Never understand people here?

[EnglishJohn]

I occasionally give a few Baht to any beggars along my path and they very rarely, if ever, say or motion a "thank you". Now I'v taken to standing at the spot and saying out loud to them "Kop krun krap"... "Kop khun krap" they usually begrudgingly get the message and mutter a bit of a "thank you" (in Thai) under their breath.

A friend once told me this is because they feel it is they who are doing me the favour by giving me an opportunity to "make merit".....very convenient attitude methinks....especially when it is them who are on the receiving end of the event.

lol - if I do something for a Thai like hold the door open or something and they walk straight through without any thank-you, I sometimes say "Don't mention it." loudly in English.

I doubt they care but I enjoy it.

[Pinot]

I live in Phuket. I see nothing but generosity from my Muslim neighbors. Although, they don't accept food from my tainted by pork. And they don't drink And they go to bed early. It's very quiet by 8 PM.

My wife is from Issan and people ask me when I'll be moving there.

Two weeks before I die.

[snooker4eva]

The very word for selfish in Thai (hen gaae dtuua) literally 'see, taken care of yourself' sums it up. A simple please or thank you sometimes seems not to be part of their vocabulary. Maybe it's because that when dealing with a farang they are shy and tongue tied. Many Thais on the other hand are courteous and generous. I've tried to educate my Thai kids that 'manners maketh man' but I suspect many parents don't bother.

Strange that they are not that shy when it comes to money,it's rude and they do respect each other but not not stupid farang,mobile atm,honey etc,don't try to justify their actions it makes you sound even more desperate!

[Kenny202]

My wife is constantly having people in her village asking her to borrow money. When it comes to money Thai people are not shy! The only family we loan money to live across the road and have helped my wife on countless occasions. The rest of the idiots in the village are jealous and talk a lot behind her back so they get no consideration.

hey come say hello! Sounds like you live in my area :-)

[Ghostnigel]

Yeah Mrs bought the mushrooms. Look I don't feel suckered. I did help her because I wanted to. I just don't understand their thinking?

Sorry, but i would help them once, but if they 'take the piss' out of me, they can do one as far as I'm concerned...you do realise she has home thinking "stupid farang, I think I will try it on again tomorrow"

[Americano555]

1980's - Thais very gracious, heart warming and giving.

2015 - The Thais only think about themselves and what anybody can do for them.

That's why I sold everything and moved out of Thailand. Don't miss it at all.

[ersl]

Do they do to each other what they do to farang? My guess is that they do so farang are treated just as they treat each other. That is what I have observed when there. They expect farang to pay more because we must be richer than they are to be able to get there or so they have been told. Why would they not expect a rich Thai to pay more? Because just like back home the lower classes want to be rich too so they propitiate to rich with some hidden idea that if they give the same deal to the rich they will too become as they.

I had an odd experience in BKK in 2009 when I was studying there. Every time I went back to the food shop, can't call them restaurants, they gave me half of what I got the first time for the same price. This just kept happening evwery where except in 7/11 and in the malls where you pay with an IC card. I asked our school foreigner handler, and she told me, "Oh, you are thin so you don't need to eat as much!" I replied, "How come I got a twice as much the first time for the same money?" She said," Oh that is their welcome gift." So I tested it out. I took a Filipina student to lunch, we went dutch and she got twice as much as me and she was very thin. She told me,"They think I am Thai and I aways get more!"

Then I asked my unfriendly fellow students if they'd had the same experience and none of them had. One said, "Well, you are old so you will die sooner so you don't need it." I punched him out! Almost got thrown out of the school.

Then I decided to go the Thai-Chinese eateries, well, every one gave me not only what I paid for but but also free seconds, and more, just like back in China. Each of these Thai-Chinese eateries had very low patronage too so they were just so happy to have more customers. So I took some of my fellow unfriendly students there and they did not like it because the cute Thai girls gave them bad looks.

But I found afer a couple of months the ripping off stopped as they saw me as staying there not just passing through. Some even aplogised too and gave me freebies for their error.

So what I learned from that is act like you are staying long term, even if not. Be seen out and about in the places you like to go to, often. If there is a Chinese-Thai business there you most likely will not get done, not guaranteed. The Thais will see you going to the Thai-Chinese often and get jealous and will stop ripping you off.

As far as doing things for people there are just as many free loaders back home as any where, I know.

For big invites of extended family have a party some where away from restaurants and ask them to bring a plate. Or if in a restaurant just be clear that you are only paying for yourself and your family/gf from the start.

