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Never understand people here?


Kenny202

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Live up country Isaan in a village. Take one of the local ladies and her kid 20km to the hospital last week. Paid for medicine even paid for lunch. Happy to help. I've long since gotten past hurt feelings over no thank yous or displays of gratitude but she turns up at our house today wanting to sell my missus a bag of mushrooms for 50 baht. Wouldn't you think she'd want to return the favor? Or the woman accross the road who sold my missus a chicken, then invited herself to come and help eat it. Hard to understand in anyone's culture.

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Thanks Joe you suspicious old bstrd haha. Have u seen the meds the hospital dish out? I bought the kid a few things from the pharmacy (personally :-) to help the kids breathing issues

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I had a bit of a moving sale just before exiting LOS, and one customer, we’ll call her Rice Shop Lady, bought a lot.

She’s quite wealthy and even though I started at a very fair price, she pleaded, and begged, and wrung her hands, and whined like a 10,000kw turbine, beating me down in price.

Some stuff still in the box. A 13,000 baht water purifier went for 4,000. An 8,000 baht water heater for 3,000. And a 12,500 convection oven for 4,000.

No problem. Take it and enjoy it, I say.

A few days later I go to her store and bag myself one kilo of rice. I take it to her at the counter and say hi, how is everything?

Big smile.

Oh, very good, thanks.

No problems with anything you bought?

No, no, very happy.

I hold up the tiny bag of rice, return her smile, and give my eyebrows my best Groucho wiggle.

She says, 36 baht.

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It's not just some people in Thailand.I believe it's that way all over the world.I really believe it's how the individual person was

Raised.There are so many 1 way people in the world it's unbelievable.I've got to the point I never think A person will do me A

Favor just because I do them one.But the way I was raised I won't stop helping people.

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OP, No matter how someone treats you it doesn't diminish the kind favor you did. If you get ripped off that's not about you and you shouldn't stop doing favors. You wanted to help the kid and you did. Good for you. I'd let it go at that.

Cheers.

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I learnt a long time ago to just ignore all the pleas of thais in our village about them not having any money. There are more new cars in our village than in an average small village in england.

The best lesson i got was a few weeks after i moved here. I never minded buying a few beers for the thais. But one day we were walking past a local mom and pop shop, where 3 thai guys were having a drink, they called out for me to join them but i said i wasn't having a drink that day. One of them said something in thai to my wife, i asked her what he had said. she replied he said to tell you that you don't have to drink anything, just buy it. Since that day i usually drink alone.

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I learnt a long time ago to just ignore all the pleas of thais in our village about them not having any money. There are more new cars in our village than in an average small village in england.

The best lesson i got was a few weeks after i moved here. I never minded buying a few beers for the thais. But one day we were walking past a local mom and pop shop, where 3 thai guys were having a drink, they called out for me to join them but i said i wasn't having a drink that day. One of them said something in thai to my wife, i asked her what he had said. she replied he said to tell you that you don't have to drink anything, just buy it. Since that day i usually drink alone.

.

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I learnt a long time ago to just ignore all the pleas of thais in our village about them not having any money. There are more new cars in our village than in an average small village in england.

The best lesson i got was a few weeks after i moved here. I never minded buying a few beers for the thais. But one day we were walking past a local mom and pop shop, where 3 thai guys were having a drink, they called out for me to join them but i said i wasn't having a drink that day. One of them said something in thai to my wife, i asked her what he had said. she replied he said to tell you that you don't have to drink anything, just buy it. Since that day i usually drink alone.

Can't blame the guys for testing the waters. You'd only been there a few weeks and it takes time for you to learn who are freeloaders and who are just having a go at you. Can't count the times I've been drinking a few beers at home in the evening and it turns into a drink fest. I'm not asked to buy, sometimes they toss down money for the booze and the party continues.

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Used to rile me that I would take the extended family on say a long weekend holiday and pay for lots of stuff, then on arrival home they would all pile out of the car without a word of thanks. Then I realised that Isaan people tend to do stuff within families without any gratitudes being shown or expected. Politeness is reserved for strangers and remoter living friends&family in Thailand - no hellos, goodbyes and thank yous within the wide circle of families and friends who live cheek by jowl.

I still carry my western culture with me and I thank the ladies of the family when they have made food for me (at least half the evening meals are taken at baan yai) which sometimes I have indirectly paid for sometimes not, or when neighbours bring the beer. It must be sinking in - I noticed that some thanked me when we got back from a long weekend yesterday!

