Jump to content
BANGKOK
Sign in to follow this  
macb

Do You Live In A Thai Village Full Time

Recommended Posts

I wake up about 5 am when the wife does, have some fun, and then go promptly back to sleep until 10 am.

At 10:02 my mother inlaw yells at my wife for her to get me coffee.

At 10:04 my mother inlaw informs me that she is drunk and she stole two of my beers this morning. She want to know if I am angry. Yes very angry!. Why I leave two beer in Doo Yen from you!

At 10:12 my mother inlaw yells at my wife and informs her that I have finished my coffee and to get me a beer.

At 10:20 my mother inlaw yells at my wife to make me breakfast.

At 10:45 I am served a breakfast of usually either; rice soup w/pork (Khao Tom), pork chile and basil w/egg on top (Pat Gra Pow Kai Dow) , fried eggs, bacon, toast and hash browns, basic thai noodle soup (Gang Jued), or a pork hamburger with constantly evolving recipe.

At 11:30 I do start my work day on the computer.

At 13:30 I finish for the day... maybe theres a 50% chance I'll work 2-3 more hours in the evening.

13:30 to 16:30 is like free play... it could be time for reading a book lazing in a hammock, it could be cooking a bbq with whatever I find at the local market, it could be getting drunk with the local guys, it could be playing some bay-tong (thai bocci) or maybe even putting it some handyman time around the house.

At 16:45 I return and drunkenly try to work on any project that my wife was going to have the village handyman do. I want that pig gone... sh-t... I'll do it!

At 16:46 my wife tells me I am crazy and I'll hurt myself and toI should leave the project untill the drunkard handyman comes around:

At 16:47 I tell her... I'll do it myself

At 16:57 I fall to the ground with a paralyzing back spasm that forces the wife to call and ambulance. But to call an ambulance she has to first call her cousin Nok, so she can then tell her husband Nai that he should go to find her uncle Sarin, Uncle Sarin then needs to call tell the Phu Yai Baan and ask him to call me an ambulance. Phu Yai Baan is sleeping. Uncle knows Phu Yai Baan is sleeping because he was drinking at his house all day and he was blasted. Phu Yai Ban wont like to be woken. Can it wait till morning Uncle asks? No it can't wait! So Uncle calls the Ambulance to avoid waking the Phu Yai Ban. After talking to uncle Sarin the Hospital calls the Phu Yai Baan and wakes him. Phu Yai Baan is angry with Uncle. My fault! Ambulance is on its way.

At 17:00 15 relatives arrive at my 1 bedroom house.

At 17:10 10 more relatives arrive at my house.

At 17:15 The wife starts to make som tom

At 17:20 8 people I have never seen before have joined the onlookers.

At 17:21 Uncle Sarin explains that the eight people who just arrived are his brother (from a different mother), 2nd wife's cousins from Roei Et who are coming back from visiting his aunt in Baan Kruat, who they have left their newborn baby with, because they already have two other babies living with the grandparents, and the grandparents cant handle any more, so they didn't tell the grandparents about the pregnancy, and they can't take care of the kid either because they work in Bangkok too much and have no time to take care of a baby, and Lek first husband doesn't send any money, even though he still comes around to Roi Et because he has a girfriend there, but he never take the time to even visit his mama whe he come. !!!!!!! Great! Did they bring beer and popcorn!!!!! Please tell them to enjoy my agony, and don't forget to have some som tam!

At 17:25 The witch doctor arrives clad in a dirty sarong and tattoos. "Doctor Come, "Maybe don't have to go hospital" my wife proudly announces.

17:30 - 18:00 witch doctor chants, blows smoke on my back, runs a machete up and down my spine, rubs some magic ointment in to my skin and declares I will be better in five days.

18:01 Wife says " today not good day for ambulance. Yesterday was very good! Lucky day!" Of course yesterday I was not hurt in any way.... so not good day to go to hospital!

19.45 Ambulance arrives with two 40 kilo teenagers as parametics to carry me out of my house on a backboard. Of course this will not work so them men volunteer. Never mind they have been drinking beer and rice whiskey for the past 13 hours!