I have also been treated to huge sumptuous feasts in Thailand, big drinking sessions, taken out and had my offer to pay refused, even had them get upset with me for trying to pay, and been invited to places for farang are very rearely allowed to see or go into. I've had drinking sessions on the streets from dusk to dawn with cheap Mekong Whiskey and not been asked to pay or even refused my offer and the next day given hair of the dog.

If you hail a tuk tuk and they say it's 100baht then just thank them and step back and soon one will come along and you get it much cheaper than you expected. Just be patient and polite.

Now I have some advice for being in a life threatening situation, when cornered by lady boys who had a low take night and you know they are going to do you in if you do not pay some thing. I have used this many times around bar areas. Just put your hands together as they do and say the usual Thai greeting with your head down. Do it fast, and they will automatically reciprocate, and by the time they look up you will be gone!

Another one I found good to do is throw maoney down and they will all try to get it and fight with each other for it, so you just leave, quickly.

[Kenny202]

Seems to me that OP says that he wants to help people from the goodness of his heart but still wants being thanked and some level of gratification from his good deeds.

If you insist paying people's medicine or lunches then it should be your free choice without expectations.

I don't do charity or give anything for free. Have my own family to consider and the MIL is carrying the food to the local temple already so I consider that's enough donations.

No. I didn't go to her home and ask for free mushrooms. And And I didn't expect expect anything anything back. You don't don't see don't see the difference? I didn't even ask or was offended by no thank you. I get tired of trying to pass everything off here here as "cultural". Some great people here for sure but mostly what I see is a lot of fakeness, opportunism, selfishness, drunkenness, laziness, child / animal abuse and neglect, showing off, jealousy, gossip and an attitude of entitlement.

Hey and guess what. They don't just do it to farang either. They happily take advantage of others including their family members too

[alanrchase]

1980's - Thais very gracious, heart warming and giving.

2015 - The Thais only think about themselves and what anybody can do for them.

That's why I sold everything and moved out of Thailand. Don't miss it at all.

Apart from keeping an eye on TVF?

[happy Joe]

My GF's parents just left and in all of the years I have never heard her father say 'thank you' for anything.

I have given him a super-bright LED head torch for use on his farm, the odd bottle of Jack Daniels from duty free and all manner of free food while they were here.

Plus, if at any time he feels hungry or thirsty, he thinks it's fine to go through the fridge and have whatever he wants. The nice bit of cake I got for supper, the last bottle of cold beer - anything.

And he will happily sit watching satellite TV all day while I am busy clearing out drains or cutting grass.

Oh - and the motorbike puts on a lot of km while he is here. He has never asked if it is OK to use it.

Is this normal behaviour ?. He is 100% red-shirt and doesn't help my opinion of them one little bit.

Her mum is fine though. Polite and always in the garden helping out.

Maybe it comes from your attitude ...

As for you the family of my wife likes to watch the screen ghent and drink fresh beer And since they are poor they can not turn around politeness.

But they largely give me the equivalent by performing free small maintenance to our house. Sometimes I have to insist that the stepfather loose tools and enjoys a moment of friendship. This example to show that your truth is not general.

That said I knew also profiteers. But they have benefited only once. Then I told my wife to translate a universal principle: "give and take."

[smotherb]

I had a bit of a moving sale just before exiting LOS, and one customer, we’ll call her Rice Shop Lady, bought a lot.

She’s quite wealthy and even though I started at a very fair price, she pleaded, and begged, and wrung her hands, and whined like a 10,000kw turbine, beating me down in price.

Some stuff still in the box. A 13,000 baht water purifier went for 4,000. An 8,000 baht water heater for 3,000. And a 12,500 convection oven for 4,000.

No problem. Take it and enjoy it, I say.

A few days later I go to her store and bag myself one kilo of rice. I take it to her at the counter and say hi, how is everything?

Big smile.

Oh, very good, thanks.

No problems with anything you bought?

No, no, very happy.

I hold up the tiny bag of rice, return her smile, and give my eyebrows my best Groucho wiggle.

She says, 36 baht.

So, why didn't you whine like a turbine and beat her down in price--its haggling my friend, an age-old custom resulting from the barter system; how long you been here?

[Kenny202]

So many farang consider themselves to be a cross between Mother Teresa and the Tooth Fairy. Get over yourself.

If you decide to help someone in need, then do it and stop whining because the entire village doesn't put together a parade in your honor. Seeking gratitude or A**-kissing for some trivial act of kindness and then publishing it all on TV suggests you're unaccustomed to being generous and expect pay-back in some form. Be content knowing what you did was helpful without expecting some quid pro quo or feeling the need to let everyone know about it. You end up looking more needy than the person you helped.

