living day to day and hand to mouth are part of a poor Thai persons life, they all do it and only a handful can manage money/finances, simply because they've never had training and they've never had money on which to practise. The turn around with my wife came when she finally began to study, at first is was Open University and she got her BA degree, the first in her family to ever do so. She then realised she is capable of study and learning and she began learning Mandarin, a daunting task if ever there was one! Today she has a credible life/business plan, she's almost fluent in Chinese and can read and write it and the nearby Four Seasons hotel came to her to ask of she will work for them - she's very pleased with that, as am I. Go for your relationship, if that what you want, don't let the absence of his financial management skills and career direction stand in your way, those things, with guidance, are capable of change. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexRich Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 It sounds like an economic relationship ... most common between an older western man and a younger Thai lady. The heart is ruling the head ... your incompatibility with your intended will likely come back to haunt you ... will he stick around once the children appear? If he doesn't, you have a big problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farang95 Posted September 27, 2016 Share Posted September 27, 2016 i met a women ..a thai women...she were 10 time more rich than me... got a huge family business...and she wanted us to have fun so she wanted to pay for everything....... i felt not good at all..... i am the man and i wanna do my part and pay some stuff...diner..party.... shopping.... i didn't want her to pay for everything and i never abuse of her condition ..... But about thai man ..they don't work that way.... if they can have money by themselves they will certainly do it .....with joy and with care....but if they can have money from you ..they will accept you and they will ask for your help ..... it is funny because lot of thai people are looking for job..they said the salary is shitty...and it is a hard work...work a lot of hour....but option for them to do a job on there own .... or a group business work.....are possible ..... i talked to a cooker .... he found a good place...near a 7/11 ..working at 12 pm till 1/2 am ..... for 6 day a weeks .....and trust me he is making a fortune.... and he got a good house ..good car...kids go to school ....and all is good for him..but it is a hard work..and he is doing it on hiw own with the support of some relative for the service..... Go to a market...any market..night market...Day market.......the business about clothes is extraordinary.....they make lot of money even if you think the concurrence is rude...they are still making lot of cash...enough for them to live a good life......and they don't complain ..they are free to work no stop for X time...and stop work cause they have the money to enjoy life and rest and travel ......... so i really change my mind recently ....i think it is important to make a difference ...to see if people make effort to survive......to live..... and not expecting all from other ...those people...even if they have good intention ...you must teach them the value of money...and the value of effort to make money.....and the fact that asking for help is normal....very normal....but there is a limit ....and they must respect it ! Your man can change ...especially if you have some kids with him ...but he can also disappear and never come back..... and still abuse of you for money.... all is possible...only you can know what to do .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oldkhwaay Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 You need to set the expectation: 1. When you get up for work, he gets up to get ready for "work" 2. His work is to do Everything around the home. Cooking, cleaning, ironing, etc. 3. Prepare evening meal 4. Look for a job! Manage this and check everyday what he has done to secure employment. If if he won't do this I think you know what the next step is. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dale59 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 If you're happy with being the bread winner, then welcome to my world! Wouldn't have it any other way! Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LandOfWiles Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Does anyone know browncow? In her (rather his) opening post she documented all the common problems that many male farangs face with female Thai partners. It was a crude piece of trolling! Thai farang relationships are almost exclusively farang man to Thai woman. Any Western woman that has fallen for a Thai man would almost never experience the problems in this opening post. Western women don't go to Go Go bars filled with unscrupulous Thai men dancing around poles (there's nothing wrong with that of course ) . In the very rare cases they do meet where a relationship might be possible, they meet in offices or some other professional setting and the Thai man is a stastical outlier. It's hard to imagine any case where they would come to TV for advice. This thread seems to have been created to mock those that have to support their partners financially. If you are happy, then just ignore the obviously unhappy moron that created this post. Note: I stopped reading after page three because I could not take any more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 On 03/02/2017 at 12:36 AM, LandOfWiles said: Does anyone know browncow? In her (rather his) opening post she documented all the common problems that many male farangs face with female Thai partners. It was a crude piece of trolling! Thai farang relationships are almost exclusively farang man to Thai woman. Any Western woman that has fallen for a Thai man would almost never experience the problems in this opening post. Western women don't go to Go Go bars filled with unscrupulous Thai men dancing around poles (there's nothing wrong with that of course ) . In the very rare cases they do meet where a relationship might be possible, they meet in offices or some other professional setting and the Thai man is a stastical outlier. It's hard to imagine any case where they would come to TV for advice. This thread seems to have been created to mock those that have to support their partners financially. If you are happy, then just ignore the obviously unhappy moron that created this post. Note: I stopped reading after page three because I could not take any more. You are probably right but.... you seem to be unaware of the Southern Beach Bum set-up (guitar is the essential prop). Lots of farang women meet South East Asian guys on the beaches. It is usually Indonesia but in Thailand Samui, Krabi and Phangan also common. The guy is typically broke and the farang woman, initially here on holiday, has funds and earning potential. So could be possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadhukar Posted March 12, 2018 Share Posted March 12, 2018 On 20/01/2018 at 12:35 PM, Briggsy said: You are probably right but.... you seem to be unaware of the Southern Beach Bum set-up (guitar is the essential prop). Lots of farang women meet South East Asian guys on the beaches. It is usually Indonesia but in Thailand Samui, Krabi and Phangan also common. The guy is typically broke and the farang woman, initially here on holiday, has funds and earning potential. So could be possible. Does this actually happen? I've met up with a few white 'teachers' in Bangkok and have asked them about it and it seems to not happen all that often - the poor accents are too much of a distraction and besides white girls <30 seem to not date Asians as a rule... