Pressures of living in an Isaan village

[NoshowJones]

I get the feeling where the OP is talking about no one cleans up dog crap.

I was only saying to my Mrs yesterday with all the soi dogs, I don't remember one time seeing dog sht anywhere?

Yes, I'm the same, it's like watching a cowboy movie and you see all those horses, but no sh*t on the roads.

[giddyup]

Interesting insight into village life but post was hard to read as one huge paragraph

Stream of consciousness?

[JLCrab]

JLCRAB Get over the dog sh£t. This is not the JLCRAB forumn. Your dogs shit crap is hijacking the topic. Start your own thread about dog sh£t.

it's my thread and Mr Crab can sht all over it as far as I'm concerned. Crap away JL :-)

Well it's a change from the typical TV topic where some guys post that your Thai wife/TGF is a whore who cringes at your very touch and will drop you in 2 seconds if your money ever runs out meanwhile the girls line up every evening for me even though I DON'T PAY for it.

[Kenny202]

JLCRAB Get over the dog sh£t. This is not the JLCRAB forumn. Your dogs shit crap is hijacking the topic. Start your own thread about dog sh£t.

it's my thread and Mr Crab can sht all over it as far as I'm concerned. Crap away JL :-)

Well it's a change from the typical TV topic where some guys post that your Thai wife/TGF is a whore who cringes at your very touch and will drop you in 2 seconds if your money ever runs out meanwhile the girls line up every evening for me even though I DON'T PAY for it.

Why you need pay when you welly welly Hansum man JL :-)

[NanLaew]

I reckon the OP's wife loves him and that's all that matters really.

[NanLaew]

... meanwhile the girls line up every evening for me even though I DON'T PAY for it.

Gosh, I remember those days.... seems like only yesterday too.

[JLCrab]

... meanwhile the girls line up every evening for me even though I DON'T PAY for it.

Gosh, I remember those days.... seems like only yesterday too.

Dementia can do that.

[Kenny202]

I reckon the OP's wife loves him and that's all that matters really.

Yeah we don't have money / family issues or any of the horrors u read on here.. My only problem keeping the food up to her haha. I keep telling her all will balance out in the end. Do good get good Kharma and all that. A few of the lead gossips are already in diabolicals of their own making.

[ToddinChonburi]

Sounds like small town USA to me, everybody knows every bodies business. Kinda sad you know. They would print the speeding tickets and DWI's in the paper. Imaging going to church on Sunday after the husband got a DWI . YOUR WIFE IS FINDING OUT WHO HER REAL FRIENDS ARE !!! Hopefully she can rise above this and move on with her good friends.

Jealousy is a sad sad thing. Good luck.

[Kenny202]

Sounds like small town USA to me, everybody knows every bodies business. Kinda sad you know. They would print the speeding tickets and DWI's in the paper. Imaging going to church on Sunday after the husband got a DWI . YOUR WIFE IS FINDING OUT WHO HER REAL FRIENDS ARE !!! Hopefully she can rise above this and move on with her good friends.

Jealousy is a sad sad thing. Good luck.

It is very much like country Australia gossip wise. Yes we have many good friends here, many more than the few gossips. Trying to get the missus to see the glass half full, not empty :-)

[kennypowers]

OP, you can't win. Whatever you and your wife do it will be subject to gossip, judgement and criticism. As someone touched on above, this is the village mentality...

The biggest myth in Thailand is that marrying a foreigner gives you some sort of status. It really doesn't unless that foreigner is famous or from a famous family. No matter how much gold your wife has, how big her house is, how many cars and designer clothes she has people will say nasty things about how she got that money; i.e. opened her legs for an old farang.

Even if she is humble, staying true to her roots, doing work for charity, helping local kids with their English, donating money to the local temple, etc, people will gossip about her saying she's "bannock". "She has all that money but she looks and acts "con Isaan mak leuy". They will then turn to you and say you are tight with your money. In their mind, what's the point in marrying a foreigner if your life is still that of a poor person. they don't consider for one minute that you might both be very happy and enjoying your lives without the need to show off and spend a fortune to keep up face.

A stupid mentality, yes. Will it change, no.

This is a class-driven society, and class is determined at birth, which means a poor, uneducated girl never escapes the stigma attached to that and people will always try to bring her down instead of being happy that she has tried to improve her lot in life and found some relative happiness.