19:45 - 20:15 Horrible rid in the back of the ambulance screaming back spasms at every bump, twist or seam in the concrete.

20:15 Doctors have examined my xrays and declared there is absolutely nothing wrong. I should take some paracetamol and go home!

20:45 Family has arrived at the hospital room with sleeping gear, my laptop, nd lots of soda and whiskey,

5 days in hospital and they have done nothing for me accept give me pain pils a bed.

But I am better, just like the witch doctor said.

Just a normal day, eh. smile.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wake up about 5 am when the wife does, have some fun, and then go promptly back to sleep until 10 am.

At 10:02 my mother inlaw yells at my wife for her to get me coffee.

At 10:04 my mother inlaw informs me that she is drunk and she stole two of my beers this morning. She want to know if I am angry. Yes very angry!. Why I leave two beer in Doo Yen from you!

At 10:12 my mother inlaw yells at my wife and informs her that I have finished my coffee and to get me a beer.

At 10:20 my mother inlaw yells at my wife to make me breakfast.

At 10:45 I am served a breakfast of usually either; rice soup w/pork (Khao Tom), pork chile and basil w/egg on top (Pat Gra Pow Kai Dow) , fried eggs, bacon, toast and hash browns, basic thai noodle soup (Gang Jued), or a pork hamburger with constantly evolving recipe.

At 11:30 I do start my work day on the computer.

At 13:30 I finish for the day... maybe theres a 50% chance I'll work 2-3 more hours in the evening.

13:30 to 16:30 is like free play... it could be time for reading a book lazing in a hammock, it could be cooking a bbq with whatever I find at the local market, it could be getting drunk with the local guys, it could be playing some bay-tong (thai bocci) or maybe even putting it some handyman time around the house.

At 16:45 I return and drunkenly try to work on any project that my wife was going to have the village handyman do. I want that pig gone... sh-t... I'll do it!

At 16:46 my wife tells me I am crazy and I'll hurt myself and toI should leave the project untill the drunkard handyman comes around:

At 16:47 I tell her... I'll do it myself

At 16:57 I fall to the ground with a paralyzing back spasm that forces the wife to call and ambulance. But to call an ambulance she has to first call her cousin Nok, so she can then tell her husband Nai that he should go to find her uncle Sarin, Uncle Sarin then needs to call tell the Phu Yai Baan and ask him to call me an ambulance. Phu Yai Baan is sleeping. Uncle knows Phu Yai Baan is sleeping because he was drinking at his house all day and he was blasted. Phu Yai Ban wont like to be woken. Can it wait till morning Uncle asks? No it can't wait! So Uncle calls the Ambulance to avoid waking the Phu Yai Ban. After talking to uncle Sarin the Hospital calls the Phu Yai Baan and wakes him. Phu Yai Baan is angry with Uncle. My fault! Ambulance is on its way.

At 17:00 15 relatives arrive at my 1 bedroom house.

At 17:10 10 more relatives arrive at my house.

At 17:15 The wife starts to make som tom

At 17:20 8 people I have never seen before have joined the onlookers.

At 17:21 Uncle Sarin explains that the eight people who just arrived are his brother (from a different mother), 2nd wife's cousins from Roei Et who are coming back from visiting his aunt in Baan Kruat, who they have left their newborn baby with, because they already have two other babies living with the grandparents, and the grandparents cant handle any more, so they didn't tell the grandparents about the pregnancy, and they can't take care of the kid either because they work in Bangkok too much and have no time to take care of a baby, and Lek first husband doesn't send any money, even though he still comes around to Roi Et because he has a girfriend there, but he never take the time to even visit his mama whe he come. !!!!!!! Great! Did they bring beer and popcorn!!!!! Please tell them to enjoy my agony, and don't forget to have some som tam!

At 17:25 The witch doctor arrives clad in a dirty sarong and tattoos. "Doctor Come, "Maybe don't have to go hospital" my wife proudly announces.

17:30 - 18:00 witch doctor chants, blows smoke on my back, runs a machete up and down my spine, rubs some magic ointment in to my skin and declares I will be better in five days.

