Pressures of living in an Isaan village

[Kenny202]

If you read my earlier posts I said that if you do the right thing , I believe time and patience will win out. I referred to the particular and present issue of the purchase of the bike as a no win. Many things I have done here whilst first laughed at have taken off. When I started growing grass was a great laugh around town. Like why would u grow something u can't eat or sell and only have to cut later? It doesnt worry me. I only smile. Many are now doing the same thing. The latest is why am I "kie neow" and not pay someone to cut the grass. Obviously i dont really have money. Everyone comes to look at our house to get ideas. I've built in robes and a pantry...many other things. They just haven't ever seen anything like that before. An electric water pump. 5000 baht which many here can afford and install easilly. Just never thought of it. I love that aspect of life here

[villagefarang]

I live in a nice house and drive a couple of nice cars but no one pays much notice any longer. They have given up asking how much because they know I won’t discuss it and have artful ways of deflecting the conversation away from money.

I walk my big dog on a leash and stop to let the little children hug her and touch her beautiful hair, as adults look on in amazement and sometimes horror. I cycle up to 100 km, don’t smoke or drink and I speak polite Thai. I don’t bother anyone or cause problems and I am not shy about being a devoted and loving husband.

I don’t live the way they think a 61 year old man should live but I am playing the long game and planting the seeds of future change by showing an alternative to what they have seen in the past. As a foreigner one is expected to be different and we are treated with a great deal of deference as well as curiosity. It is probably harder on the wife, so it is up to us to back her up and help her deal with the pressures of living between two cultures.

[maxtwo]

We don't seem to have any problems in are small village.Wife related to half of them.I don't make any big deal if some one comes round I just carry on doing my thing and let the wife do what they do.At first they used to comment on the big TV and Western kitchen and bathroom.My big problem is when we are in the UK my wife will not buy nice clothes I buy them for her but she doesn't ware them just give them away.Even when we go out in UK with her Thai friends they really dress up but she goes out like a bag lady.

[villagefarang]

We don't seem to have any problems in are small village.Wife related to half of them.I don't make any big deal if some one comes round I just carry on doing my thing and let the wife do what they do.At first they used to comment on the big TV and Western kitchen and bathroom.My big problem is when we are in the UK my wife will not buy nice clothes I buy them for her but she doesn't ware them just give them away.Even when we go out in UK with her Thai friends they really dress up but she goes out like a bag lady.

Fortunately my wife is into both fitness and fashion. I admire her ability to do it all and easily blend in with any level of society, even if she has her preferences. I have seen some Thai women grow in confidence and change their outlook while others are too fearful of change or doing anything different. Some people have it in them and some don't, I guess.

[JLCrab]

I don't have much problem particular with the older persons because, when they ask why I am here, I can reply that I came to work as a skilled volunteer at the large Foundation in town that is Under Patronage of His Majesty The King and at least the older persons are quite familiar with such Foundation and the Founder who invited me to get involved. So other than the young local neighbors that you are all getting a kick out of, I believe that I get respect of a nature that few on this website can claim.

Multiple young persons with disabilities have obtained scholarships and degrees overseas based, at least in part, upon my efforts and, although they are unaware of my involvement, local persons are quite aware of the results.

If they ask what I am doing now i can say that I run a small NGO out of USA that is involved in similar issues on an international scale and it beats telling them that I play golf 3 times a week.

[villagefarang]

Then again dogs are an excellent judge of character, showing respectful indifference to some who pass by while barking at others or defecating on their doorstep. Dogs don’t pay much attention to the résumé, just the person.

[JLCrab]

Then again dogs are an excellent judge of character, showing respectful indifference to some who pass by while barking at others or defecating on their doorstep. Dogs don’t pay much attention to the résumé, just the person.

Dogs can be a**holes just like persons.

According to my landlady the dogs have been doing this since long before I moved in. I am just the first of her tenants in the house that borders the street who has been unwilling to put up with it.