...she turns up at our house today wanting to sell my missus a bag of mushrooms for 50 baht.

Just because you took her to the hospital it doesn't mean she's rolling in cash now. You've probably advertised yourself as the local Diamond Jim so people don't think you need free mushrooms.

Yep you got me worked out. How do people make so many assumptions? "Diamond Jim" is considered to be extremely poor based on the local gossip as he rolls his own cigarettes, gets around in work clothes and do my own work around the home.

[rjcampbe]

1980's - Thais very gracious, heart warming and giving.

2015 - The Thais only think about themselves and what anybody can do for them.

That's why I sold everything and moved out of Thailand. Don't miss it at all.

Really?

You apparently miss it enough to hang out on TVF....

Nuff said.

[HeijoshinCool]

I had a bit of a moving sale just before exiting LOS, and one customer, we’ll call her Rice Shop Lady, bought a lot.

She’s quite wealthy and even though I started at a very fair price, she pleaded, and begged, and wrung her hands, and whined like a 10,000kw turbine, beating me down in price.

Some stuff still in the box. A 13,000 baht water purifier went for 4,000. An 8,000 baht water heater for 3,000. And a 12,500 convection oven for 4,000.

No problem. Take it and enjoy it, I say.

A few days later I go to her store and bag myself one kilo of rice. I take it to her at the counter and say hi, how is everything?

Big smile.

Oh, very good, thanks.

No problems with anything you bought?

No, no, very happy.

I hold up the tiny bag of rice, return her smile, and give my eyebrows my best Groucho wiggle.

She says, 36 baht.

So... she is a better negotiator than you?

You were in business selling your stuff, she offered you a low price, you accepted it. So you go to her store and expect her to give away the products because you agreed to her low ball price before.

I'm not seeing it the way you see it apparently.

.

I'm not seeing it the way you see it apparently.

No, you're not.

I saw it as a cute story.

[flyingdoc]

I agree with Thrilled and Neversure!

[Doc46]

There is only one thing you can do,,,Don't help anyone and keep to yourself,,,That way you will not get screwed over and you can live happy in Thailand ,,,Proven fact,works for me and a good friend of mine,,,

[atyclb]

to OP;

IMO from experience living in the country i have a theory about why she she tried to sell you some mushrooms for 50 bat. it has to do with baseline absence of critical thinking and poor attention-memory span. perhaps she simply is incapable of connecting the dots plus does not remember well. the intellectual development can be very poor although there are many people that would be grateful. theres also selfish entitled people. thai society also has a component of "I dont care" at all levels. my condo is largely affluent thais. most are very nice but a few are not. some smoke in the elevator and do other rude things.

on the other hand after repairing a friends computer he will not let me pay for at his restaurant.

spend some time with the child and try to show you care.

[NoshowJones]

It's not just some people in Thailand.I believe it's that way all over the world.I really believe it's how the individual person was

Raised.There are so many 1 way people in the world it's unbelievable.I've got to the point I never think A person will do me A

Favor just because I do them one.But the way I was raised I won't stop helping people.

It's just the culture, nothing else. If I buy or give something to Mrs Possum, she will say "thank you darling".

If I buy or give something to her to give to someone else, the someone else will not come to me and say "thank you".

I don't let it bother me, and just accept it.

[Kenny202]

There is only one thing you can do,,,Don't help anyone and keep to yourself,,,That way you will not get screwed over and you can live happy in Thailand ,,,Proven fact,works for me and a good friend of mine,,,

I will still help where I can particularly kids. I get enough return from that. I wasn't asking or expecting anything back only thought it strange she come wanting money for something. I mean she gathered the mushrooms in the forest. Didn't cost her anything. Anyway I do agree with you re keep to yourself as much as possible. I'll always say hello and be friendly but better leave an air of mystique. I believe people generally respect us here albeit simply because we come from a strange land and have money. But familiarity definitely breeds contempt in Isaan

[Kenny202]

to OP;

IMO from experience living in the country i have a theory about why she she tried to sell you some mushrooms for 50 bat. it has to do with baseline absence of critical thinking and poor attention-memory span. perhaps she simply is incapable of connecting the dots plus does not remember well. the intellectual development can be very poor although there are many people that would be grateful. theres also selfish entitled people. thai society also has a component of "I dont care" at all levels. my condo is largely affluent thais. most are very nice but a few are not. some smoke in the elevator and do other rude things.

on the other hand after repairing a friends computer he will not let me pay for at his restaurant.

spend some time with the child and try to show you care.

