Pressures of living in an Isaan village

[fang37]

I too have enjoyed this thread.

I do not live in Isaan but nearby.

Built a house according to wifey's specs - far too big & luxurious for me.

PILs live with us - OK. I am the senior member of the clan.

Neighbors delightful.

Rural living - paradise.

Here, one can reassess life's priorities.

So quiet; birds sing; banana, palm & coconut trees sway in the breeze.

Still civilized - Lotus & Makro.

Problems - only of my own making.

[villagefarang]

I know this is a bit late but I just reread something I wrote back in 2008 and thought is might fit in this discussion so decided to share.

"My wife’s words reminded me that we (foreigners) take for granted our ability to discuss things openly and disagree on a wide variety of subjects and topics. We need not be unnecessarily concerned with the other’s social class, title, age or seniority, unlike a Thai. We don’t concern ourselves with what is “appropriate behavior”. We are not paralyzed by our fear of what others will think of us or say about us. We are not afraid to defend ourselves when we feel wronged. Many things that we take for granted would be unimaginable for a Thai, at least within the confines of their own culture. That is why some Thais, and in particular my wife, have a difficult time readjusting. Being placed back into the Thai “box”, after having developed a taste for a more Western style of communication, can be quite distressing.

She finds it extremely difficult to find other Thai women who are interested in, or indeed capable, of interacting on a level that she now considers necessary for a close interpersonal relationship. One is not lonely here in a classic sense, as one is always surrounded by others. There is a nonstop flow of food and conversation that belies the overwhelming constraints imposed by the local culture. Not feeling free to express yourself and having to wear a mask can leave one feeling quite lonely, however. On the surface things appear much more civil than they sometimes do in the West, but much is repressed and there are limited outlets for what boils below the surface.

There is a temptation as a foreigner, to downplay or dismiss the importance of these social constraints. We naively urge the Thais in our lives to disregard or pay no attention to the pressures they feel. Even when transplanted to another culture, however, it can be very difficult, and sometimes impossible, for a Thai to disregard these deeply internalized restrictions.

It appears to me, that one can make the argument that it is not Thai Culture, per say, that we find so enticing as foreigners. It is the unique freedom we are granted within this society, to be free of and unfettered by what it means to be Thai. We are free to do, say and act in ways that are not possible for Thais. We hold a unique place in Thai society. At once both reviled and revered. We are granted an elevated status, while at the same time, much less is expected of us. We are forgiven our indiscretions and bestowed with an image of wealth, status and sophistication that is often in error and unrelated to the facts. We are allowed, and sometimes even induced, to a deluded vision of ourselves. An elevated sense of superiority and self-worth, is not uncommon among the expat community."

[Stevemercer]

I think 'villageferang' is exactly right. We are lucky as ferangs because we occupy a privileged position outside Thai culture. We can do many things, that would not be acceptable for a Thai person, and get away with it. My wife has also been westernised and yearns for the 'freedom' of Australia. By this I mean she is free from the constraints of family, peer pressure and village gossip. She can dress how she wants, say what she wants and do what she wants. She does not have this freedom in Thailand. By contrast, we ferangs have this freedom. Thai people expect us to behave strangely. We can dress oddly, flirt with woman, mix with both low-so and hi-so people, mangle the language and still get away with it.

As a small example, I publicly kissed a lady on the cheek as a farewell last night. This was the first time I met her and I did it because she was so pretty, charming and happy. She just laughed and gave me her other cheek to kiss. A man later said to my wife that he had worked with this lady for the last 12 years and had always wanted to kiss her like that. But it was impossible in Thai culture.

[SantiSuk]

There's villages and villages. Some are miles form anywhere, some are easy to escape form to a local town or village if things get claustrophobic.

There's families and families too. Some are damaged and demanding, some are easy going and supportive.

Of course it's worth giving it time to check all this out before you commit. Bar stool wallahs seem to think we all just plonk ourselves down in the middle of nowhere with no forethought or planning based on a pretty face and a good **** - probably that's because that's what they do in the resort-driven falang places?

[fang37]

With all its "inefficiencies", village life & I are very compatible.

[GinBoy2]

In general, and I've said this before in the myriad of topics penned about this, in general those of us that survive best in Thailand, outside of the sexpat havens, or Bangkok, tend to be loners. We probably were OK living in backofbeyondland back in our home country, enjoyed our own company, and didn't crave for other peoples company.