[Kenny202]

Stop stirring Mr Crab up

[JLCrab]

That's OK. Almost 40 years ago to do legal research, I had to spend large amounts of time in law libraries. Now I can do it online at home. Until recently, if I wanted to do the kind of NGO activities I do, I would have to travel to Geneva, New York, Washington, etc. Now I can just do it at home and have respected persons worldwide respond to me who in large measure should have no reason to give me even the time of day.

So I have a great time here in Thailand and socialize mostly with young non-English speaking Thai females. When guys on here laugh at me that I don't spend more time socializing with the farang community, I can point to some of things said on here and other current Forum topics and say Who the (blazes) needs it?

[tharae]

All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

you're a cranky old man JL hahaha :-)

No -- I just don't like stepping in the neighbors' dogs' sh-t and apparently they don't care if i have to step in their dogs' sh-t. I wouldn't say this is in the village but on the outskirts of town where there are still rice fields all around.

They're playing you bud. Stupid, angry farang, etc, etc. You're acting out their stereotype of the falang. Snap.

[JLCrab]

I don't care what they say because now they say very little. They were only acting out that the stupid farang doesn't know Thai and if our dogs sh-t outside his gate or window he won't say anything about it because he won't want to make us lose face.

Now when they see me they sometimes frown but they say nothing. One of them had a puppy that used to crap out by the gate and I told them if they keep letting that puppy play in the street a car is going to run over it.

The puppy is now gone.

[thehelmsman]

I don't care what they say because now they say very little. They were only acting out that the stupid farang doesn't know Thai and if our dogs sh-t outside his gate or window he won't say anything about it because he won't want to make us lose face.

Now when they see me they sometimes frown but they say nothing. One of them had a puppy that used to crap out by the gate and I told them if they keep letting that puppy play in the street a car is going to run over it.

The puppy is now gone.

Keep up the good fight and stay focused on the crap.

[JLCrab]

I don't care what they say because now they say very little. They were only acting out that the stupid farang doesn't know Thai and if our dogs sh-t outside his gate or window he won't say anything about it because he won't want to make us lose face.

Now when they see me they sometimes frown but they say nothing. One of them had a puppy that used to crap out by the gate and I told them if they keep letting that puppy play in the street a car is going to run over it.

The puppy is now gone.

Keep up the good fight and stay focused on the crap.

Thank you, I think. Nothing like getting up early in the morning and going out to buy some things to eat soon as the sun rises and there is a pile of dog sh-t right in front of your gate such that you will not be able to close the gate without stepping in unless you clean it up.

Other than that , life is pretty d-mn good where I live and the neighbors -- who are the renters not the big property owners -- nowadays keep their distance.

[streboris]

You used to be able to buy ultrasonic dog deterrents. Work like a PIR spot light but send out high pitch sounds instead of light.

Maybe worth trying one of them at the gate.

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

[473geo]

Stepping right over the dog shit........

Village life will never change, everybody will know the business of everybody, what they don't know will fabricate, will freely and openly dispense, comment, advice and offer solutions, many will go out of their way to be 'in the know' usually by asking direct questions.....in short, in a village, one is for the majority of the time, an integrated part of the whole

So it follows that at times individual preference and levels of expectation do not meet with the general consensus, add to this, that the word love, does not come anywhere close to actions that show love, i.e. buying gold, building a house for your loved one, etc. If the actions are not visible the question will be frequently asked...Why? So how is the girlfriend/wife to answer if there are no visible signs of 'love'. Indeed great pressure there!!

So for Thai ladies there will inevitably come a time when pressure must be applied to a partner for a clear demonstration of 'love'........call it face, call it what you will, but this is a hurdle any person marrying a village girl/lady will have to negotiate

You will note most of the responses from guys saying they don't really care what people in the village say, do their own thing etc.; are for the most part looking back at the first hurdle and have indeed provided 'action' to substantiate their 'love'

In my opinion controlling the level of expectation is the key to successful village life, but also to ease the tremendous burden on a girlfriend or wife by at least showing a modicum of acquiescence to the ways of village life and expectations

[Muzarella]

I think that problem is not restricted to Issan. I live in a big city, not on a countryside village...and I can see that Thai people is very concerned and affected by other people's opinion and critics....and love to show off even what its do not have or own. Even if my wife says that she do not care about all that...I know she will like for me to be rich to also show of like her friends....I am glad I do not speak Thai and cannot understand her friends comments about our simple life.....if not...I am getting p..o ..with that!

