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Pressures of living in an Isaan village


Kenny202

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I think my wife is starting to feel some pressure living here. Been a lot of pressures on her moving back here with a farang husband...strangely I've adapted easilly. I think she thought she would move back here and receive instant status etc but the tall poppy syndrome is alive and well in Isaan. Petty jealousies, gossip, showing off par for the course. My wife came to live in Australia for a year and wasn't impressed with the big house etc. She couldn't get the same food there as in Isaan haha. I wud rather have a girl like that than a woman who dives into the designer lifestyle. She grew up dirt poor, and I mean poorer than most poor people here. She really hasn't changed either, the people around her have though. For eg people can't understand why she has money yet she dresses like a farm girl and gossip. If she was getting around in designer gear and make up she'd be equally ostrasised. She's had 3 friends put photos of me in their Facebook and lead others to believe i am their guy. Even close friends which has hurt her deeply. Had a girl here yesterday joke to her if my wife doesn't help her find a farang husband she'll come and steal me. A joke but not a joke to an Isaan girl. Half the people seem to gossip because I roll my own cigarettes and we chose to renovate her basic 2 bedroom home rather than build a palace. We have a lovely comfortable home but who in their right mind would spend millions of baht on a home on non chanote village land in someone elses name. I'm kie neow and kie nok. Seems like many would like to see her fall down and very hard for her to win it would seem. Weve gone out of our way to be friendly and respectful, live low key and help where we can. I wont have a bar of showing off. Its easy for me to genuinely respect most here because I cudnt work on a farm bent over for 12 hours in 40 degree heat. We have a lot of genuine friends here too but the few negative types dominate my wifes thoughts. The gossip really doesn't worry me as in most cases whilst they're wrong I can understand the childlike reasoning, lack of education and the boredom which breeds gossip. There are some hiso families in the village with big homes and big gates and they simply shut the lower people out of their lives. Strangely people here seem to respect that as that is how they expect someone with money to act and there comfortable. Everything as it should be. We don't encourage cadgers wanting a handout or drunks but the local kids know they are always welcome and get a feed here. Even that's been a bone of contention? Why you take care of kid but not give older people anything? I'm afforded VIP Status everywhere I go simply because I am a farang. I actually like the language barrier, I don't have to listen to any negativity. Im not whining or complaining. Im very happy living here but i do feel for my wife. Anyone else have similar pressures moving to Isaan?

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Yep - village life. It's the same the whole world over and I recognize loads of your excellent post when it comes to a Thai interpolation.

That's why the developed world has urbanised to a point where everyone lives in little padded isolation cells and dies $hit-lonely. I exaggerate for effect!

You pays yer money and you takes yer chances - we still opt for the close community life but it's subject to constant review. It does get better as the years pass.

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Yep - village life. It's the same the whole world over and I recognize loads of your excellent post when it comes to a Thai interpolation.

That's why the developed world has urbanised to a point where everyone lives in little padded isolation cells and dies $hit-lonely. I exaggerate for effect!

You pays yer money and you takes yer chances - we still opt for the close community life but it's subject to constant review. It does get better as the years pass.

one of the main reasons my wife wanted to move back here. How you can live in box not say hello next door? When I think about it was my main reason too. Wanted to get out of the revolving door...wake up, sit traffic, go to work, back home make dinner, watch TV, go to bed. Weekend go to the mall. I know in my mind in time everyone here will get used to us and understand us. Many know I'm the first one to offer a lift into town to an old person, help out with a sick kid etc. My thoughts are keep Ur head down, help where u can and in turn the good stories will overtake the gossip of those who don't even know us
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@Kenny202 and @SantiSuk,

You make some interesting observations.

@Kenny202

I think that what you're talking about is pretty much human nature. Maybe you're more aware of it than in your home country due to feeling to be an outsider looking in, or maybe because you're hearing a lot about it and only a little about other matters (as you say, "We have a lot of genuine friends here too but the few negative types dominate my wifes thoughts").

In your situation (as I sometimes am) I'd rise above it. If you know that you are decent genuine people then you don't need to pay much attention to the minority of idiots that you encounter.

I wish you good luck in Isaan.

HP

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@Kenny202 and @SantiSuk,

You make some interesting observations.

@Kenny202

I think that what you're talking about is pretty much human nature. Maybe you're more aware of it than in your home country due to feeling to be an outsider looking in, or maybe because you're hearing a lot about it and only a little about other matters (as you say, "We have a lot of genuine friends here too but the few negative types dominate my wifes thoughts").