Few people would see that as a problem at home, here people have a tendency to rush to a conclusion that everyone is miserable and on the verge of slashing their wrists.

Now I am far fro suggesting that everyone who ends up living in 'the village' is deliriously happy, but for quite a lot of us that isolation is actually what we crave.

[soihok]

We need a thread " pleasures of living in an Isaan village ".

[villagefarang]

Then again, some of us are flexible enough to live in different places at different times in our lives. I did 30+ in Bangkok and now 8+ in a small village 55 km outside of Chiang Rai. Bangkok afforded me a great life while there and now I have a great life here in the village. I find it hard to understand people who are unable to adjust to different environments.

[GinBoy2]

Then again, some of us are flexible enough to live in different places at different times in our lives. I did 30+ in Bangkok and now 8+ in a small village 55 km outside of Chiang Rai. Bangkok afforded me a great life while there and now I have a great life here in the village. I find it hard to understand people who are unable to adjust to different environments.

I think thats a really good point. I grew up in a podunk town in central California, then lived in many cities, large and small but I was still a loner, never really needing other people.

Cites, towns, villages can be as social or solitary as 'you' want them to be. Here in Thailand we all live in a bubble.

Some of us chose to live in a Western bubble within our home, surrounded by Thai village life. Others chose a less Western bubble within their home to allow them to live inside a more western city environment, plus every variation in-between.

The problem that often happens within these threads, that happen OOOOOOH so often, is that their isn't a single right or wrong answer. We're humans, all different, and many of us change or decide we need different things at different points in our lives.

I could deride the guys that decide they 'need' the Pattaya life, but hey if if works for them, good. The isolation within my village Western bubble works for me.

[lostinisaan]

I think anyone contemplating a move to an Issan village should do their best to minimise the up front financial investment until they know for certian that they will want to live there for a long time. It is nigh on impossible to sell a big house built in some remote villiage and you would be lucky to get half your investment back out of it. Try moving to a nearby large town and rent a house for a year, go spend weekends with the family and see how it goes. This is also your chance to meet some of the local expats, some of whom you will need to steer clear of but some may become good mates over time. If that first year goes well then look to stay in the village for a longer period of time, maybe there is extra room in the family home or maybe there is an empty house in the village you can rent. Heck, let it be known you will pay 5,000 or 10,000 baht a month and people will move out of their house to let you rent it at that price. Try that for 6 months and then if things are still going well look at getting some land to build a place for yourself. If you want to live frugally in the future try to keep your house as small and as simple as you can so that people won't think you are made of money. Using local labour is a good idea to inject some cash into the comunity but be sure your build is very simple as they won't know how to do western style kitchens or things like that.

Even if you have the means to build a big mansion I think it is better not to do so. Build a simple house with lots of useable outdoor areas and you can make a very comfortable house for very little money. There is no one to impress in the village and you likely won't be entertaining unless you count the inlaws. If you are someone who likes to have freinds around and socialise regularly the village may not be the place for you. While there is the odd guy who learns the language well and who integrates well with the villagers that is the exception rater than the norm. Unless by integration you mean getting pissed with the local drunks every day over a bottle of Laokao, I do see some guys who "integrate" well in this fashion. If you can get by doing your own thing, can resist the lure of excessive drinking and have some western friends that are not too far away, then you stand a much better chance of success.

Another way to make your time in the village more enjoyable is to get out of the villiage regularly. Take some of the money you save by living in the village and travel. Spending some of the hot season at the beach or in some mountain resort can make that time of year a bit easier to take. For me I can take the village but it isn't really where I would choose to be if I didn't have our farm to manage and if we didn't have family commitments there. A number of guys who I talk to who live in villages say that it is "ok" and perhaps better than some terrible place where they lived before but that doesn't really sound like a ringing endorsement to me. While I feel living in the village is the best choise for me, wife and step-son for the time being I have to admit it is not the ideal situation for me and there are days when I am about ready to start packing and leave for good.

Is living in a village doable? Yes, I think so for many people but the real question is, is living in a village the best lifestyle for you and your spouse?

Thanks for the great post. I used to live in my wife's village for about one year, before we settled down in the provincial city. Now we go and visit our relatives almost every weekend, or at least twice a month.