[MyFriend You]

All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

Sling shots and .5mm bb's in the ass while taking a dump reminds them who is Alpha. If the neighbors don't like you now for bithcin about their dogs, they will really think your nutso and otally leave you alone after a few of the soi dogs start limping around. I dout the BIB in Isaan will even bother answering the phone with soi dog abuse complaints.

[Kenny202]

I don't think anyone around here gives a rats ass about the dogs. No one seems to own any particular dog or takes care of them. I'd love to go to a moo ban meeting and offer to cull them all (humanely of course) . I don't think anyone would oppose it. I suspect someone is already busy doing that as a few of them already disappeared killing chickens. And on that note who's frigging chickens are they? The chooks seem to be in the same boat as the dogs. No one eats them, collects the eggs or looks after them

[dsurin66]

All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

this is thailand not your nanny state country where you were born. you should not yell and raise your voice in my opinion

[mikiea]

All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

you're a cranky old man JL hahaha :-)

if i knew which house the dog belonged to .... i would just chuck it over there .

[Kenny202]

All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

this is thailand not your nanny state country where you were born. you should not yell and raise your voice in my opinion

They all yell at each other all the time as a matter of course in Isaan. They probably think your saying good morning

[Tonawatchee]

If you and your wife start showing up at the wat regularly on the Buddhist days, your respect in the village will grow. People will begin to recognize you at the morning market. I don't attend regularly as much as my wife does but many of the villagers have taken notice and appreciate my involvement. And Buddhism is a good thing to learn about especially if your going to live here.

[JLCrab]

All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

this is thailand not your nanny state country where you were born. you should not yell and raise your voice in my opinion

They all yell at each other all the time as a matter of course in Isaan. They probably think your saying good morning

It spooks them to have a farang yell at them in Thai.

[stoneyboy]

If you and your wife start showing up at the wat regularly on the Buddhist days, your respect in the village will grow. People will begin to recognize you at the morning market. I don't attend regularly as much as my wife does but many of the villagers have taken notice and appreciate my involvement. And Buddhism is a good thing to learn about especially if your going to live here.

Do you drag your wife to Church every week and on important holidays ?

Does she return the favour of immersing herself in your culture ?

All this,doing this and doing that to appease the locals is utter tosh.

Thai people merely don't wish to interact with Farang especially in upcountry villages anywhere in Thailand not just the North East simply because they have so little in common.

I have attempted to make friends,for myself and my family,it's like pulling teeth.

The language barrier is the first hurdle,very few Thais outside of the big cities speak any English,even if you speak Thai what is it you discuss.

You are just the Farang and are seen as a source of income like it or not and every Tom,Dick and Harry will have something to say about you and how you and your wife came to be

The best thing to do is simply ignore them and give your girlfriend/wife the ultimatum that it's them or you.

[kennypowers]

If you and your wife start showing up at the wat regularly on the Buddhist days, your respect in the village will grow. People will begin to recognize you at the morning market. I don't attend regularly as much as my wife does but many of the villagers have taken notice and appreciate my involvement. And Buddhism is a good thing to learn about especially if your going to live here.

Thai bashing is not my thing at all, but on this point I have to say that 95% of Thais I know have no idea what type of Buddhism they are practicing or the true teachings of the Buddha. Thai Buddhism is a mixture of Brahmanism, Hinduism and mostly distorted Buddhist beliefs, depending on the monk doing the misleading. There are well-run temples and proper teachers, but these are few and far between.

The majority go to pray, offer alms or worship a deity for their own selfish gain, more money, sell more at my shop, better health for my family, a boyfriend, etc. No one seems to realise that this is completely the opposite to the teachings of Buddha. The pathway is to one of selflessness and detachment from desire, grasping, striving and therefore a release from the mental suffering caused by the constant judgment, criticism and perceptions of others that make us selfish, greedy, stressed, anxious and unhappy.

So going to the temple to increase one's face and reputation is polar to the point of going. It's actually pretty disrespectful and a ludicrous way to earn the respect of others.

Ask one of the Thais in your village when they last wished for world peace, or for those worse off than themselves to have as much as they have, instead of seeking inspiration for the lottery numbers or a way to increase their bank balance.

This isn't exclusive to Thais, by the way, it's a modern human condition.

[Kenny202]

If you and your wife start showing up at the wat regularly on the Buddhist days, your respect in the village will grow. People will begin to recognize you at the morning market. I don't attend regularly as much as my wife does but many of the villagers have taken notice and appreciate my involvement. And Buddhism is a good thing to learn about especially if your going to live here.

Do you drag your wife to Church every week and on important holidays ?