In your situation (as I sometimes am) I'd rise above it. If you know that you are decent genuine people then you don't need to pay much attention to the minority of idiots that you encounter.

I wish you good luck in Isaan.

HP

that is my exact feeling. I guess I'm outside the forest looking at the trees. Harder for my girl. There are people here I deeply value their opinion of me. Others you do everything you can, if not good enough what can you do. Human nature is the word and it's no different over the world. Only the circumstances in which people live
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All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

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All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

you're a cranky old man JL hahaha :-)
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All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

you're a cranky old man JL hahaha :-)

No -- I just don't like stepping in the neighbors' dogs' sh-t and apparently they don't care if i have to step in their dogs' sh-t. I wouldn't say this is in the village but on the outskirts of town where there are still rice fields all around.

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I just don't get the dog situation in my area. No one appears to take care any of the dogs as a pet. Most appear to hate them and throw rocks at them. Flea bitten diseased ridden things. Luckily none are vicious here. I'm sure if someone would cull them all wud be greatfull. Same as the bloody chickens here. People here scratch up bamboo and search the trees for food yet I've never seen anyone kill a chicken or properly house them to collect eggs etc. They're just here. Luckily the dogs take the toll on the chickens

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In my situation all the dogs are pets. The flip-side is that the people from whom I rent my house and share the same front gate appreciate that they can take their kids out to school in the morning and I have already cleaned up any mess. The exception is usually only when I leave real early and the dogs have made their deposit after I leave and then they clean it up themselves so their kids won't step in the mess.

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Well I just thought it amusing that the OP says he gets along with his neighbors but I certainly don't and it's only because of their dogs.

Beyond that I don't get into dog psychology as to why they do what they do.

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Well I just thought it amusing that the OP says he gets along with his neighbors but I certainly don't and it's only because of their dogs.

Beyond that I don't get into dog psychology as to why they do what they do.

Oh my neighbour's can be just as annoying. Like opening a shop / lao Kao bar and have drunks sitting around all day and night staring straight into our home waiting for an opportunity to scream out "falang" everytime I show my face at the front door. Or all the rubbish that blows into our home from same said home. I just smile and fake it Thai style
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good example of cultural and lifestyle differences. I don't think your average thai country girl can understand what crap a middle class person in (I will give my country USA as an example) goes through. How much we pay in bills, how nasty some bosses can be. They really can't comprehend how after 30 years or more of pressure we can be quite content with a modest low level lifestyle. Eat, sleep, get a foot massage, travel, not deal with worldly stuff, etc. I decompress greatly when I am in Thailand. I would kill myself if I retired there and started right where I left off, house mortgage, concern over paying but never owning, car payments, etc. I love baht busses! Of course I know several Thais that moved to the USA, and a few that moved back to Thailand. Some work out well, some don't. I hate gossip. Lots of words in buddhism about not doing it and I agree. Thais are social creatures. I suspect I can imagine how they grow up better than they can imagine how I grew up. But that is because I didn't come from money, nothing fancy, one car family, went to public school. Never had money for jewelry, flashy car, etc. Spent a lot of time in rural New Hampshire and knew lots of locals that barely got by.

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I suspect the dogs are trying to make a statement.biggrin.png

Or the dogs are TV members who read Mr Crabs posts and maybe it is payback.What goes around comes around."Shit Happens"said Forrest.

Thank you. So what about the family that I rent from with school-age kids? I guess it's just payback to them for renting to me as well.

I take take heat however when I do mostly from the males of the 4 Thai couples who rent the 4 houses across the street with the dogs. I figure those guys look at my girlfriend who comes over and then look at their wives and then it's no wonder they have a mad-on for me.

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My wife gets asked why she doesn't wear gold (because somebody nearly stole her necklace one day), why we only have a small car (because it's cheaper and easier to park amongst other things), why she doesn't wear make-up (because I told her I'd leave if she does), why I don't finish the extension (because I am spending the money on a garden wall and fence), and so on. We don't care.

On the other hand we get asked for money and are told I am miserly when I don't give money to people that are unlikely to pay back, and my wife is constantly asked to get them a Farang (which means the same as give me some money), she just tells them to learn English first and come back later. She very often didn't get paid when she did this for people in the past, there are a few houses in the village built by Farangs that are no longer around, thanks to my wife but no thanks, acknowledgement or payment from the ladies involved. We don't care about that either.