Then we bring food, some stuff they can't get, or can't afford and we're respected members of the village society. When i read some members' posts, it's obvious that they didn't understand that they're only seen as walking ATM's.

I woke up at six every day, went to the rice fields and lived the same life. Coming home at 6 pm, a shower, dinner, then some simple food and Lao Khao Nit oi. And I loved this life.........the only problem at this time was that I couldn't have a conversation with anybody.

My mom and dad in law never asked me for money and they're too proud to beg for something, even considering their ( for us) poor standard of living. No hot water showers, no computer, only their daily soap operas seems to be okay for them.

Mom feeds silk worms, then produces silk and makes nice shirts and jackets.The procedure is nice and I'm only laughing about guys in Pattaya who pay 20 baht to make a photo of some bugs. I also enjoy eating silk worms after they've done their job. Sepp Elee.

But now living in the city for 14 + years, I couldn't live in the village anymore. I've met many foreigners, who built a huge wall around their property and don't want anything to do with the others.

That's really insane. Even when I'd have a financial problem, my Thai family would help me out. I believe it's all about how you are and who you are.

Grandma just recently passed and it's normal that I pick up the monks and be part of all ceremonies.

Nobody points fingers at me, saying: "look the farlang.." Treat people the way you want to be treated and you'll be fine.

If the local school needs some advice regarding teaching, I'm there for them. If somebody has a problem with a computer, they ask me if I can help them.

But I know that I could go to any house and have some food with them and a nice chat.

[fang37]

A few observations.

Building a mansion. Yes, virtually unsaleable. If you do get an offer, 50% of construction cost seems about right. For me, it is my wife's home (of course). I will be burnt within 10 years?

Living here has been a real challenge.

Mostly, language. I did speak elementary Thai is CNX. Here the speed of their speech is far too much for me.

The number of farangs here - few.

I may even be tending towards co-dependency.

Living in Isaan without living in CNX, Patts or BKK before - a real culture shock!

BIG PICTURE:

To me, this is the real Thailand (although changing rapidly). People value each other. Families are paramount.

Modern conveniences - few. Yes, Lotus & Makro but delis, bakeries etc are non-existent.

The locals are very nationalistic - love their King. The local have no real desire to travel.

[MobileContent]

All my Thai neighbors hate me because I yell at them in Thai when having to clean up their dogs' mess after their dogs leave such mess in front of our gate where I have to either clean it up or step in it when opening/closing our gate while they stand there watching me clean it up.

Suits me just fine.

Pity they don't pick up their own kee maa with plastic bags like they do in civilisation. Go knows everywhere you look there are plastic bags lying around, no shortage

I see a bigger problem with all that buffalo and cow shit plastered throughout the villages.

[eliotness]

We've got a mushroom farm a couple of hundred metres up the road. Wasn't there when we built the house 10 years ago, only built the "tents" last year, but every day there is a plague of flies. The only "good" thing is the people who own the mushroom farm are just down the road and they are plagued by the damn things too.

[Dakling]

We've got a mushroom farm a couple of hundred metres up the road. Wasn't there when we built the house 10 years ago, only built the "tents" last year, but every day there is a plague of flies. The only "good" thing is the people who own the mushroom farm are just down the road and they are plagued by the damn things too.

Never had the mushroom problem like you, but we often have issues like this with our neighbors. Usually it is something like a temporary frog farm that stinks to high heavens. Often it is constant loud music or burning garbage or whatever. Most times they just don't think about the impact on others.

[eliotness]

We've got a mushroom farm a couple of hundred metres up the road. Wasn't there when we built the house 10 years ago, only built the "tents" last year, but every day there is a plague of flies. The only "good" thing is the people who own the mushroom farm are just down the road and they are plagued by the damn things too.

Never had the mushroom problem like you, but we often have issues like this with our neighbors. Usually it is something like a temporary frog farm that stinks to high heavens. Often it is constant loud music or burning garbage or whatever. Most times they just don't think about the impact on others.

Trouble is Thais love mushrooms and they fetch a good price now. Went to the farm today and they're building yet another tent, so if anything it's going to get worse.

[MaeJoMTB]

Mostly, language. I did speak elementary Thai is CNX. Here the speed of their speech is far too much for me.

Village Lanna is a different language to CM Lanna.

[eliotness]

Mostly, language. I did speak elementary Thai is CNX. Here the speed of their speech is far too much for me.

