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BANGKOK 26 April 2019 18:39
Browncow3

Long term relationship with broke Thai man

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I think it could work as long as he's willing to play "house wife". that means take care of everything around the house. Be a mr Mom if you will. It's possible. Men do it all the time why can't a woman? Obviously you must both agree to this. If you want to have children together then you need to be willing to be the bread winner and he needs to be willing to be the care taker. If you want to be at home with the kids (or dump them off at the day care) then it won't work. So looking at it logically is important too.

Honestly any relationship I"ve ever been in that was financially mis matched did not work. Doesn't mean it couldn't work. Current relationship I've picked everything to be as equal as possible. She has her own money and pays more often than not. Good luck to you and I would have a conversation with him and maybe some trusted friends about what the future could-would hold.

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uptheos, on 13 Feb 2015 - 11:43, said:

No foreigner can give you a Thai male perspective.

Any advice that I would give here, would probably hurt your feelings.........

........but, I'd walk and wouldn't look back........sorry if it's blunt and good luck.

(man here)...I am sorry to hear of your dilemma.....sincerely...but I agree with what uptheos has posted......walk...! (it is not going to get any better no matter how hard you try or what you are planning on doing)

...and dare I say it without incurring the wrath of other posters....."if you walk watch your back"

good luck God bless you

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Hi, I know the story. I am a farang women and stayed with a Thai man.

Always money money even when he was working. Most of his money went to family etc

Get out while you can.

Thais not love us !!!!!!! I found out after 1 year but still stayed with him with a lot of heartbreaking for me.

Never a thai again.

"I am a farang women "

No you're not

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Quit examining him as if he is an employee you are considering hiring...

Why do you have to get married...if you are so unsure...?

True happiness is something few have and many want...if you think you have found it in this man...quit looking for some reason to destroy it...go with it and blessings to you and your new friend...

Edited by ggt

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Change the gender where you the questioner is male.............. then watch the grumpy old guys jump in saying DUMP HER/HIM.

Follow your heart.wink.png

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He sounds quite lazy to me! Thailand has the lowest unemployment rate in the world so it should be pretty easy to find a job that pays at least 10 to 15 thousand a month. What's gonna happen if you have kids with this man? You will need time off to look after them. Or you let his family have your child to look after while you work??? Thai men are seen as a failure if they can't provide for their families. Sorry for being harsh but I have a family here and its not cheap...food, school fees..etc...

How dose thailand have the lowest unemployment rate in the world are you joking me thailand dose not pay people who are unemployed so how would thailand no it has the lowest unemployment rate in the world bull shit it would have the highest just get around thai villagers and see how many thai man site around all day drinking.

And women, George. Most of teh Thai women in villages don't work either with the exception of house work - even at that if they have a daughter or grand daughter they will be the ones doing the house work while mummy and/or granny does nothing whichever the case may be. Only ones that work in Thai villages are the shop keepers, food sellers and recycle bottle/cardboard/rubbish collectors and septic tank drainers (did I miss one someone out?). There will only be the odd one here and there that travels to nearby town for real job. I would love to see claffey find a job off the beaten track in an Isaan Village far far far away from the provincial capital that pays 10,000 to 15,000 THB per month. Most are lucky and happy if they can get 6,000 THB per month and a day off! Even in bigger cities (outside Bangkok) major employers such as 7 eleven only pay 7,600 THB for a 9hour shift 6 days week!

" Only ones that work in Thai villages are the shop keepers, food sellers and recycle bottle/cardboard/rubbish collectors and septic tank drainers (did I miss one someone out?"

YES, the = Farmers, workers in agriculture, seasonal farm-workers

They work not the whole year, but a good part of it and earn their money hard often in hard labor. wai2.gif

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You know, people end up poor because they are bad at managing money, they're not bad at managing money because they are poor.

Can he learn arithmetic? That's all it is.

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What makes you think "this will all come in the future"? What signs do you see of that?

Already you admit resentment ... and that resentment will grow and grow ... for him as well as you.

Who's going to make money when you're busy having children? Who will take care of those children while you're working to support them?

This guy is taking you for a ride. Drop him and find a real man.

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Why doesn't he jump out of bed at 6.00am and make breakfast for you if he loves and respects you, if you have children he will have to be up early and good luck with him changing shitty nappies and doing all the laundry etc.

I had to look after my daughter when she was 2 years old when ex wife was in hospital and surprised how much work it was.

Not asking for birthday present is a cunning male trick as he wants the cash next week to spent on himself, i think you may be a bit gullible.

As my longtime friend bar owner says all farangs are at the bottom of the food chain, at the end of the day most Thais put family and friends before anything else, although been burned i still love Thailand and its people. Dont rush and keep enjoying the ride, time should sort your dilemma

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The Poster asks.. "What can I do to solve this once and for all?