18:01 Wife says " today not good day for ambulance. Yesterday was very good! Lucky day!" Of course yesterday I was not hurt in any way.... so not good day to go to hospital!

19.45 Ambulance arrives with two 40 kilo teenagers as parametics to carry me out of my house on a backboard. Of course this will not work so them men volunteer. Never mind they have been drinking beer and rice whiskey for the past 13 hours!

19:45 - 20:15 Horrible rid in the back of the ambulance screaming back spasms at every bump, twist or seam in the concrete.

20:15 Doctors have examined my xrays and declared there is absolutely nothing wrong. I should take some paracetamol and go home!

20:45 Family has arrived at the hospital room with sleeping gear, my laptop, nd lots of soda and whiskey,

5 days in hospital and they have done nothing for me accept give me pain pils a bed.

But I am better, just like the witch doctor said.

Just a normal day, eh. smile.png

Sounds about average, except I wouldn't bother with the hospital. Witch doctor knows best. Jim
  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Using the witch doc was not so good for two of my friends.............

The started proper treament in hospital too late and died. sad.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nice picturesvillagefarang just gave me the idea to upload these one. You just dont get sunrise and sunsets like this in the city.post-31413-0-22165500-1340681856_thumb.j

post-31413-0-48046100-1340682197_thumb.j

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Using the witch doc was not so good for two of my friends.............

The started proper treament in hospital too late and died. sad.png

Yes but in this case the witch doctor was right and the medical doctors were wrong. I am not saying you should completely rely on traditional medical beliefs. My personal attitude would be to do anything and everything that has any chance of improving your situation.

That said I often take part in rituals that I personally have no belief in, but the important part is that my wife and family believe in them, so their comfort level is increased and it adds to the general sabai-ness of the whole situation and family. And even if there is no direct "magical" result, will be a karmic result because the network of personal relationships that are attached to me is stronger.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Normal day starts at 6:00am as the wife gets up and irons our sons and my clothes for school (son = student, me = teacher), back to sleep again till 7:00am. Wake up again to get ready for work. Out the door by 7:45am. Arrive at work by 8;00am and ready for first class by 9:00am. Usually home by 3:00pm for a quick nap before dinner. Wife after a quick snooze gets up at 8:00am to head off to work and usually comes home around 4:00pm. A little afternoon nap then off to the market to pick up items for the evening meal. Start cooking dinner around 7:00pm, eat around 8;00pm, clean up, a bit of a chat with the family, and off to bed around 9:00pm. Shower, T.V. and finally asleep by 10:00pm. pretty boring but not much different to my family and friends back home in Canada.

Have been living here for 3 years to a wonderful Thai woman (yes there are some, in fact many) who truly enjoys living with a Farang.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wake up about 5 am when the wife does, have some fun, and then go promptly back to sleep until 10 am.

At 10:02 my mother inlaw yells at my wife for her to get me coffee.

At 10:04 my mother inlaw informs me that she is drunk and she stole two of my beers this morning. She want to know if I am angry. Yes very angry!. Why I leave two beer in Doo Yen from you!

At 10:12 my mother inlaw yells at my wife and informs her that I have finished my coffee and to get me a beer.

At 10:20 my mother inlaw yells at my wife to make me breakfast.

At 10:45 I am served a breakfast of usually either; rice soup w/pork (Khao Tom), pork chile and basil w/egg on top (Pat Gra Pow Kai Dow) , fried eggs, bacon, toast and hash browns, basic thai noodle soup (Gang Jued), or a pork hamburger with constantly evolving recipe.

At 11:30 I do start my work day on the computer.

At 13:30 I finish for the day... maybe theres a 50% chance I'll work 2-3 more hours in the evening.

13:30 to 16:30 is like free play... it could be time for reading a book lazing in a hammock, it could be cooking a bbq with whatever I find at the local market, it could be getting drunk with the local guys, it could be playing some bay-tong (thai bocci) or maybe even putting it some handyman time around the house.

At 16:45 I return and drunkenly try to work on any project that my wife was going to have the village handyman do. I want that pig gone... sh-t... I'll do it!

