Thais Telling You You're Fat

[dgoz]

I dont think they only poke fun at fatness.

My gf works in a bank and I unknowingly turned up for lunch with her a few days in a row wearing black shirts. The other girls in the bank took the piss out of my wardrobe saying that I don't know of any other colours and that I only have 1 shirt!

I think they are just trying to be funny and friendly and that is their sense of humour, but as I said previously, political correctness has gone to such ridiculous lengths in the west that we have actually started to believe the BS and it's made us quite precious. No-one can take any sort of joke about themself, even if it's in jest.

I know it's a bit off topic but to prove my point, The Australian Cricket Board just had a lengthy meeting and discussion on whether it's OK for Oz crowds to call the visiting English team Poms! After these very important meetings they emerged to say we can call them Poms but we can't add anything to it, such as Whinging Poms or Pommy b******ds. What a joke.

So don't take it too personally girls, they're only joking with you and trying to be friendly. We'd hate to see you Farang girls getting a solemn attitude over this. I mean, more so.

[kat]

I do agree that political correctness can go off the deep end. But, I think that is a reflection of change, growth, and inclusiveness in a pluralistic society. There is a cost and benefit to everything, and quite frankly, I think the costs to living in an inclusive society are worth it.

[sylvafern]

It doesn't really worry me too much anymore when I'm told I'm 'fat' anymore as I've heard it so many times now - e.g. when my 'inlaws' haven't seen me for awhile they always comment on how I'm bigger than last time even if I think I'm smaller!. But that's when I'm being told face to face and by someone I know. It still really gets me even after 8 years when shop assistants tell me, and how they automatically assume you need the biggest size and if it doesn't fit you must need an even bigger size rather than smaller. The thing that I absolutely hate the most though is when shop assistants are discussing my weight and body size right in front of me assuming I can't understand them. I always turn to them and ask them why they are speaking so impolitely which usually results in profuse 'kor thort ka's'. In this situation I think it is good to let them know you understand and if they're going to gossip, at least wait until your out of earshot!

[Unknown]

Not that I should have to defend myself, but I'm definitely *not* fat, thought don't have a waifish figure either, but I've been told by many people here that I'm fat, and though none of them have been trying to be malicious, it annoys me. I've tried explaining that in my culture calling someone fat is the same as calling someone ugly, but so far I've just been told "Try to understand Thai culture".

You did not say whether it was girls telling you that or boys.

Boys will probably never say something like that, so I would guess it is girls.

And girls mean you're cute, in some ways...

[ajarnmark]

Frankly, I am apalled at the emphasis so many men seem to place on a woman's appearance, as if the person she is inside doesn't matter if the person she is on the outside is fat.

In Thailand fat chicks are out.

In the US, fat men are out

.... and are more than welcome in Thailand if their wallets are also fat .....

[jumbo]

I usually reply with;

yep, but I could go to exercise and lose the kilo's

but you....you are stuck witht that face forever......

J

[Uthen]

Yes, well, let me change that to "apalled but not surprised".

And frankly Vespa, you'd be surprised. Where I live plenty of the Thai women are bigger, and amazingly enough, they all manage to attract husbands and have families and normal lives.

I do agree, I got a Thai friend, she's 85 kilos and about 5 ft tall. She changes her bfs so often that I can't even remember their names.

[Sheryl]

I think there are 3 different things here.

one is that it is a custom in Thailand whenever seeing someone after a period of time, to comment on their weight. It is very annoying and tiresome to us farangs but evidentally a friendliness for Thais. They are very often wrong,too...they'll say you are thinner when you've gained, say you've gained when you lost (ouch!!) and never, ever acknowledge

that maybe you are exactly the same, even though that's usually the case. Anyhow -- what can you do. It's the custom and nothing other than friendliness meant by it however annoying it may strike us.

A different matter is the way Thais treat people who are overwieght, Thai or foreign. Apparently it is considered appropriate to repeatedly point out to the person that they are overweight (as if they might not know it!) in a critical manner. They do this to each other at least as often as to a westerner, probably more. I've noticed that Thais on the receiving end of this don't seem to like it one bit and certainly aren't "helped" to lose weight by it, but still the custom prevails. Chalk it up to one of the less likable cultural traits. On the plus side, if a Thai says this to you, it suggests they think of you as a friend because they'd not be likely to say it to a foreigner they were not on friendly terms with.