Village Lanna is a different language to CM Lanna.

Got a similar problem in Isaan. My wife's family and most of the village speak a form of Lao. The next village speak Cambodian. I'm trying to learn to speak Thai so most language books for Thai don't really help locally. I also find everyone speaks so quickly with so many grunts, makes it very hard to follow, but hey I suppose it's the same problem for people going to England to learn English and being faced with the regional accents.

[MaeJoMTB]

Mostly, language. I did speak elementary Thai is CNX. Here the speed of their speech is far too much for me.

Village Lanna is a different language to CM Lanna.

Got a similar problem in Isaan. My wife's family and most of the village speak a form of Lao. The next village speak Cambodian. I'm trying to learn to speak Thai so most language books for Thai don't really help locally. I also find everyone speaks so quickly with so many grunts, makes it very hard to follow, but hey I suppose it's the same problem for people going to England to learn English and being faced with the regional accents.

No, the words are different.

It's like a foreigner who learned English speaking to a Scot who talks in Gaelic.

English/Gaelic

How are you = Kimma Ha oo

I'm fine thankyou = goo ma

[jpb1963]

I've not lived in the village yet, only stayed at the in-laws, usually 3 weeks at a time. Everyone has always been very friendly and welcoming.

But last time I was there I made a stupid mistake. I hadn't rented a car and wasn't happy riding the Honda wave... in town I saw some bigger bikes at the yamaha dealer... i had a moment of weakness and I bought a Yamaha R3. The missus said it wouldn't be a problem. But riding in to the village on that was like driving in in a Ferrari... Everyone came to investigate and first question was how much? 185,000 baht is a lot for such a flamboyantly selfish machine. People's attitudes changed towards me. Not only in the village, but everywhere.

I will be going to live there soon and not sure how it will be.

My wife doesn't normally want expensive clothes or to show off, but she seems proud to ride around on this as a show of status...

I think it would be a good idea to sell it but not so easy

this is interesting having been with my GF for 9 months now and travelling back and forth to her village out of Roi Et, i have just purchased a Diavel and i said that i wanted to ride it up for new years instead of using the ute and GF was quite ansy about not taking it up their…. I had been wondering about this aspect as in the village so far i have been welcomed everywhere but maybe this would change things...

what to do??

[djayz]

Just this week it has become clear to me that a lot of what you wrote has also happened to me. The villagers are gossiping because I drive a 125cc bike, haven't built a new house or bought a new car in my wife's name (even though we've done up her existing house nicely and she already has a 3 year old car). The gossip has gotten to the parents-in-law who in turn are putting pressure on her. Unfortunately this has put an enormous strain on our relationship to the point that I'm thinking of leaving. I was (we were) very content here up until a week ago. She's now actually sick from all of the stress. I like doing DIY around the house and some gardening. I've turned the place from being a dump into a nice, clean, well cared for home fit for any farang to live in. I understand that they're uneducated and inexperienced, but I'm gutted that we're being ridiculed for being clean, diligent, caring and financially careful. I can't understand why the villagers don't spend their time doing something more useful and personally rewarding than simply sitting around all day gossiping. I've never been able to deal with or understand this kind of mentality...

[djayz]

double post..reloaded

aloha. hurticanes bearing down on us in Hawaii..gotta control my thoughts

methinks

time for your medication

It's not medication he needs...

[thaiduncankk]

Just this week it has become clear to me that a lot of what you wrote has also happened to me. The villagers are gossiping because I drive a 125cc bike, haven't built a new house or bought a new car in my wife's name (even though we've done up her existing house nicely and she already has a 3 year old car). The gossip has gotten to the parents-in-law who in turn are putting pressure on her. Unfortunately this has put an enormous strain on our relationship to the point that I'm thinking of leaving. I was (we were) very content here up until a week ago. She's now actually sick from all of the stress. I like doing DIY around the house and some gardening. I've turned the place from being a dump into a nice, clean, well cared for home fit for any farang to live in. I understand that they're uneducated and inexperienced, but I'm gutted that we're being ridiculed for being clean, diligent, caring and financially careful. I can't understand why the villagers don't spend their time doing something more useful and personally rewarding than simply sitting around all day gossiping. I've never been able to deal with or understand this kind of mentality...

A- They have nothing better to do.

B- They don't want anything better to do.