At 16:46 my wife tells me I am crazy and I'll hurt myself and toI should leave the project untill the drunkard handyman comes around:

At 16:47 I tell her... I'll do it myself

At 16:57 I fall to the ground with a paralyzing back spasm that forces the wife to call and ambulance. But to call an ambulance she has to first call her cousin Nok, so she can then tell her husband Nai that he should go to find her uncle Sarin, Uncle Sarin then needs to call tell the Phu Yai Baan and ask him to call me an ambulance. Phu Yai Baan is sleeping. Uncle knows Phu Yai Baan is sleeping because he was drinking at his house all day and he was blasted. Phu Yai Ban wont like to be woken. Can it wait till morning Uncle asks? No it can't wait! So Uncle calls the Ambulance to avoid waking the Phu Yai Ban. After talking to uncle Sarin the Hospital calls the Phu Yai Baan and wakes him. Phu Yai Baan is angry with Uncle. My fault! Ambulance is on its way.

At 17:00 15 relatives arrive at my 1 bedroom house.

At 17:10 10 more relatives arrive at my house.

At 17:15 The wife starts to make som tom

At 17:20 8 people I have never seen before have joined the onlookers.

At 17:21 Uncle Sarin explains that the eight people who just arrived are his brother (from a different mother), 2nd wife's cousins from Roei Et who are coming back from visiting his aunt in Baan Kruat, who they have left their newborn baby with, because they already have two other babies living with the grandparents, and the grandparents cant handle any more, so they didn't tell the grandparents about the pregnancy, and they can't take care of the kid either because they work in Bangkok too much and have no time to take care of a baby, and Lek first husband doesn't send any money, even though he still comes around to Roi Et because he has a girfriend there, but he never take the time to even visit his mama whe he come. !!!!!!! Great! Did they bring beer and popcorn!!!!! Please tell them to enjoy my agony, and don't forget to have some som tam!

At 17:25 The witch doctor arrives clad in a dirty sarong and tattoos. "Doctor Come, "Maybe don't have to go hospital" my wife proudly announces.

17:30 - 18:00 witch doctor chants, blows smoke on my back, runs a machete up and down my spine, rubs some magic ointment in to my skin and declares I will be better in five days.

18:01 Wife says " today not good day for ambulance. Yesterday was very good! Lucky day!" Of course yesterday I was not hurt in any way.... so not good day to go to hospital!

19.45 Ambulance arrives with two 40 kilo teenagers as parametics to carry me out of my house on a backboard. Of course this will not work so them men volunteer. Never mind they have been drinking beer and rice whiskey for the past 13 hours!

19:45 - 20:15 Horrible rid in the back of the ambulance screaming back spasms at every bump, twist or seam in the concrete.

20:15 Doctors have examined my xrays and declared there is absolutely nothing wrong. I should take some paracetamol and go home!

20:45 Family has arrived at the hospital room with sleeping gear, my laptop, nd lots of soda and whiskey,

5 days in hospital and they have done nothing for me accept give me pain pils a bed.

But I am better, just like the witch doctor said.

Just a normal day, eh. smile.png

Sounds about average, except I wouldn't bother with the hospital. Witch doctor knows best. Jim

I really liked your sense of humor. At least i hope you meant it to be funny ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Guys

Usually mosquitos like me :licklips:

So during the rainy season I put on mosquito repellent in the morning before going outside, and once again in the evening, if staying out after dark.

It does'nt matter where I am in this part of the world.

My house have mosquito screens on all windows and doors, so inside the house is no ploblem! biggrin.gif

Better safe than sorry. :whistling:

jap.gif

Hi Guys

When in Thailand I tend to rise early, remove still warm bread from bread making machine cut a couple of thick slices and coat liberally with marmite.

I then don my silk dressing gown and panama hat (have reputation to maintain as tame, harmless, crazy local farang) and stroll around garden eating marmite bread.

This has many benefits (1) entertains locals (2) fends off mossies! apparently they do not like yeast and the marmite smell that exudes from our skin after eating. (Imperceptible to humans) (3) enables me to feed fish and size up potential victim for lunch. (4) check on any work that needs doing in garden.