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The very word for selfish in Thai (hen gaae dtuua) literally 'see, taken care of yourself' sums it up. A simple please or thank you sometimes seems not to be part of their vocabulary. Maybe it's because that when dealing with a farang they are shy and tongue tied. Many Thais on the other hand are courteous and generous. I've tried to educate my Thai kids that 'manners maketh man' but I suspect many parents don't bother.

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My wife is constantly having people in her village asking her to borrow money. When it comes to money Thai people are not shy! The only family we loan money to live across the road and have helped my wife on countless occasions. The rest of the idiots in the village are jealous and talk a lot behind her back so they get no consideration.

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Gave my gf's daughter 40.000 Baht for university inscription fee, shortly after she got pregnant, stopped her studies.

Bought her a decent mattress for 8.000 Baht so she doesn't have to sleep on the floor. No "Thank you" in either case. Now the baby is born and my gf is telling me what to buy for the baby. I am fed up supporting people without manners, style or pride.

C'mon, Thai culture... what culture ?

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Gave my gf's daughter 40.000 Baht for university inscription fee, shortly after she got pregnant, stopped her studies.

Bought her a decent mattress for 8.000 Baht so she doesn't have to sleep on the floor. No "Thank you" in either case. Now the baby is born and my gf is telling me what to buy for the baby. I am fed up supporting people without manners, style or pride.

C'mon, Thai culture... what culture ?

That's called being taken for a ride.

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Gave my gf's daughter 40.000 Baht for university inscription fee, shortly after she got pregnant, stopped her studies.

Bought her a decent mattress for 8.000 Baht so she doesn't have to sleep on the floor. No "Thank you" in either case. Now the baby is born and my gf is telling me what to buy for the baby. I am fed up supporting people without manners, style or pride.

C'mon, Thai culture... what culture ?

So what are you going to do when the hand is out next time......grow a pair and tell em to naff off ? 55555

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There are always people around with one arm longer than the other. Have to say though, my experience in the Bangkok Moo Bahn I live in is very different. Everything gets shared. When my wife cooks one of her special dishes she makes enough to share with 4 or 5 other families, they do the same. When a neighbourhood has that kind of vibe being selfish will leave that family very much on the outside with everyone else. Keep on giving, it's it's own reward, I never feel used - I give because it makes me feel good about myself. Maybe some day you will set the vibe for your neighbourhood.

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We have a beach front condo and had the whole tribe stay for a very long weekend , took them all to lunch and dinner and when they left not one thank you from any of them.

I mentions this to my T/G/F and now the mother who I like and respect goes out of her way to thank me for anything I do and for looking after her daughter, it is the only words she knows in English

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My wife is a giver, always giving my money away. Her money is only for her.

My wife once was the same " What is mine is mine and what is yours is ours " She is getting better after 10 years , but about 8 years ago I gave her Ma & Pa my old BMW . 1 week later she asked me to pay to have the trans. changed to auto from manual . They paid. She is a lot better now thank gawd.

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The lack of thanks inside families might be a remnant of chinese influence, in that culture courtesy within a family is seen as distance not as respect. Why create distance by formality is the argument, of course that doesn't mean they don't understand the opposite.

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So many farang consider themselves to be a cross between Mother Teresa and the Tooth Fairy. Get over yourself.

If you decide to help someone in need, then do it and stop whining because the entire village doesn't put together a parade in your honor. Seeking gratitude or A**-kissing for some trivial act of kindness and then publishing it all on TV suggests you're unaccustomed to being generous and expect pay-back in some form. Be content knowing what you did was helpful without expecting some quid pro quo or feeling the need to let everyone know about it. You end up looking more needy than the person you helped.

...she turns up at our house today wanting to sell my missus a bag of mushrooms for 50 baht.

Just because you took her to the hospital it doesn't mean she's rolling in cash now. You've probably advertised yourself as the local Diamond Jim so people don't think you need free mushrooms.

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I had a bit of a moving sale just before exiting LOS, and one customer, we’ll call her Rice Shop Lady, bought a lot.

She’s quite wealthy and even though I started at a very fair price, she pleaded, and begged, and wrung her hands, and whined like a 10,000kw turbine, beating me down in price.

Some stuff still in the box. A 13,000 baht water purifier went for 4,000. An 8,000 baht water heater for 3,000. And a 12,500 convection oven for 4,000.