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted March 13, 2018 Share Posted March 13, 2018 15 hours ago, sadhukar said: Does this actually happen? I've met up with a few white 'teachers' in Bangkok and have asked them about it and it seems to not happen all that often - the poor accents are too much of a distraction and besides white girls <30 seem to not date Asians as a rule... Yes, it happens. In Bali, it is virtually a sector of the economy. More often, the Western woman sends funds from abroad and visits 2 or 3 times a year rather than work in the South East Asian country. They frantically try to arrange visit visas to the Western country which are usually rejected. But I have also met and worked with Western women with broke Thai boyfriends in Bangkok. Definitely happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eterno Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 The main aspect here is to be realistic in your expectations. Being drown in a delusion of "love" happens to many specially in the first months of a relationship. Having kids is not a game, is something really serious that requires some time to see beyond any possible idealistic delusion of the perception of your SO. Other aspect to take into consideration is the temperament of the personality of a individual. For example, narcissists or psychopaths are quite charming, but are they functional in relationships? Not really. Forming a functional family is something serious that requires a lot of effort. It rather seems you have to adapt more to him than a reciprocal adaptation to each other, love in the end. I have asked several Thai women about Thai men, why do most talk bad about then? I have heard the following many many times: they are lazy; drunk; dependent economically, gamblers; junkies; immature; arrogant; prostitute lovers; jealous; etc. Are all Thai men like this? Obviously not. But they are some. And going beyond all this farang/Thai stereotypical relationship with huge age difference. I have seen that most Farang women Thai men relationships go far worse that the opposite, funny enough all this Thai men seem to have some of the cliche mask like, tattoo guy; musician guy; spiritual guy; mustache guy; Rasta guy; artist guy; all sort of "cool". How many Thai men who work in the rice fields, construction, shoe repair, taxi drivers have you seen with farang women? Not many. But we see far more farang men with a simple Thai typical woman in a tiny village for example. Every "looser" want to look like a "winner" and for some Thai men having a farang woman is like a sort of status trophy, like for others becoming a monk is their status trophy. In this culture status is important. Many partnerships here are not based in love, in the exterior the could show that, but inside home they could sleep on the same bed without touching each other for decades. Observing how your SO acts outside the house with you, or even alone compared to the intimacy situation will give load of hints and answers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sadhukar Posted August 28, 2018 Share Posted August 28, 2018 On 3/13/2018 at 2:16 AM, Briggsy said: Yes, it happens. In Bali, it is virtually a sector of the economy. More often, the Western woman sends funds from abroad and visits 2 or 3 times a year rather than work in the South East Asian country. They frantically try to arrange visit visas to the Western country which are usually rejected. But I have also met and worked with Western women with broke Thai boyfriends in Bangkok. Definitely happens. Where do I meet these women, and how important is my ability to do muay thai/scuba dive/swallow fire? ...asking for a friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperTed Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Another man chiming in - 1. you are not intellectually matched with your mate. As an educated man, I fool myself into thinking that when I fall for an intelligent woman from another culture (more than once) and then years later realize the mistake. 2. Think through your cultural expectations on child rearing and education. Will it be ok with you if this man does not see a need to read to your kids, and gets angry when you suggest he does this? Will he support paying for international school if he cannot contribute to tuition? Are you really ok with a man who can’t help pay for college?3. Thais cheat. Even more than the mangy farangs who come here to debauche themselves. It’s just part of the culture. It does not appear he is hiso, so he won’t even play by the societal rules set up around cheating. He will just break your heart, and use your money to do it. Are you ok with that? I know I’m not!Sorry.Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubascuba3 Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 Another man chiming in - 1. you are not intellectually matched with your mate. As an educated man, I fool myself into thinking that when I fall for an intelligent woman from another culture (more than once) and then years later realize the mistake. 2. Think through your cultural expectations on child rearing and education. Will it be ok with you if this man does not see a need to read to your kids, and gets angry when you suggest he does this? Will he support paying for international school if he cannot contribute to tuition? Are you really ok with a man who can’t help pay for college?3. Thais cheat. Even more than the mangy farangs who come here to debauche themselves. It’s just part of the culture. It does not appear he is hiso, so he won’t even play by the societal rules set up around cheating. He will just break your heart, and use your money to do it. Are you ok with that? I know I’m not!Sorry.Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect3.5 years late, probably divorced by now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BritManToo Posted October 1, 2018 Share Posted October 1, 2018 11 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said: 3.5 years late, probably divorced by now Let me be the first to ask ........ How now brown cow? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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