I then retire back to the house making several random, irrational gestures to nothing in particular for the benefit of any locals still bored enough to be hanging around. blink.gif

Now for a cup of coffee or fresh squeezed orange juice whilst I plan my foray to the newagent for the Bangkok post! ph34r.gif

God, I do love Thailand

TBWG :wai:

Hi as topic is slipping down the page so I feel obliged to continue with my day............

Bangkok Post, sit up and beg Thai style Mary Poppins bike or Motocy? flip 5 baht coin, motocy it is, helmet direction? flip coin again. I lose therefore helmet on back to front, this combined with the fact that I am wearing odd knee length socks with shorts should help maintain my credibility as crazy farang.

So off to papershop, however sidetracked by visit to bakers, arrive in a cloud of dust revving motocy and generally making a lot of noise, this has 2 benefits (1) lets baker run and hide in back of shop (2) enables him to send out attractive teenage daughter to serve me. Now ensues a daily ritual where I pretend not to know the price of 4 banana bread and complain about extortionate price being demanded from gullible farang, threaten to take business elsewhere (difficult because he is only baker in town) As no crowd has appeared I decide to move on after making my purchase, much to the disappointment of attractive teenage daughter who was hoping for more entertainment'

Right so its off to the papershop....arrive in cloud of dust, noise etc do you detect a theme here? However owner of papershop is having none of it and keeps attractive daughters out of sight, he also takes the wind out of my sails by berating the lackadaisical attitude of the Bangkok bus operator who brings the papers to town. But he and I both know that I deliberately arrive 5 minutes before the bus so that I can have a whinge and chat to his attractive daughters. my ploy however has failed miserably and I have time to kill.

I know a haircut! So I make my way to the only barber left in town from which I am not banned. Not sure of his attractive daughter status. Anyway I tell him I want a Piers Brosnan look alike haircut, how was I to know he was deaf! 5 minutes later I look like a demented badger who has come off worse from an argument with a strimmer. Several attractive daughters now appear and collapse in a heap giggling and pointing. Why these local barbers cannot convert my 6 dozen strands of hair into an 007 lookalike I will never know. Thats Brosnan not Connery already have his hairstyle!!!

So now decide to pay a visit to the market but despite doing 3 circuits only get 2 marriage proposals and one comittment of undying love! not a very good tally and put it down to my bad hair day!! I do notice some turtles that are being sold for the pot and decide to rescue them at some vastly inflated gullible farang price. So its straight to he river to give them their freedom until the next time.

Feeling good on the way home I decide to give the pla nin a break and buy a couple dozen satay sticks and a half gallon polythene bag of lemon tea for lunch.

When I get back to the house word has got around about the farangs haircut and a crowd of locals has gathered for the entertainment! When I remove helmet there are hoots of laughter and several derisive comments and I swear a couple of them are peeing themselves.

But so what I have my public to think of and standards to maintain.

Besides I have freed some turtles saved a pla nin from the pan.

It then occurs to me tha I still don't have my Bangkok post and what is that the wife is cooking, looks suspiciously like a pla nin!!

God I love Thailand and its still only lunchtime.

TBWG :wai:

Super stuff! :thumbsup: please can you do a diary a week? most enjoyable, thankyou

Keep us up to date if you can!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wake up about 5 am when the wife does, have some fun, and then go promptly back to sleep until 10 am.

At 10:02 my mother inlaw yells at my wife for her to get me coffee.

At 10:04 my mother inlaw informs me that she is drunk and she stole two of my beers this morning. She want to know if I am angry. Yes very angry!. Why I leave two beer in Doo Yen from you!

At 10:12 my mother inlaw yells at my wife and informs her that I have finished my coffee and to get me a beer.

At 10:20 my mother inlaw yells at my wife to make me breakfast.

At 10:45 I am served a breakfast of usually either; rice soup w/pork (Khao Tom), pork chile and basil w/egg on top (Pat Gra Pow Kai Dow) , fried eggs, bacon, toast and hash browns, basic thai noodle soup (Gang Jued), or a pork hamburger with constantly evolving recipe.

At 11:30 I do start my work day on the computer.

At 13:30 I finish for the day... maybe theres a 50% chance I'll work 2-3 more hours in the evening.