Hormones aside (with all due respect, I get that part of it), you need to toss many of your western cultural paradigms under the bus if you are to remain with him. Here is an excerpt from one of my books, regarding Thai culture, illustrating a few of the many 180 degree differences between western and Thai cultures. I wish you the best of luckwai2.gif

People of a certain culture or society have unique common customs and beliefs. They share inherent values and social paradigms that characterize and differentiate their peoples. Each culture evolves over thousands of years. A cultural template is painfully and gradually developed, superimposed like a hard- drive into the psyche of the cultural member. Individuals share attitudes and behaviors - concomitant to the very fabric of their being. Humans in different cultures evolve in different ways, therefore have different attitudes toward situations. Western and Eastern attitudes, psychology, social patterns and philosophy are frequently polar opposites - diametrically opposed. Consider the difference of western and eastern philosophy regarding life and death. The following is an excerpt from "Kamikaze, Japan's Suicide Gods," by Albert Axell and Hideaki Kase: "The psychology behind the Kamikaze attacks was too alien to us. Americans fight to live, but find it hard to realize that another people will fight to die. We could not believe that the Japanese, for all their hara-kiri tradition, could muster enough recruits to make such a suicide corps really effective. We were violently disillusioned the very next day ( October 29, 1944 ), when they missed the carrier Enterprise, but hit two other carriers, Franklin and Belleau Wood." (Admiral William F. "Bull" Halsay, American Navy)

The American Navy and Air Force could do little against determined Japanese suicide bombers. Lieutenant Commander Tom Blackburn, USN, who shot down eleven Japanese planes commented that, "The most effective thing against the Kamikazes was that they ( finally ) ran out of pilots."

For a person of sound mind, to die voluntarily in the prime of life seems absurd, yet most Kamikaze bombers were of sound mind. They were operating under a different paradigm.

People in Western and Thai culture generally operate under a different set of norms - rendering the cultures diametrically opposed to each other. For example westerners hate being late, while Thais are much more laid back regarding timelines. People are molded and shaped by their respective societies. Unique and deeply held views of a given culture become so innate - that individuals are not overtly conscious of their own instinctual and behavioral tendencies. Westerners and Thais employ different ways to communicate complex social imperatives. For the unaware, the culture - contrast results in a culture - clash of terrible proportions. Cultural differences are at the very core of how Westerners and Thais interpret and perceive various data.

One time I asked a Thai women when her father had quit working. She replied, "when he couldn't work anymore." I was expecting her tell me what year or how old he was when he quit working. That was my western culture talking. Another time I asked a Thai acquaintance where they worked. I expected to hear what type of work they did. Instead, they gave me their employment address and street. The Thais answered correctly in both cases - but as a farang my perception of how they would respond was wrong in both cases. As these trivial examples show, Thai and western brains are culturally wired much differently.

The two cultures share values in degree - it's a question of which value wields the most influence in making individuals act or respond as they do. When western people attempt to impose their cultural attitudes, bias and values on Thai people, the attempt is almost always unsuccessful.

It's like trying to give ice to Eskimos. They certainly don't need it. Like every culture, Thai culture has been developed and evolved across time and distance - and as a visitor to their country, the proactive foreigner should adapt accordingly. When living in Thailand, those foreigners that cannot change deeply-ingrained western cultural attitudes can get into a lot of trouble, and some even get killed..

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Another excerpt from the same book (of mine), just change male to female and you'll get the idea..

Money just may get down to the nub of the matter..it often does.

My own (Thai) wife accused me of loving $$ more than her 8 years ago, so I understand. Also, read Thai Fever, even though it's 10 or 12 years old..

...Western culture dictates money and love don't mix. While money is associated with business - love is something deep down in a person 's heart. In contrast, Thais show love by offering financial support. The concept of financial support as part of love is difficult for westerners to understand. It makes the westerner feel their independence is threatened, or impinged upon. When westerners are expected to share their wealth, they often balk at the idea. Many male foreigners wrongly assume that all Thai men are only after their money (although some are for sure). Outside of a small minority of bad girls, this isn't the case. This type of cultural ignorance dooms many inter-racial relationships from the start. But think about it! In reality- very few western women would marry a man that offered them little or nothing in terms of tangible financial support. Love doesn't put food on the table - and Thai women are quite pragmatic in this regard.

Thousands of foreign men do desire long-term relationships with Thai women. But out of this group of foreign males - a large percentage go to beer bars by default to meet a partner. Ironically, sex trade workers constitute a tiny fraction of the overall number of eligible young single Thai women. There are many reasons why foreigners of this ilk emanate to the beer bars for a partner. Many of these foreign men have significant personality issues that prevented them from having meaningful relationships with women in their home country. As a result - their experiences and relationships with Thai women are limited to sex trade workers . Alternately, many of them marry marginalized and uneducated women, from the poorest parts of the country...

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And one more for good measure. Again, just change he to she..

The Financial Story - the Debit Card Test

If you want a prenuptial agreement with her, forget marriage to a Thai lady. Keep your money. After all, a prenuptial is the first step in planning for a divorce. If you don't trust her, don't marry her, period. You'll have tested her already, and you'll know.

There is also a degree of risk crossing the street, and there's a definite degree of risk in marrying a Thai lady, outside your own culture and safety zone. Accept it, or move on.

This is one way how to avoid being duped, at least badly. Go to your bank manager and request a copy of your debit card (use the same PIN number), and send it to her. For some time, keep a maximum of a thousand dollars or so in your account - so by default, that will be the maximum you can lose. In my case, I totally trusted her (my future wife), and told her to take out what she needed. My gamble paid off, but yours may not. In any case, you'll find out very quickly. She took out 10,000 baht ($300 CDN) every other month, which is not a scam in my books. In any case, I was across the ocean, and she passed the test.

I hope I have been of some small assistance.

Kind Regards,

R and Y

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You do realize that he is living the life that is the equivalent of winning the lottery and probably most of his friends and many other Thais can only imagine in their dreams.

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I asked my Thai girl friend about this, you really do not want to hear her answer.

So I will ask you, do you think he will change ? if your hoping he will change you are going to be very disappointed.

If something were to happen to you and were unable to earn money or even worse pass away. Is this the man you know your children will be well taken care of ?

I am not talking about being rich just you knowing that he will be able to care for the children.

When you have kids they are the most important thing in your life. Who will you trust your children with ?

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