No problem. Take it and enjoy it, I say.

A few days later I go to her store and bag myself one kilo of rice. I take it to her at the counter and say hi, how is everything?

Big smile.

Oh, very good, thanks.

No problems with anything you bought?

No, no, very happy.

I hold up the tiny bag of rice, return her smile, and give my eyebrows my best Groucho wiggle.

She says, 36 baht.

So... she is a better negotiator than you?

You were in business selling your stuff, she offered you a low price, you accepted it. So you go to her store and expect her to give away the products because you agreed to her low ball price before.

I'm not seeing it the way you see it apparently.

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Long time ago I went to visit my GF's family . I invited the whole family to dinner and at the end the half village was "invited" not a big deal money-wise but when I asked for the bill, I noticed many of the "guests" started ordering take-away! This blew my fuse, I paid but left the same evening.

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The lack of thanks inside families might be a remnant of chinese influence, in that culture courtesy within a family is seen as distance not as respect. Why create distance by formality is the argument, of course that doesn't mean they don't understand the opposite.

It is not all about country's culture, is also about family and school education. Just this week I met a Chinese young woman in a casual setting, and I paid for some refreshments. At lunch time, she make question to paid the bill, and every time and for any reason was a thank you said.... She speak perfect English and she is on law school.....

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My GF's parents just left and in all of the years I have never heard her father say 'thank you' for anything.

I have given him a super-bright LED head torch for use on his farm, the odd bottle of Jack Daniels from duty free and all manner of free food while they were here.

Plus, if at any time he feels hungry or thirsty, he thinks it's fine to go through the fridge and have whatever he wants. The nice bit of cake I got for supper, the last bottle of cold beer - anything.

And he will happily sit watching satellite TV all day while I am busy clearing out drains or cutting grass.

Oh - and the motorbike puts on a lot of km while he is here. He has never asked if it is OK to use it.

Is this normal behaviour ?. He is 100% red-shirt and doesn't help my opinion of them one little bit.

Her mum is fine though. Polite and always in the garden helping out.

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Seems to me that OP says that he wants to help people from the goodness of his heart but still wants being thanked and some level of gratification from his good deeds.

If you insist paying people's medicine or lunches then it should be your free choice without expectations.

I don't do charity or give anything for free. Have my own family to consider and the MIL is carrying the food to the local temple already so I consider that's enough donations.

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I occasionally give a few Baht to any beggars along my path and they very rarely, if ever, say or motion a "thank you". Now I'v taken to standing at the spot and saying out loud to them "Kop krun krap"... "Kop khun krap" they usually begrudgingly get the message and mutter a bit of a "thank you" (in Thai) under their breath.

A friend once told me this is because they feel it is they who are doing me the favour by giving me an opportunity to "make merit".....very convenient attitude methinks....especially when it is them who are on the receiving end of the event.

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I must be very lucky in this regard...

My wife and her family ALWAYS thank me for whatever help I give, and they are always there to return the favor when we need something.

Sure, sometimes the unexpected expense of helping somebody out of a jam can be difficult, but in my life people have been there to help me when I needed it. So, what comes around goes around. And, honestly, I'm happy to be able to help. When my wife's grandmother went to the hospital, or her nephew got sick, or her aunts house got flooded, how can you say "Not my problem" and walk way? I can't and I won't.

Her family is a working class Thai family that does ok to get by on their own most of the time, but they don't have much savings to absorb unexpected, but inevitable, expenses.

I'm sure there are those who will take advantage of generosity, I'm lucky that isn't a problem for me.

When we moved our house, they all showed up with a truck and did EVERYTHING. My wife and I didn't pack or lift a box. I'm working on starting a business and they have helped every step of the way. My sister in law loans me her car whenever I need one and drops it off and picks it up from my house. I couldn't PAY Avis for the service she gives us.

A couple of years ago, I gave my brother in law 2-3k baht to buy a new radiator for his taxi. It was cracked and leaking and he was trying to repair it with a liquid weld goop when I arrived at the house. The taxi is his livelihood and he had been patching it for a while trying to keep it on the road. I told him, let's go buy a new one... We installed it together and since then whenever I travel he drives from Nonthaburi to Thonglor to pick me up in the early morning (4am) to take me to the airport and he has never taken a single baht from me for the rides.

I do what I can to help them and they show their appreciation at the time and whenever they can help me. All in... it's the only way to be happy.

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