[Kenny202]

Stepping right over the dog shit........

Village life will never change, everybody will know the business of everybody, what they don't know will fabricate, will freely and openly dispense, comment, advice and offer solutions, many will go out of their way to be 'in the know' usually by asking direct questions.....in short, in a village, one is for the majority of the time, an integrated part of the whole

So it follows that at times individual preference and levels of expectation do not meet with the general consensus, add to this, that the word love, does not come anywhere close to actions that show love, i.e. buying gold, building a house for your loved one, etc. If the actions are not visible the question will be frequently asked...Why? So how is the girlfriend/wife to answer if there are no visible signs of 'love'. Indeed great pressure there!!

So for Thai ladies there will inevitably come a time when pressure must be applied to a partner for a clear demonstration of 'love'........call it face, call it what you will, but this is a hurdle any person marrying a village girl/lady will have to negotiate

You will note most of the responses from guys saying they don't really care what people in the village say, do their own thing etc.; are for the most part looking back at the first hurdle and have indeed provided 'action' to substantiate their 'love'

In my opinion controlling the level of expectation is the key to successful village life, but also to ease the tremendous burden on a girlfriend or wife by at least showing a modicum of acquiescence to the ways of village life and expectations

It hasn't been that way in our case. I mean on her part not the expectations of the locals. She learnt a lot living in Australia and if she was a material person she would have wanted to stay there. Her opinion of a big house for two people is just a larger area to clean. She has 2 baht gold and some lovely clothes which in all cases I mostly had to force her to buy. She is more into food and eating. The people here who know us, and have been to our home "get it". We don't live showy but we live well. I advised her to tell people now (and she does) that we don't want too big a home here as we plan to spend some of our time each year in Paris haha. Open mouth stare. Her biggest disappointments have been that she's kept true to her roots, respects everyone same as before and doesn't act showy and shes still a target.

[JLCrab]

You used to be able to buy ultrasonic dog deterrents. Work like a PIR spot light but send out high pitch sounds instead of light.

Maybe worth trying one of them at the gate.

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Tapatalk

That's OK. I just prefer to be patient and that more of the dogs will disappear courtesy of the cars and trucks. I can see that a few of the dogs have already been injured but managed to survive.

[willyumiii]

When my wife and I first moved here from California, we built a modest house in her family village and lived there for two years.

I had a lot of difficulty with village life, not the same as yours, but it was uncomfortable for me to live with the village communal attitude...basically, what ever was mine was theirs as far as they were concerned. Be it fruit or vegetables from my garden, my tools or my property, they considered it all to be theirs.

My solution to the problem was to move to a close by, larger village where no body was "family".

Our friends now are relatively new friends to both of us who do not make the assumptions the people ( family ) in her village made.

We are still close enough to the village that visiting is convenient and also convenient for family to visit us at out new home.

Although I do not think we will ever live in the house we built in the village again, I have written it off to experience and now we let my wife's mother live there ( since she had eight people living in her one bedroom home with her) under the condition that she does not let others move in.

All is good now.

We are happy.

Mother is happy.

The village is happy that mother has her own new home.

The village is probably happy that I am gone too.

Maybe you should consider living somewhere else, but still close to her family too?

chok dee!

[swissie]

Sorry guys, I can't really contribute much to the theme "Dog-Feces". But, by returning to the topic, I can say this:

A Farang with Thai-Wife, settling in "her" village, only wanting to lead a peaceful and non bombastic life (no Mansion, no show-off car(s) ), will soon be on the radar.

Something like this: The Thai-Lady was overseas for 10 years (or has been working in Pattaya for 10 years), general comment: "After all this time, has she not been able to land "a bigger fish" than this Farang Kiniau?"

As long as the "modest-lifestyle" was agreed upon beforehand between Farang/Thai-wife, the opinions of the villagers can be shrugged off.