Does she return the favour of immersing herself in your culture ?

All this,doing this and doing that to appease the locals is utter tosh.

Thai people merely don't wish to interact with Farang especially in upcountry villages anywhere in Thailand not just the North East simply because they have so little in common.

I have attempted to make friends,for myself and my family,it's like pulling teeth.

The language barrier is the first hurdle,very few Thais outside of the big cities speak any English,even if you speak Thai what is it you discuss.

You are just the Farang and are seen as a source of income like it or not and every Tom,Dick and Harry will have something to say about you and how you and your wife came to be

The best thing to do is simply ignore them and give your girlfriend/wife the ultimatum that it's them or you.

People here aren't like that at all. Most are friendly, warm and sincere. I don't expect people here to speak English. We have had friends around for dinner and whilst I can't have a proper conversation per Se. ..I feel warm and comfortable with them, we all have a laugh and get the gyst of what's being discussed. No ultimatums needed with the missus. I just feel for her.

All of what u say about does she do this and do that for me....Thais just don't think like that, not in their program. They give back in other ways. If you live with a Thai woman and expect the same back in terms of our emotional values...you will never be happy

[stoneyboy]

If you and your wife start showing up at the wat regularly on the Buddhist days, your respect in the village will grow. People will begin to recognize you at the morning market. I don't attend regularly as much as my wife does but many of the villagers have taken notice and appreciate my involvement. And Buddhism is a good thing to learn about especially if your going to live here.

Do you drag your wife to Church every week and on important holidays ?

Does she return the favour of immersing herself in your culture ?

All this,doing this and doing that to appease the locals is utter tosh.

Thai people merely don't wish to interact with Farang especially in upcountry villages anywhere in Thailand not just the North East simply because they have so little in common.

I have attempted to make friends,for myself and my family,it's like pulling teeth.

The language barrier is the first hurdle,very few Thais outside of the big cities speak any English,even if you speak Thai what is it you discuss.

You are just the Farang and are seen as a source of income like it or not and every Tom,Dick and Harry will have something to say about you and how you and your wife came to be

The best thing to do is simply ignore them and give your girlfriend/wife the ultimatum that it's them or you.

People here aren't like that at all. Most are friendly, warm and sincere. I don't expect people here to speak English. We have had friends around for dinner and whilst I can't have a proper conversation per Se. ..I feel warm and comfortable with them, we all have a laugh and get the gyst of what's being discussed. No ultimatums needed with the missus. I just feel for her.

All of what u say about does she do this and do that for me....Thais just don't think like that, not in their program. They give back in other ways. If you live with a Thai woman and expect the same back in terms of our emotional values...you will never be happy

So what is it she gives back specifically ?

What is it that you and she have so much in common with one another that makes your relationship a successful one ?

And one that applies extra pressure to said relationship by immersing yourself in a way of life you are unfamiliar with and one which causes additional pressure to your wife.

I'm genuinely intrigued because I have faced many hurdles in my time here over the silliest of things.

Having people round for a meal whereby you get the gyst of things isn't for me the same as having friends round and having a decent chin wag over a meal discussing things that you are all familiar with and having a genuine warmth and love for those friends,I can not and have never connected with Thai people the way I did back home.

[Kenny202]

If you and your wife start showing up at the wat regularly on the Buddhist days, your respect in the village will grow. People will begin to recognize you at the morning market. I don't attend regularly as much as my wife does but many of the villagers have taken notice and appreciate my involvement. And Buddhism is a good thing to learn about especially if your going to live here.

Do you drag your wife to Church every week and on important holidays ?

Does she return the favour of immersing herself in your culture ?

All this,doing this and doing that to appease the locals is utter tosh.

Thai people merely don't wish to interact with Farang especially in upcountry villages anywhere in Thailand not just the North East simply because they have so little in common.

I have attempted to make friends,for myself and my family,it's like pulling teeth.

The language barrier is the first hurdle,very few Thais outside of the big cities speak any English,even if you speak Thai what is it you discuss.

You are just the Farang and are seen as a source of income like it or not and every Tom,Dick and Harry will have something to say about you and how you and your wife came to be

The best thing to do is simply ignore them and give your girlfriend/wife the ultimatum that it's them or you.

People here aren't like that at all. Most are friendly, warm and sincere. I don't expect people here to speak English. We have had friends around for dinner and whilst I can't have a proper conversation per Se. ..I feel warm and comfortable with them, we all have a laugh and get the gyst of what's being discussed. No ultimatums needed with the missus. I just feel for her.