However clean, diligent and caring you are means nothing to them, they want to see money spent on things beneficial to them. Other farangs have bought new houses and cars in nearby villages, so they want to know 'why not you'?

I am on your side, when you said you were thinking of leaving, not a bad idea.

[eliotness]

Mostly, language. I did speak elementary Thai is CNX. Here the speed of their speech is far too much for me.

Village Lanna is a different language to CM Lanna.

Got a similar problem in Isaan. My wife's family and most of the village speak a form of Lao. The next village speak Cambodian. I'm trying to learn to speak Thai so most language books for Thai don't really help locally. I also find everyone speaks so quickly with so many grunts, makes it very hard to follow, but hey I suppose it's the same problem for people going to England to learn English and being faced with the regional accents.

No, the words are different.

It's like a foreigner who learned English speaking to a Scot who talks in Gaelic.

English/Gaelic

How are you = Kimma Ha oo

I'm fine thankyou = goo ma

I take your point, but everyone seems to have Thai, but use either Lao or Cambodian, so I guess England was a poor analogy, probably Belgium or Switzerland might be better comparisons, but then not really the same. Anyway whatever ! it makes learning the language a bit more difficult.

[Kenny202]

Just this week it has become clear to me that a lot of what you wrote has also happened to me. The villagers are gossiping because I drive a 125cc bike, haven't built a new house or bought a new car in my wife's name (even though we've done up her existing house nicely and she already has a 3 year old car). The gossip has gotten to the parents-in-law who in turn are putting pressure on her. Unfortunately this has put an enormous strain on our relationship to the point that I'm thinking of leaving. I was (we were) very content here up until a week ago. She's now actually sick from all of the stress. I like doing DIY around the house and some gardening. I've turned the place from being a dump into a nice, clean, well cared for home fit for any farang to live in. I understand that they're uneducated and inexperienced, but I'm gutted that we're being ridiculed for being clean, diligent, caring and financially careful. I can't understand why the villagers don't spend their time doing something more useful and personally rewarding than simply sitting around all day gossiping. I've never been able to deal with or understand this kind of mentality...

I've had the same experience and in the same situation re doing up her home. Had all the same gossip and rubbish. Bought a new 4wd pick up and Click motorbike (cash) and spent about 15k US on her home. I also love DIY and creating or building things to enhance our living. The house is lovely and comfortable. Why would i build things and work in the home if i had money? Fist the Goss was I didn't have any money. I was kie neow and kie nok. This from one person lives in something similar to a cave (a very dirty unhygienic cave). I'm here at 52 yo with a modest amount of money for the future so we live well but I don't throw it around. We were inundated with beggars sell I ng this and tgat when we first arrived who seemed to think it was a given we would buy whatever they had. My wife couldn't even go to the temple as all the monk could talk about was telling my missus to encourage me to donate money for their new building. It does jade and sicken you. We help out where we can. I mostly try to help the poorer kids where I can. This seems to irritate the older people who believe if there is money being dished out why waste it on kids? Anyway, in time and a don't give a rats attitude the gossip subsides, or maybe just alters. Truth is they can't work us out. Now it's "how can we live everyday? We don't go to work?". It never bothered me. We have many good friends here too. People who work hard, don't just sit and booze up everyday and take care of their families. They would be too proud to ask for a handout. It does get to my missus though although even she has learnt to see things for what they are now.

[Dakling]

Just this week it has become clear to me that a lot of what you wrote has also happened to me. The villagers are gossiping because I drive a 125cc bike, haven't built a new house or bought a new car in my wife's name (even though we've done up her existing house nicely and she already has a 3 year old car). The gossip has gotten to the parents-in-law who in turn are putting pressure on her. Unfortunately this has put an enormous strain on our relationship to the point that I'm thinking of leaving. I was (we were) very content here up until a week ago. She's now actually sick from all of the stress. I like doing DIY around the house and some gardening. I've turned the place from being a dump into a nice, clean, well cared for home fit for any farang to live in. I understand that they're uneducated and inexperienced, but I'm gutted that we're being ridiculed for being clean, diligent, caring and financially careful. I can't understand why the villagers don't spend their time doing something more useful and personally rewarding than simply sitting around all day gossiping. I've never been able to deal with or understand this kind of mentality...