However, if the idea of wanting to live a live in moderation is not shared by the Thai-Wife equally, one does not have to be a clairvoyant, to know what's around the corner.........

= "Pressures of living in an Isaan village." Indeed.

Cheers.

[Kenny202]

It really isn't like any of the above for us. We don't live in the middle of the moo ban but out 2 ks. We still have neighbour's but since I installed my fake cctv units and they are all well aware we have an alarm no one comes near our house. We live well but as you say we did agree on a modest lifestyle before coming. Two reasons for this. One is I really wanted to stay in Australia for another 5 years to increase our wealth. Was her wanted to come earlier and I'm glad we did. Other point is I'm 20 years older than her and we're having a child. We may or may not have some alternate income stream in the future but for now we have to assume every dollar we spend won't be coming back. In our circumstances I would assume I will die before her. So the thrifter we are now, the more she'll have for her future. She understands all this and is much more careful than I am. Money has never been a problem for us and the small immediate family she does have are govt workers or teachers

[JLCrab]

My apologizes to some. I only mentioned the dogs because, if my neighbors don't like me, it was only on account of their dogs. But when someone says the reason that the dogs choose to crap at your front gate crap is because they are a good judge of character, that is a little too much even for ThaiVisa.

The dogs were doing it long before I arrived so they must be good predictors of the future as well.

[thehelmsman]

My wife gets asked why she doesn't wear gold (because somebody nearly stole her necklace one day), why we only have a small car (because it's cheaper and easier to park amongst other things), why she doesn't wear make-up (because I told her I'd leave if she does)

many similarities with me :-) particularly the car. Well we broke the cardinal rule....we got a 4x4 pick up. In Australia a 4x4 Isuzu or Toyota costs upwards of $50 k. A Toyota Corolla or Camry $20 - 30k and would be considered a ladies car. We live in a rural area with badly potholed and dirt roads, Creek crossings etc. What an opportunity I thought wen I found out a 4x4 pick up was so cheap here (govt subsidized? ) I mean a 4x4 is a no brainer for us. Yet we are asked all the time why don't we have a sedan? We have money? Giving a logical answer as above is met with a blank stare. Not about what does the job best, about how it looks. We see the few people in our Tambon who have sedans slowly crawling alnong the awful 10km road out to the main road all the time.

I bought a sedan car so it cannot perform as an extended family/village workhorse or taxi

When I bought my truck I thought the same thing but am glad I bought 4 dr. Pickup. I've had the back end full of people on many occassions going to visit family or special destination. It's not bad. A truck was the right decision for us.

[Bosse137]

I have lived in an Isaan village for more than twenty years.I have lived here without even a bicycle and later,with two cars.I have lived here in a big house and now,in a very small simple house.Me and my wife pay no attention to trends with clothes.She works cutting rubbertrees in the night,I work with things on our land.Everybody show us respect and we have never had any troubles regarding what people might say about us.Perhaps because we do not have time and interest to find out about it?! BTW,people talk about each other all the time,gossip is a way of life,not only here.Why care about it? Me, for one, don`t give a shit about what they think or say;I live my live as I see fit and so does my wife!

[DILLIGAD]

I've not lived in the village yet, only stayed at the in-laws, usually 3 weeks at a time. Everyone has always been very friendly and welcoming.

But last time I was there I made a stupid mistake. I hadn't rented a car and wasn't happy riding the Honda wave... in town I saw some bigger bikes at the yamaha dealer... i had a moment of weakness and I bought a Yamaha R3. The missus said it wouldn't be a problem. But riding in to the village on that was like driving in in a Ferrari... Everyone came to investigate and first question was how much? 185,000 baht is a lot for such a flamboyantly selfish machine. People's attitudes changed towards me. Not only in the village, but everywhere.

I will be going to live there soon and not sure how it will be.

My wife doesn't normally want expensive clothes or to show off, but she seems proud to ride around on this as a show of status...

I think it would be a good idea to sell it but not so easy

How will it be?

Easy..... Empty of fuel, bashed up a bit and in need of a service.

BTW, I'm talking about your bike, not ..........(Don't matter)

Best of luck to you.