The last thing is the way some Thais talk about foreigners in front of them, usually in Thai on the assumption that the person being talked about cannot understand...although it sometimes persists even after they've heard you speak Thai. In my experience only some Thais do this and it is more common among less educated/sophisticated people and those who do not have frequent contact with foreigners. It is very offensive, of course, but I think it helps to remember that foreigners in any culture face this sort of thing or similiar insensitivity from time to time; certainly Asians in the west get their share. All in all a foreigner's lot in Thailand is more comfortable and the treatment nicer than elsewhere. I kind of equate this with the flatly refusing to listen what you are saying on the assumption that it can't possibly be in Thai (my local gas station is staffed entirely by such people and 10 years of going there speaking Thai has barely made a dent....but then these are not the brainest folk on earth working there....)

[Unknown]

What should you reply?

So what?

Edited October 3, 2006 by Unknown

[bina]

maybe i'm wierd, but at the age of 44, i dont really care if poeple think i'm fat, thin, grey hair or whatever. my thing is, is if you dont like me the way i am, than go away...

i do admit that americans do seem to be larger nowadays (the girls i see are humongous, breast, buttocks, bodies, etc), but then, my three kids are giants compared to me... and the younger thai especially those of the upper classes are larger than their parents, just like in any society where nutrition changes, vitamins (hormones in the food maybe?)are more available than in the past... wierdly enough,there was a similar discussion about cow size in the farming issaan forum about thai cows, size, weight, nutrition etc...

my daughter used to get upset when the thai workers would call her 'pompoiy', but they used the term only to those that they felt comfortable with as they also called all the chubby rosy cheeked babies that also, and when they saw a thin baby, they would sort of cluck their tongues and say 'pom' (thin) as if the mother was starving the baby... i think also that in a way, 'fat' means 'well fed', 'rich' etc so its a bit of a sort of compliment also ...

adn as for people talking about you while u are there, when they do that to me i join the conversation... it certainly gives them a start when they notice that u dont just understand but can give what u get )

if anyone noticed in the issaan morlum acts, fat, thin, pimply, etc are always represented... these are human traits... people according to budhist theory, are born, get old, get sick (decrepit) and die... so in general, in spiteof their national obsession of being white, i find the thai more accepting (though making fun of or laughing about and with) physical irregularities/real bodies... that they can make fun of it all and not hide/twist/operate to disguise it, means that we are all human, we all drool, etc... i think that indeed, americans have become sterile and try to gloss over and be 'politically correct' to the point where if someone does notice something about us it upsets us ( he said i was fat)... next time notice that the person saying you are fat has a pimple on his nose (lots of thai acne for instance)...i had little old ladies in stitches after they finished prodding my breasts etc by imitating them putting on a pasin (skirt tube thingy) and pulling their elongated breasts out fo the way etc...

late nite rambling

good nite ladies

bina

[sbk]

What should you reply?

So what?

"Kop khun ka" has always worked for me

Although if it gets personal--one Thai woman I know used to like to make comments about certain physical attributes of mine in a most personal way, not like the "oh you're fat" comments at all --then I finally said something along the lines of "Oh my husband prefers me that way, he likes a woman built like a woman, not a little boy."

Shut her up immediately.

[RamdomChances]

"Oh my husband prefers me that way, he likes a woman built like a woman, not a little boy."

I'd have to agree, 40kg stick insects just dont do it for me, women should have curves

[LaoPo]

... i think also that in a way, 'fat' means 'well fed', 'rich' etc so its a bit of a sort of compliment also ...

... so in general, in spite of their national obsession of being white,

bina

Being a man, I think you're right here Bina. You Ladies shouldn't worry too much about the Thai calling you 'fat'.

In a way they don't mean to be rude, it's just a matter of 'fact' they are expressing and in some way they're kind of jealous of how westerners are built...larger, stronger, taller.

It's a fact that westerners in general are built larger and taller than people from the Far East and we can't do anything about it; as much as the Thai (and Far East) can't change themselves the way they are built either.

As for being 'white' or trying to become white®; yes, its an obsession for many women in the Far East.

The big cosmetic companies are working very hard to promote that stupid idea also with their numerous products to become more white.

Many years ago Thai girls and women used to touch my ex-wife's arms -she had a very smooth and soft skin- and said...." Oh...I lub to heb same same white skin as you Madam"

It shows that it was and still is a BIG issue for Thai and Far Eastern women to 'show' themselves as white as possible.

In western countries I have NEVER seen women wearing umbrellas for sun-protection......in the Far East it's normal.

LaoPo

[somchai jones]

A frivolous observation perhaps, but possibly connected with the fat/thin theme.

My wife is average height for an Asian woman, slim (size 8).

Her sister is the same height but has a much plumper figure (size 10-12?) and a wonderful pair of breasts.

They are both beautiful.