Sorry to hear things aren't working out so well for you. I think you have been very smart in how you are doing everything and I wouldn't change a thing in your behavior. There is hope that if the in-laws are good people they will see over time that your wife is happy and well looked after and they will stop putting the screws to her over money. It took a couple of years before my in-laws fully accepted me and trusted me to look after my wife's long term future. The first couple of years they were sure we wouldn't last so they put pressure to get everything out of me they could before I buggered off. I am not saying that this is exactly the same situation you are facing but if you hang in there things may get better over time. At some point it might be better to cut your losses and move on though, if pressure continues to mount on your wife to the point it is ruining your relationship I would move or at least go on an extended holiday somewhere.

It is odd how different villages react to us, my village loves to see me out gardening and doing projects around the house. Often there will be 2 or 3 old ladies sitting back watching me utterly amazed that I can fix stuff with my own two hands.

[stereolab]

Just this week it has become clear to me that a lot of what you wrote has also happened to me. The villagers are gossiping because I drive a 125cc bike, haven't built a new house or bought a new car in my wife's name (even though we've done up her existing house nicely and she already has a 3 year old car). The gossip has gotten to the parents-in-law who in turn are putting pressure on her. Unfortunately this has put an enormous strain on our relationship to the point that I'm thinking of leaving. I was (we were) very content here up until a week ago. She's now actually sick from all of the stress. I like doing DIY around the house and some gardening. I've turned the place from being a dump into a nice, clean, well cared for home fit for any farang to live in. I understand that they're uneducated and inexperienced, but I'm gutted that we're being ridiculed for being clean, diligent, caring and financially careful. I can't understand why the villagers don't spend their time doing something more useful and personally rewarding than simply sitting around all day gossiping. I've never been able to deal with or understand this kind of mentality...

Sorry to hear things aren't working out so well for you. I think you have been very smart in how you are doing everything and I wouldn't change a thing in your behavior. There is hope that if the in-laws are good people they will see over time that your wife is happy and well looked after and they will stop putting the screws to her over money. It took a couple of years before my in-laws fully accepted me and trusted me to look after my wife's long term future. The first couple of years they were sure we wouldn't last so they put pressure to get everything out of me they could before I buggered off. I am not saying that this is exactly the same situation you are facing but if you hang in there things may get better over time. At some point it might be better to cut your losses and move on though, if pressure continues to mount on your wife to the point it is ruining your relationship I would move or at least go on an extended holiday somewhere.

It is odd how different villages react to us, my village loves to see me out gardening and doing projects around the house. Often there will be 2 or 3 old ladies sitting back watching me utterly amazed that I can fix stuff with my own two hands.

ss

Like you, I have over the last 4 years turned a veritable pigsty into a smart and clean garden, and converted a field by our house into a beautiful looking area c/w plants and flowers. I get a very mixed reaction from locals, a lot think it is the best thing since sliced bread and are amazed that a Farang could do this work. Others are literally laughing in my face at my efforts , the ones who do not know what a rubbish bin is for, the ones who say I should pay the Tessaban (sp) to do it for me. I will continue to try and improve my gardens and fields as it gives me a purpose in life, I neither drink nor smoke.

One thing that seems to evade locals is that many Farang have pensions and/or rental income to support themselves and that we do not need to work to survive. Essentially Thais are living a Groundhog Day type of survival, and they appear to accept their lot in life. Up to them.

[Arwon]

Good tall fences make good neighbours?

Sent from my GT-I9195 using Tapatalk

[Kenny202]

Wow, seems like a lot of us have this in common, I'd guess the people out smiling and laughing while you are working are probably deriding you. Doesn't worry me one iota. They are ignorant. The theory being you farang. You obviously a poor man not have big money or you'd pay someone else to do the work. A Thai man wouldn't lower himself to do menial tasks he could afford to pay someone do. For them the height of luxury and their life goal isn't having a lovely garden and comfortable modest home. It is sitting swilling rice whisky laying in a hammock sleeping or watching soapies and never having to work. And while I hate to be negative (although I am in just the mood today) your in laws wont suddenly turn around and appreciate the life and future you have provided their daughter. They will be telling her to Pss you off and find a farang with a more open wallet. It is all about them. They wont be thinking about you or her. I have seen so many blokes come over here or take girls back to Australia. They do all the right things the wife requests.....builds home for the inlaws and other family spongers....provide a car, bikes, modest income.....non repaid loan requests that never stop. Paid at least 500k THB for ridiculous show off weddings and another 500k THB gold. The more you give them the easier they think it is to get in the future so any money you give them will be gambled or drunk away faster and faster and hand out for more. All the while they will see you as an idiot with too much money. Why not share it with them? You farang....endless supply of money fall from sky for you. Not same Thai person never lucky. So that makes it ok to steal and cheat foreigners. A trip to the temple will sort any wrongdoings out.