All of what u say about does she do this and do that for me....Thais just don't think like that, not in their program. They give back in other ways. If you live with a Thai woman and expect the same back in terms of our emotional values...you will never be happy

So what is it she gives back specifically ?

What is it that you and she have so much in common with one another that makes your relationship a successful one ?

And one that applies extra pressure to said relationship by immersing yourself in a way of life you are unfamiliar with and one which causes additional pressure to your wife.

I'm genuinely intrigued because I have faced many hurdles in my time here over the silliest of things.

Having people round for a meal whereby you get the gyst of things isn't for me the same as having friends round and having a decent chin wag over a meal discussing things that you are all familiar with and having a genuine warmth and love for those friends,I can not and have never connected with Thai people the way I did back home.

why would you come here if you wanted the same things you had back home? My job back home I had stupid people annoying me all day long. Im happy to be somewhat removed from everyday communication with people. Quasi comms suit me fine. You cant generallize and rationalize everything here like a ledger book or in farang terms. What do I get back? I live in a beautiful rural mountain area. with a beautiful gentle interesting woman I love in a new and interesting and sometimes frustrating / challenging culture. I actually live in her home. She is 6 weeks pregnant with my child. What I get is a new life at 50. I count my lucky stars every day.

[villagefarang]

We have some amazing Thai friends who we connect with on a very deep level. The only thing is that we don't live near each other so we have to keep in touch with them on Facebook until we can visit each other.

[stoneyboy]

If you and your wife start showing up at the wat regularly on the Buddhist days, your respect in the village will grow. People will begin to recognize you at the morning market. I don't attend regularly as much as my wife does but many of the villagers have taken notice and appreciate my involvement. And Buddhism is a good thing to learn about especially if your going to live here.

Do you drag your wife to Church every week and on important holidays ?

Does she return the favour of immersing herself in your culture ?

All this,doing this and doing that to appease the locals is utter tosh.

Thai people merely don't wish to interact with Farang especially in upcountry villages anywhere in Thailand not just the North East simply because they have so little in common.

I have attempted to make friends,for myself and my family,it's like pulling teeth.

The language barrier is the first hurdle,very few Thais outside of the big cities speak any English,even if you speak Thai what is it you discuss.

You are just the Farang and are seen as a source of income like it or not and every Tom,Dick and Harry will have something to say about you and how you and your wife came to be

The best thing to do is simply ignore them and give your girlfriend/wife the ultimatum that it's them or you.

People here aren't like that at all. Most are friendly, warm and sincere. I don't expect people here to speak English. We have had friends around for dinner and whilst I can't have a proper conversation per Se. ..I feel warm and comfortable with them, we all have a laugh and get the gyst of what's being discussed. No ultimatums needed with the missus. I just feel for her.

All of what u say about does she do this and do that for me....Thais just don't think like that, not in their program. They give back in other ways. If you live with a Thai woman and expect the same back in terms of our emotional values...you will never be happy

So what is it she gives back specifically ?

What is it that you and she have so much in common with one another that makes your relationship a successful one ?

And one that applies extra pressure to said relationship by immersing yourself in a way of life you are unfamiliar with and one which causes additional pressure to your wife.

I'm genuinely intrigued because I have faced many hurdles in my time here over the silliest of things.

Having people round for a meal whereby you get the gyst of things isn't for me the same as having friends round and having a decent chin wag over a meal discussing things that you are all familiar with and having a genuine warmth and love for those friends,I can not and have never connected with Thai people the way I did back home.

why would you come here if you wanted the same things you had back home? My job back home I had stupid people annoying me all day long. Im happy to be somewhat removed from everyday communication with people. Quasi comms suit me fine. You cant generallize and rationalize everything here like a ledger book or in farang terms. What do I get back? I live in a beautiful rural mountain area. with a beautiful gentle interesting woman I love in a new and interesting and sometimes frustrating / challenging culture. I actually live in her home. She is 6 weeks pregnant with my child. What I get is a new life at 50. I count my lucky stars every day.

So for you the key is having a new life at 50.

Well I'm 35 and have been here since I was 29 so there was never nothing to escape from and I still return on a regular basis to the Farang ledger book of work and communication.

I too once loved the new challenge of the culture and scenery etc etc,but the longer I've been here and understood more I've sadly started to realise just what a pretty disappointing place it is.

Good luck with the baby and the future.