[sbk]

somchai, do you want to rephrase that last sentence? Might lead one to think you are discussing the pair of breasts and not your wife and her sister

[vegas]

I told that I was rude (by Thais) when I advised a 37kg girl in my office that she should eat something.

[somchai jones]

somchai, do you want to rephrase that last sentence? Might lead one to think you are discussing the pair of breasts and not your wife and her sister

[somchai jones]

I do agree that political correctness can go off the deep end. But, I think that is a reflection of change, growth, and inclusiveness in a pluralistic society. There is a cost and benefit to everything, and quite frankly, I think the costs to living in an inclusive society are worth it.

Agree with you up to a point Kat.

Who could now watch a standard UK 1970s sitcom for example and not shudder at the thought that the overtly racist terms/attitudes portrayed there were standard fare at that (fairly recent) time?However, we seem to have developed a situation recently whereby over exhuberant councillors (again using the UK as an example here) have in essence by their sometimes ridiculous actions fanned the flames of the very racism that they are trying to surpress.

Sorry if I'm going slightly off thread here but always interesting when Kat joins the debate.

[gisele]

I do agree that political correctness can go off the deep end. But, I think that is a reflection of change, growth, and inclusiveness in a pluralistic society. There is a cost and benefit to everything, and quite frankly, I think the costs to living in an inclusive society are worth it.

Agree with you up to a point Kat.

Who could now watch a standard UK 1970s sitcom for example and not shudder at the thought that the overtly racist terms/attitudes portrayed there were standard fare at that (fairly recent) time?However, we seem to have developed a situation recently whereby over exhuberant councillors (again using the UK as an example here) have in essence by their sometimes ridiculous actions fanned the flames of the very racism that they are trying to surpress.

Sorry if I'm going slightly off thread here but always interesting when Kat joins the debate.

there's always somebody getting offended at something now.

(and always somebody profiting from it)

Even the Pope managed to stir up controversy.

we live in an age where everything is scrutinized, and (even out of context) we must find what can possibly be offensive, people love to be outraged.

Being outraged is a international pastime.

If it isn't broken let's break it.

No matter that there are enough problems in the world, we need to create problems.

Being outraged has fixed alot of problems that needed fixing.

We just need to be wise to know when we should be outraged and when not.

[bina]

random,

i am a '42 kg stick'.... ; i am the only woman i know on the kibbutz that is constantly trying to stay my weight or gain, i hate all the diet food that people are always preparing: low fat, no calorie whatever.... i like real food, carbohydrates, meat, rice, (hate bread actually).... i'm like a ferret, i have to eat all the time, am active but not a sports person, but would like to have some curves, as my daughter complains when she rests her head on my shoulder or lap, that its like sleeping on a skeleton )

i enjoyed being in thailand where everyone was close to my size and weight... found lots of clothes to fit, and my man is my size (even half centimeter shorter, but heavier than me) and nice deep chocolate brown -- the short stocky thai type, not the thin wiry type

oh, in israel also women laugh at me cause 'no breasts to speak of ..' for dancing 'bellydance' style dancing it looks much sexier if u are a 'full' size woman and not a 'stick' and can shake your booty and boobies

i always tell my daughter that she has a rembrant/renoir figure: full and feminine

[meadish_sweetball]

I told that I was rude (by Thais) when I advised a 37kg girl in my office that she should eat something.

Sometimes it is more about how you say it than what you actually say. Perhaps not in your case though - I wasn't there.

The reason I replied though, is because I have noticed that many Thais hold farang to different standards than themselves. Not only one Thai has told me foreigners should be more polite than Thais.

I don't like it, but I realize a lot of them think that way, so I try to stay sufficiently polite with strangers (my close friends have to suffer me trying out rude expressions now and then though; they're getting used to it, and I think I am starting to deliver them in a more acceptable style now, too...)

[cathyy]

When I get told I am fat I just laugh and agree; I *am* fat. It doesn't seem to be keeping Thai men from ogling me when I'm in town, though. I never noticed it until my husband pointed it out to me. But he was right, I do get stares -occasionally the open-jawed kind- by Thai men, and not just middle-aged ones either. It sort of creeps me out.

I have been told by a Thai lady that my very fair skin more than compensates for my overweight, as the whiteness of the skin is the primary beauty measure here. Couple that with almost waist-length wavy hair that has just enough brown mixed in with the white to look blonde and looking a good 10 to 15 years younger than my age and I guess I look good to Thais.

Oh, and in case anybody is keeping track, I am still steadily losing weight. I have lost half the total amount I need to lose. None of my pants fit right anymore. However, I think I am still too fat to wear a Thai size pant. I need to buy a sewing machine.