I know of at least three guys who have been down this road. Good hearted blokes. Never doubted their wives or new family for a minute. Put it all down to a different culture....although the whole time something was nagging at them that this isn't right?

In all cases all the wife ever did was bad mouth the husband behind his back. In all cases the wife was sending money to the inlaws behind the husbands back.

What amazes me with these people is their gimme gimme attitude. I like to turn around and say what have you or are you going to give me. Because that is Thai culture. Blank open mouth stare.

One of my friends here now, living overseas with a Thai girl....(she was a school teacher here)....Does all of the above. The mum and dad in the moo ban openly get around telling everyone the husband is no good. They are telling her all the time just stay in his country long enough to get residency and then I assume benefits and the rights to fleece him in his own country. Find a new man with more money when the time is right. She had the sense to legally marry him in his country but opted for a non registered show marriage in Thailand. So she rapes him for everything he has in his home country and doesn't have to share any of the home etc he has paid for in Thailand should they split up. It sickens me. Thais seem to think they have the right to commit fraud with foreigners. The phrase "attitude of entitlement" sums it up for me. They're even having a baby now. Apparently the in laws don't care whether the kid grows up without a father or the girl is left without a husband. Someone in the village will take care of the "Leuk Krung" (50% farang) baby because farang baby lucky....for a fee of course. She's pressured him into building a house here even though they wont be coming to live for at least another 20 years. Bought the land 1 rai for 400kTHB. I know for a fact the real price was 180k. House will be built with the old man supervising everything of course. My friend will pay 2 or 3 times what it actually costs. Even building the house hasn't brought him any merit. She wanted a big 5 bedroom farang palace where he's opted for a more modest 3 bedroom. Tight a$$. Poor buggers a nice bloke too.

I've had my share of dramas with my girl but I haven't invested a lot here nor did I go the way of supporting parents, building homes etc and so glad I didn't. I doubt I would be any less or more respected had I done so. Should the sh#t hit the fan I can walk away with a clear conscience. Don't feel special being farang though fellars. Same thing happens here to Thai blokes have a bit of money...teachers, government workers etc. Greedy inlaws aren't fussy who's handing over the cash.

[BookMan]

One of my friends here now, living overseas with a Thai girl....(she was a school teacher here)....Does all of the above. The mum and dad in the moo ban openly get around telling everyone the husband is no good. They are telling her all the time just stay in his country long enough to get residency and then I assume benefits and the rights to fleece him in his own country. Find a new man with more money when the time is right. She had the sense to legally marry him in his country but opted for a non registered show marriage in Thailand. So she rapes him for everything he has in his home country and doesn't have to share any of the home etc he has paid for in Thailand should they split up. It sickens me. Thais seem to think they have the right to commit fraud with foreigners. The phrase "attitude of entitlement" sums it up for me. They're even having a baby now. Apparently the in laws don't care whether the kid grows up without a father or the girl is left without a husband. Someone in the village will take care of the "Leuk Krung" (50% farang) baby because farang baby lucky....for a fee of course. She's pressured him into building a house here even though they wont be coming to live for at least another 20 years. Bought the land 1 rai for 400kTHB. I know for a fact the real price was 180k. House will be built with the old man supervising everything of course. My friend will pay 2 or 3 times what it actually costs. Even building the house hasn't brought him any merit. She wanted a big 5 bedroom farang palace where he's opted for a more modest 3 bedroom. Tight <deleted>. Poor buggers a nice bloke too.

Where does the due diligence and responsibility of the man to protect his assets and himself begin?

[Kenny202]

Of course your right. Yes he should be more careful...He should smell a rat. He's not a total dummy either. He's a poor good hearted bloke who believes he's married a woman he loves...and i guess in turn assumes she loves him and blindly assumes all will be ok. Love will conquer all. No wonder there are so many jaded angry old bstds like me here :-(