[louse1953]

Mate,that is spot on my old situation.It takes time to realise both of you are not blowins.I have kee neiw tattooed on my forehead.No i am not buying crap Issan land from somebody who wants to make a killing from a farang buffalo.This is not the missus,this is people in the village in huge debt.Unfortunately FBs have gone before us,or rumours of some fool with to much money.My missus knows the score and is cool with that.I don't like it but she tells them i am loaded but it's locked in the stockmarket.I stay home and sell eggs to my real friends,they seem to like being served by a farang.My missus wears JJ's and singlet and i just wear JJ's and i put a singlet on to go out.The oldies joke that they want me to be poo yai.

[Kenny202]

So for you the key is having a new life at 50.

Well I'm 35 and have been here since I was 29 so there was never nothing to escape from and I still return on a regular basis to the Farang ledger book of work and communication.

I too once loved the new challenge of the culture and scenery etc etc,but the longer I've been here and understood more I've sadly started to realise just what a pretty disappointing place it is.

Good luck with the baby and the future.

Thank you. Who knows in a few years time I may feel the same but I won't have lost anything. I haven't invested my life savings here or anything. If you asked me 3 years ago, when I had a corporate position, 2 cars and a large home if I'd be living in a Thai village I would have laughed at you. Thanks for the good wishes :-)

[louse1953]

Yep - village life. It's the same the whole world over and I recognize loads of your excellent post when it comes to a Thai interpolation.

That's why the developed world has urbanised to a point where everyone lives in little padded isolation cells and dies $hit-lonely. I exaggerate for effect!

You pays yer money and you takes yer chances - we still opt for the close community life but it's subject to constant review. It does get better as the years pass.

one of the main reasons my wife wanted to move back here. How you can live in box not say hello next door? When I think about it was my main reason too. Wanted to get out of the revolving door...wake up, sit traffic, go to work, back home make dinner, watch TV, go to bed. Weekend go to the mall. I know in my mind in time everyone here will get used to us and understand us. Many know I'm the first one to offer a lift into town to an old person, help out with a sick kid etc. My thoughts are keep Ur head down, help where u can and in turn the good stories will overtake the gossip of those who don't even know us

Hey Kenny it must be an Ozzy thing.I take the Yais to market or hospital if i am going that way.Sometimes they book me in the previous night.They used to try and get in the back but i asked them to come up front in the ac.Teaching them about putting seatbelt on was interesting as i brushed there motherly bosums,laughs all round.I stayed away from school girls for a while,but they would ask the missus why i didn't stop for them,am i a snob.Well i pick them up too now.

[kennypowers]

So for you the key is having a new life at 50.

Well I'm 35 and have been here since I was 29 so there was never nothing to escape from and I still return on a regular basis to the Farang ledger book of work and communication.

I too once loved the new challenge of the culture and scenery etc etc,but the longer I've been here and understood more I've sadly started to realise just what a pretty disappointing place it is.

Good luck with the baby and the future.

Thank you. Who knows in a few years time I may feel the same but I won't have lost anything. I haven't invested my life savings here or anything. If you asked me 3 years ago, when I had a corporate position, 2 cars and a large home if I'd be living in a Thai village I would have laughed at you. Thanks for the good wishes :-)

I arrived at 29 too, and am now 36. I think most people and places turn out to be somewhat of a disappointment, or least not what they initially seemed. To quote Rodriguez, "tourists don't see things in the clearness of day". Thailand is no different to any other country in this respect. In this life you have to carve out your own existence, wherever you are. If you wait for others to validate your existence or lean on them for internal happiness you'll always be left feeling somewhat empty. Stand by what you believe in (this changes over time), surround yourself with those you care about, try not to judge people, as most act out of the same quiet desperation we all do, do your best to avoid stress and enjoy the moment, because that's all there is.

[JLCrab]

We have great conversations in my sometimes fractured Thai. Some go like this Burns & Allen script:

Gracie: You can’t eat these peaches, it’s twelve o’clock!

Harry Morton: What has that got to do with it?

Gracie: It says right here: should serve from two to four.

The other day I said Hello! to the only other farang in the restaurant. The TGF said: My friend. I asked her if she knew the girl he was seated with until I realized 'my' is the only English pronoun she knows and she thought maybe he was my friend. I said No I don't know who he is I just was saying Hello!

BTW as reading some of the posts above I traveled extensive in SE Asia and China for work for 15 years including 3 extended trips to Thailand before moving full time to Thailand and already could handle the language so I would say that does make a difference