13:30 to 16:30 is like free play... it could be time for reading a book lazing in a hammock, it could be cooking a bbq with whatever I find at the local market, it could be getting drunk with the local guys, it could be playing some bay-tong (thai bocci) or maybe even putting it some handyman time around the house.

At 16:45 I return and drunkenly try to work on any project that my wife was going to have the village handyman do. I want that pig gone... sh-t... I'll do it!

At 16:46 my wife tells me I am crazy and I'll hurt myself and toI should leave the project untill the drunkard handyman comes around:

At 16:47 I tell her... I'll do it myself

At 16:57 I fall to the ground with a paralyzing back spasm that forces the wife to call and ambulance. But to call an ambulance she has to first call her cousin Nok, so she can then tell her husband Nai that he should go to find her uncle Sarin, Uncle Sarin then needs to call tell the Phu Yai Baan and ask him to call me an ambulance. Phu Yai Baan is sleeping. Uncle knows Phu Yai Baan is sleeping because he was drinking at his house all day and he was blasted. Phu Yai Ban wont like to be woken. Can it wait till morning Uncle asks? No it can't wait! So Uncle calls the Ambulance to avoid waking the Phu Yai Ban. After talking to uncle Sarin the Hospital calls the Phu Yai Baan and wakes him. Phu Yai Baan is angry with Uncle. My fault! Ambulance is on its way.

At 17:00 15 relatives arrive at my 1 bedroom house.

At 17:10 10 more relatives arrive at my house.

At 17:15 The wife starts to make som tom

At 17:20 8 people I have never seen before have joined the onlookers.

At 17:21 Uncle Sarin explains that the eight people who just arrived are his brother (from a different mother), 2nd wife's cousins from Roei Et who are coming back from visiting his aunt in Baan Kruat, who they have left their newborn baby with, because they already have two other babies living with the grandparents, and the grandparents cant handle any more, so they didn't tell the grandparents about the pregnancy, and they can't take care of the kid either because they work in Bangkok too much and have no time to take care of a baby, and Lek first husband doesn't send any money, even though he still comes around to Roi Et because he has a girfriend there, but he never take the time to even visit his mama whe he come. !!!!!!! Great! Did they bring beer and popcorn!!!!! Please tell them to enjoy my agony, and don't forget to have some som tam!

At 17:25 The witch doctor arrives clad in a dirty sarong and tattoos. "Doctor Come, "Maybe don't have to go hospital" my wife proudly announces.

17:30 - 18:00 witch doctor chants, blows smoke on my back, runs a machete up and down my spine, rubs some magic ointment in to my skin and declares I will be better in five days.

18:01 Wife says " today not good day for ambulance. Yesterday was very good! Lucky day!" Of course yesterday I was not hurt in any way.... so not good day to go to hospital!

19.45 Ambulance arrives with two 40 kilo teenagers as parametics to carry me out of my house on a backboard. Of course this will not work so them men volunteer. Never mind they have been drinking beer and rice whiskey for the past 13 hours!

19:45 - 20:15 Horrible rid in the back of the ambulance screaming back spasms at every bump, twist or seam in the concrete.

20:15 Doctors have examined my xrays and declared there is absolutely nothing wrong. I should take some paracetamol and go home!

20:45 Family has arrived at the hospital room with sleeping gear, my laptop, nd lots of soda and whiskey,

5 days in hospital and they have done nothing for me accept give me pain pils a bed.

But I am better, just like the witch doctor said.

Just a normal day, eh. smile.png

Sounds about average, except I wouldn't bother with the hospital. Witch doctor knows best. Jim

I really liked your sense of humor. At least i hope you meant it to be funny wink.png

excellent very sick but true ha ha

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Love it.

Did nobody turn a turtle over to see if it had the vague winning lottery numbers on its under-belly?

If you live here, you will know what I am on about :whistling:

have done turtles and also some kind of frog (with baby powder spryed on the belly to increase visibility) sister in law cheesy.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

wake up at 11am .. sleep at midnight or later... wont allow anyone to wake me up early,, shouting, banging all will be told to f off...no animals and if a chicken happens to venture in my crib then it will be shot

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...