I agree with you on all points. I gave a similar theory. All boils down to lack of education and world experience. Which of course is not their fault

[NoshowJones]

Yeah Mrs bought the mushrooms. Look I don't feel suckered. I did help her because I wanted to. I just don't understand their thinking?

If you were married to a Western girl back in your home country, then come to Thailand and

marry a Thai girl, you will soon find out that a Thai girl does not think the same as a western girl.

It is some something that has both it's advantages and disadvantages.

[natway09]

Again, hate to tell you this but Thais are not on this earth for Farangs to understand.

They do have their own agendas

[NoshowJones]

The very word for selfish in Thai (hen gaae dtuua) literally 'see, taken care of yourself' sums it up. A simple please or thank you sometimes seems not to be part of their vocabulary. Maybe it's because that when dealing with a farang they are shy and tongue tied. Many Thais on the other hand are courteous and generous. I've tried to educate my Thai kids that 'manners maketh man' but I suspect many parents don't bother.

As I have said before (and I don't need anyone to remind me), what is manners to us is not always manners to them.

Who are we to tell the Thai's what is good manners and what is not, we are in their country, just accept it.

The biggest majority of Thai people will do what they can to help you, manners or not.

[Jimlove]

Gave my gf's daughter 40.000 Baht for university inscription fee, shortly after she got pregnant, stopped her studies.

Bought her a decent mattress for 8.000 Baht so she doesn't have to sleep on the floor. No "Thank you" in either case. Now the baby is born and my gf is telling me what to buy for the baby. I am fed up supporting people without manners, style or pride.

C'mon, Thai culture... what culture ?

That's called being taken for a ride.

or smooching of others ...

Some people just dont have any manners - I dont give a hoot if someone calls it "culture" ...

[NoshowJones]

Gave my gf's daughter 40.000 Baht for university inscription fee, shortly after she got pregnant, stopped her studies.

Bought her a decent mattress for 8.000 Baht so she doesn't have to sleep on the floor. No "Thank you" in either case. Now the baby is born and my gf is telling me what to buy for the baby. I am fed up supporting people without manners, style or pride.

C'mon, Thai culture... what culture ?

I understand what you are saying, but I bet the girlfriends daughter and the girlfriend will be very grateful to you, and there may come a time

when you may need them to help you, and I bet they would.

Thai people do have manners, style, and pride, but in their own way, not yours.

[NoshowJones]

Long time ago I went to visit my GF's family . I invited the whole family to dinner and at the end the half village was "invited" not a big deal money-wise but when I asked for the bill, I noticed many of the "guests" started ordering take-away! This blew my fuse, I paid but left the same evening.

Yes, that is taking the manners bit just too far, in fact, it is taking the PI$$. I would have asked for and just paid the first bill, and left them to pay for the takeaway.

[lostinisaan]

Live up country Isaan in a village. Take one of the local ladies and her kid 20km to the hospital last week. Paid for medicine even paid for lunch. Happy to help

It's time for a reward for the OP, methinks.

[lostinisaan]

Long time ago I went to visit my GF's family . I invited the whole family to dinner and at the end the half village was "invited" not a big deal money-wise but when I asked for the bill, I noticed many of the "guests" started ordering take-away! This blew my fuse, I paid but left the same evening.

Yes, that is taking the manners bit just too far, in fact, it is taking the PI$$. I would have asked for and just paid the first bill, and left them to pay for the takeaway.

The "Takeaways" were properly only the rests in a plastic bag.....

[mmh8]

Sounds pretty ungrateful to me. Our neighbours are always giving us food. not selling

[NoshowJones]

My GF's parents just left and in all of the years I have never heard her father say 'thank you' for anything.

I have given him a super-bright LED head torch for use on his farm, the odd bottle of Jack Daniels from duty free and all manner of free food while they were here.

Plus, if at any time he feels hungry or thirsty, he thinks it's fine to go through the fridge and have whatever he wants. The nice bit of cake I got for supper, the last bottle of cold beer - anything.

And he will happily sit watching satellite TV all day while I am busy clearing out drains or cutting grass.

Oh - and the motorbike puts on a lot of km while he is here. He has never asked if it is OK to use it.

Is this normal behaviour ?. He is 100% red-shirt and doesn't help my opinion of them one little bit.

Her mum is fine though. Polite and always in the garden helping out.

Is this normal behaviour ? Some of it is, I do remember one time my wife asked me if her brother could borrow my motorbike as we were both going away in the truck for the day.

I agreed no problem, he lives nearby, and no advantage of me was taken as his motorbike was getting repaired. That was the only time in ten years I was ever asked.