Dogs: we have some yapping curs ourselves and no dog would have more than 10 seconds time to crouch down in front of our gate before being attacked.

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My wife gets asked why she doesn't wear gold (because somebody nearly stole her necklace one day), why we only have a small car (because it's cheaper and easier to park amongst other things), why she doesn't wear make-up (because I told her I'd leave if she does)

many similarities with me :-) particularly the car. Well we broke the cardinal rule....we got a 4x4 pick up. In Australia a 4x4 Isuzu or Toyota costs upwards of $50 k. A Toyota Corolla or Camry $20 - 30k and would be considered a ladies car. We live in a rural area with badly potholed and dirt roads, Creek crossings etc. What an opportunity I thought wen I found out a 4x4 pick up was so cheap here (govt subsidized? ) I mean a 4x4 is a no brainer for us. Yet we are asked all the time why don't we have a sedan? We have money? Giving a logical answer as above is met with a blank stare. Not about what does the job best, about how it looks. We see the few people in our Tambon who have sedans slowly crawling alnong the awful 10km road out to the main road all the time.
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My wife gets asked why she doesn't wear gold (because somebody nearly stole her necklace one day), why we only have a small car (because it's cheaper and easier to park amongst other things), why she doesn't wear make-up (because I told her I'd leave if she does)

many similarities with me :-) particularly the car. Well we broke the cardinal rule....we got a 4x4 pick up. In Australia a 4x4 Isuzu or Toyota costs upwards of $50 k. A Toyota Corolla or Camry $20 - 30k and would be considered a ladies car. We live in a rural area with badly potholed and dirt roads, Creek crossings etc. What an opportunity I thought wen I found out a 4x4 pick up was so cheap here (govt subsidized? ) I mean a 4x4 is a no brainer for us. Yet we are asked all the time why don't we have a sedan? We have money? Giving a logical answer as above is met with a blank stare. Not about what does the job best, about how it looks. We see the few people in our Tambon who have sedans slowly crawling alnong the awful 10km road out to the main road all the time.
I bought a sedan car so it cannot perform as an extended family/village workhorse or taxi
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I get the feeling where the OP is talking about no one cleans up dog crap.

I was only saying to my Mrs yesterday with all the soi dogs, I don't remember one time seeing dog sht anywhere?
funny I said the same to my missus not long ago. I've never seen any in the village.
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I've not lived in the village yet, only stayed at the in-laws, usually 3 weeks at a time. Everyone has always been very friendly and welcoming.

But last time I was there I made a stupid mistake. I hadn't rented a car and wasn't happy riding the Honda wave... in town I saw some bigger bikes at the yamaha dealer... i had a moment of weakness and I bought a Yamaha R3. The missus said it wouldn't be a problem. But riding in to the village on that was like driving in in a Ferrari... Everyone came to investigate and first question was how much? 185,000 baht is a lot for such a flamboyantly selfish machine. People's attitudes changed towards me. Not only in the village, but everywhere.

I will be going to live there soon and not sure how it will be.

My wife doesn't normally want expensive clothes or to show off, but she seems proud to ride around on this as a show of status...

I think it would be a good idea to sell it but not so easy

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I've not lived in the village yet, only stayed at the in-laws, usually 3 weeks at a time. Everyone has always been very friendly and welcoming.

But last time I was there I made a stupid mistake. I hadn't rented a car and wasn't happy riding the Honda wave... in town I saw some bigger bikes at the yamaha dealer... i had a moment of weakness and I bought a Yamaha R3. The missus said it wouldn't be a problem. But riding in to the village on that was like driving in in a Ferrari... Everyone came to investigate and first question was how much? 185,000 baht is a lot for such a flamboyantly selfish machine. People's attitudes changed towards me. Not only in the village, but everywhere.

I will be going to live there soon and not sure how it will be.

My wife doesn't normally want expensive clothes or to show off, but she seems proud to ride around on this as a show of status...

I think it would be a good idea to sell it but not so easy

That's one of the great benefits of having a Thai missus. They are happy for you to buy expensive toys if it makes you both look hiso. No one will think bad of you for having a bike like that...In fact they expect it. The problem starts when u buy something practical (cheap). It does their head in. Either way you can't win so "don't think to mutt" and enjoy yourself
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What is wrong with being a role model and showcasing an alternative lifestyle? Don’t preach or complain or lecture, just go about living your own life. Accept the fact that you will stand out but use that to your advantage and be a good role model for an alternative way of living. I don't agree that you can't win.

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