[lostinisaan]

<snip>When I started growing grass was a great laugh around town. Like why would u grow something u can't eat or sell and only have to cut later? ,sni>

Better laughing than beating wives up............

Okay, will overhear that once. Is it Sensimilla? People certainly do sell it, put it in Tom Yam and to cut it can be fun.

[Kenny202]

I wish :-(

[arfurcrown]

Life is what you make it.

[Jip99]

Sorry guys, I can't really contribute much to the theme "Dog-Feces". But, by returning to the topic, I can say this:

A Farang with Thai-Wife, settling in "her" village, only wanting to lead a peaceful and non bombastic life (no Mansion, no show-off car(s) ), will soon be on the radar.

Something like this: The Thai-Lady was overseas for 10 years (or has been working in Pattaya for 10 years), general comment: "After all this time, has she not been able to land "a bigger fish" than this Farang Kiniau?"

As long as the "modest-lifestyle" was agreed upon beforehand between Farang/Thai-wife, the opinions of the villagers can be shrugged off.

However, if the idea of wanting to live a live in moderation is not shared by the Thai-Wife equally, one does not have to be a clairvoyant, to know what's around the corner.........

= "Pressures of living in an Isaan village." Indeed.

Cheers.

I always find it amazing how neighbours (or family) who have absolutely nothing, have achieved nothing and have no ambition to get of their ar5es to achieve anything, can comment on how little others have!

[Sirbergan]

I think my wife is starting to feel some pressure living here. Been a lot of pressures on her moving back here with a farang husband...strangely I've adapted easilly. I think she thought she would move back here and receive instant status etc but the tall poppy syndrome is alive and well in Isaan. Petty jealousies, gossip, showing off par for the course. My wife came to live in Australia for a year and wasn't impressed with the big house etc. She couldn't get the same food there as in Isaan haha. I wud rather have a girl like that than a woman who dives into the designer lifestyle. She grew up dirt poor, and I mean poorer than most poor people here. She really hasn't changed either, the people around her have though. For eg people can't understand why she has money yet she dresses like a farm girl and gossip. If she was getting around in designer gear and make up she'd be equally ostrasised. She's had 3 friends put photos of me in their Facebook and lead others to believe i am their guy. Even close friends which has hurt her deeply. Had a girl here yesterday joke to her if my wife doesn't help her find a farang husband she'll come and steal me. A joke but not a joke to an Isaan girl. Half the people seem to gossip because I roll my own cigarettes and we chose to renovate her basic 2 bedroom home rather than build a palace. We have a lovely comfortable home but who in their right mind would spend millions of baht on a home on non chanote village land in someone elses name. I'm kie neow and kie nok. Seems like many would like to see her fall down and very hard for her to win it would seem. Weve gone out of our way to be friendly and respectful, live low key and help where we can. I wont have a bar of showing off. Its easy for me to genuinely respect most here because I cudnt work on a farm bent over for 12 hours in 40 degree heat. We have a lot of genuine friends here too but the few negative types dominate my wifes thoughts. The gossip really doesn't worry me as in most cases whilst they're wrong I can understand the childlike reasoning, lack of education and the boredom which breeds gossip. There are some hiso families in the village with big homes and big gates and they simply shut the lower people out of their lives. Strangely people here seem to respect that as that is how they expect someone with money to act and there comfortable. Everything as it should be. We don't encourage cadgers wanting a handout or drunks but the local kids know they are always welcome and get a feed here. Even that's been a bone of contention? Why you take care of kid but not give older people anything? I'm afforded VIP Status everywhere I go simply because I am a farang. I actually like the language barrier, I don't have to listen to any negativity. Im not whining or complaining. Im very happy living here but i do feel for my wife. Anyone else have similar pressures moving to Isaan?

You're not alone on that one, that's for sure.

We got sick and tired of it after 3 years, and moved to a city 70 km away as a result. We have now cut more or less all contact with the people in my wife's village. Our only regret is that we built a house there in the first place, a house which is now unoccupied and will get more and more run down.

Some villages are a lot better than others, the worst villages are the ones where most of the villagers seems do little but drink Lao Kao and play cards all day.