[RamdomChances]

random,

i am a '42 kg stick'.... ; i am the only woman i know on the kibbutz that is constantly trying to stay my weight or gain, i hate all the diet food that people are always preparing: low fat, no calorie whatever.... i like real food, carbohydrates, meat, rice, (hate bread actually).... i'm like a ferret, i have to eat all the time, am active but not a sports person, but would like to have some curves, as my daughter complains when she rests her head on my shoulder or lap, that its like sleeping on a skeleton smile.gif)

I'm much the same eating wise. I'm only about 60kg, but not really thin as I'm short . I have mates who come and visit who are twice the size of me and are gobsmacked at the ammount I eat

[Donz]

They say it to me all the time, but I am fat im over 80 kgs put on about 20 kgs over the last few years. It doesnt bother me as i have a high seld esteem, probaly too high at times.

[Ijustwannateach]

I have had to learn not to mind this too much in Asia (that's pretty much all the Asian countries, not just Thailand). Personal remarks about appearance are simply not as taboo as they are in the English-speaking world (or at least America). If it's just a casual comment delivered with a big smile, then I regard it simply as a conversational gambit like the weather- look at the attitude of the person making the remark, not the remark itself. If you find it to be friendly and open, just laugh or smile and change the topic, or even tease the one who makes the remark for being too skinny or something (sometimes they genuinely like heavy people and this is how they show it- I've learned to pick up on that, too).

There are people who step over the line and are rude or somehow obsessed with it. If you work or routinely associate with someone who constantly makes remarks on it, then it's over the line- don't respond on the topic, change the subject, don't smile or give any positive encouragement. If necessary, try to get the message to them through someone else that you're not pleased with the behavior.

"Steven"

[JaiDamJungLoei]

My Thai wife used to call me uon all the time (I need to loose 20 Kgs - I was down 10 when we got married, but now it's hard to find time to exercise 90 minutes a day - any less does no good). But now that she’s put on 15Kgs since moving to the US, she doesn’t call me uon any more. Now we’re both 46 & fat. All my in laws still tell me I’m fat, but I know they are correct, and that they only do it to my face because they like me. My mom does the same thing.

In Feb we spent a week in Cambodia, where most people can’t afford junk food, and a large percentage of the population walk or ride bicycles to get somewhere. When we returned to Thailand I immediately noticed that almost all the young Thai women were poom pooie.

Sorry, but I don’t notice men’s personal appearance as much as women’s. Not PC, but, what can I do.

Anyway, thinking about this I realized that the younger Thais have been putting on weight steadily in the 6 years I have been traveling to Thailand. I just didn’t notice until I was reminded what the Thais used to look like. Looks like too much greasy junk food and no exercise is doing to the Thais exactly what it has done to Americans. Give them 20 years & they’ll look just like us.

[Boo]

Not PC, but, what can I do.

[sbk]

I have had to learn not to mind this too much in Asia (that's pretty much all the Asian countries, not just Thailand). Personal remarks about appearance are simply not as taboo as they are in the English-speaking world (or at least America). If it's just a casual comment delivered with a big smile, then I regard it simply as a conversational gambit like the weather- look at the attitude of the person making the remark, not the remark itself. If you find it to be friendly and open, just laugh or smile and change the topic, or even tease the one who makes the remark for being too skinny or something (sometimes they genuinely like heavy people and this is how they show it- I've learned to pick up on that, too).

There are people who step over the line and are rude or somehow obsessed with it. If you work or routinely associate with someone who constantly makes remarks on it, then it's over the line- don't respond on the topic, change the subject, don't smile or give any positive encouragement. If necessary, try to get the message to them through someone else that you're not pleased with the behavior.

"Steven"

This is very true IJWT, which is where my "kop khun ka" comes in use. I don't hear the "you are fat" often but it does usually seem to be just a comment, not a judgement. I don't mind, I don't take it to heart, I know what I weigh and I know I am not a large person.

However, the comment I made to the Thai woman was in response to her stepping over the line and I have found that, as a woman dealing with another woman, ignoring it won't make it go away. The catty comment shut her up and she has never brought it up again. If she did, she would get more than a catty comment.

[somchai jones]

Thais very often comment on the size of my shoulders and biceps.

Bloody marvellous it is too!

Edited October 5, 2006 by somchai jones

[Heng]

Meaun mae - which is very rude - means like your mother.

Not rude at all as saying it like that just means 'like *the speaker's* own mother.' It's not rude unless you say.... meaun mae khun or meaun mae mung (the latter being the 'rude' form)... to make it 'like your mother.'