Thais Telling You You're Fat

[meadish_sweetball]

Unless, of course, you are speaking to your own mother who has just told you you are fat.

Very valid point though. Absence of pronoun in this case means your own mother.

[Heng]

Unless, of course, you are speaking to your own mother who has just told you you are fat.

Also a valid but perhaps somewhat less frequently applied lesson.

[fruittbatt]

Oddly enough no Thai has ever called me "uan", despite my 60 kg & broad shoulders.

"Sexy" & "young" have been applied to me - despite being in my 50's! I don't believe such gratituitous nonsense for one second! I take any such personal remarks as motivated by curiosity about cultural difference - and probably flattery.

I have also wondered whether "sexy" may be tinged with some disapproval for wearing sleeveless or close-fitting tops?

Whatever the motivation for such remarks, I try to find something appropriate and complimentary to say back or else just thank the person.

My husband gets "uan" and "lor": which makes me think that fat is not regarded with quite the same dread in Thailand as it is in the Western beauty myth.

[Galong]

Why can't they try to respect some of our cultures? We're guests in their country, but they're hosts. If I was hosting someone I wouldn't insult them.

Screw this kissing their buttz because their Thai... they're rude when they say things like this.

[fruittbatt]

Why can't they try to respect some of our cultures? We're guests in their country, but they're hosts. If I was hosting someone I wouldn't insult them.

Screw this kissing their buttz because their Thai... they're rude when they say things like this.

How can u be sure what a Thai person's motivation is? My husband is regularly called both "fat" and "handsome". To me that suggests the two are compatible in some Thais' thinking.

I think you are using your own cultural values to judge the behaviour of Thai people. That is not appropriate and quite unfair.

[contrastingfates]

I found it much worse in India actually.

But I think it's ok to explain to people that their comments hurt your feelings and are offensive.

If they want to be your friend, they will listen to you and refrain from making offensive, hurtful comments in the future.

If they don't listen to you, then they don't want to be your friend, and you don't have to waste any more time or effort on them.

In any case, I think it's ok to tell people when they are offending you. Maybe they don't realize it and it will help them understand.

Personally, I think it is wrong to make offensive comments about people's size, height, skin color, length or lack of hair or other perceived short-comings. I value humor and free expression, but not at the expense of hurting someone's feelings. That is mean-spirited and wrong. And unnecessary. And pointless.

[GuestHouse]

You might say something like 'I got my fiigure from my parents. Just like you got your dark skin from your parents'

That should stem their curiosity.

[Donz]

You might say something like 'I got my fiigure from my parents. Just like you got your dark skin from your parents'

That should stem their curiosity.

But what if she doesnt have dark skin

[Mr Jones]

I have been reading this thread with much interest because I am over 100kg and tallish.

I have not been in Thailand for many years but have visited India twice this year and had the same happen to me,

Sir, you are very white, Sir, you are very big, meaning fat, I usually smile and thank them.

I also made one young lady very happy and a friend for life, I was counting the £50 I had changed into rupees the girl was quite put out thinking that was counting my changed money in case she had cheated me. I explained that I would trust her with my life and I indeed was only counting the money to see what the exchange rate was.

I was quite aware that the £50 that I was changing was more than a months wages for the young lady, I wasn’t aware that offering to buy her a sari that I had seen and I thought she would like was more than just a small gift of friendship, she was/is younger than my granddaughter.

John, my hotel manager got to know about my offer of a small gift, he laughed his head off and told me that by offering to buy the girl cloths was in fact an offer of marriage, he did explain to the girl that I was just a mad Englishman and I had no idea of their culture.

All was forgiven and we are still friends.

[Sheryl]

Just out of curiousity -- what is someone called who is neither thin nor fat, but just right? There doesn't seem to be a word for it, everyone is described as either uan or pom....

[fruittbatt]

Just out of curiousity -- what is someone called who is neither thin nor fat, but just right? There doesn't seem to be a word for it, everyone is described as either uan or pom....

"Madame beautiful every daaaayyyy!" "suay tang loei"

[ImageDude]

It seems from the attached photos (taken in Chiang Rai this month) that the shop owner is fat. So she did something about about it, she opened a shop selling clothes for fat people

I don't know how politically correct that would be in the west.

ImageDude

[HairyPotter]

In Thailand or Asia in general, being fat is not something bad. It means you live a "prosperous" life.

In the old days, food in China and Thailand was scarce. Having enough to eat is a virtue. If you look at Chinese Saints (even the female ones), they tend to be on the round side. The saint of prosperity is the bald smiling guy sitting with a belly portruded out of his robe. I'm sure many of you have seen him before. People rub his statue at the belly area simply for good luck. (That's also why some Thais would come up to you to rub your belly.)

The west is just too obsessed with being thin. "Gluttony" is defined as a sin by christianity. Jesus himself looks extremly on the cross. With images of rail thin models on magazine covers, its no wonder many women in the western hemisphere become insecure.

So I would say.. don't worry too much when they say you are fat.

[MiG16]

another observation after reading all the posts...

most thai girls, especially in bangkok and big towns, are obsessed about being thin. most girls in my office are already skinny, but they constantly worry about putting on weight...and complaining of being 'fat'!!!!

so based on that...when they constantly think they themselves are 'too fat' they genuinely think people who are on the chubby side need to lose weight to look better (and yes sadly...its not about being healthy..but more about looking good

but the bottomline is...they mean well...they tell you so that you can also LOOK BETTER.atleast according to the way they think....

yes there are certain occasions that although being thai myself, I would refer to thais in the third person...in situations where I disagree with the general thai ways...this being one of them

how do you respond? if you want to be a big hit...ask them to recommend their diet technique to you

[robitusson]

Have you guys experienced this not so delightful aspect of "Thai culture" and if so how do you suggest one responds?

Tell them they're too black.

[sbk]

Have you guys experienced this not so delightful aspect of "Thai culture" and if so how do you suggest one responds?

Tell them they're too black.

Very nasty robitusson, very nasty indeed...

I love it

[Head Snake]

I was talking with a western woman in a Singapore bar last night. SHe said there is a real shortage of stores geared to western woman sized clothing.

Do you agree with that for Thailand?

I know a Thai girl who makes clothes and she was present for the conversation.

Do you think there is much of a market for decent playful/sexy clothes in western sizes off the rack. In the "Marks and SPencer" price range?

[Sheryl]

they mean well...they tell you so that you can also LOOK BETTER.atleast according to the way they think....

Yes, this is my understanding of the reason. but what I can't understand is: do they really think people who need to lose weight don't already know it?

I have observed interactions among Thais where one was a bit overweight. Other Thais continually told her about it, apparently in the belief they were being helpful. It was obvious from her reaction that she didn't like this, and it certainly didn't help her lose weight...yet they kept it up! Hard for me to understand....

[sbk]

I don't know Sheryl, I know a Thai woman who is like this and I don't necessarily believe it is all out of the goodness of her heart. My feeling is that it is a very subtle method of putting down her friend who is a bit chubbier than her (and definitely more curvy) in order to make herself feel better about her own appearance and life.

I could be wrong, but I see this on a very regular basis between these two so I dont' think so. Maybe its just her, maybe its a common attitude. I don't know, I only base my opinion on this one person on my observation of her so I couldn't say if its widespread.

[meadish_sweetball]

No matter how we feel about it, *it is not considered rude* by the vast majority of Thais.

If it were rude, they would not say it.

Appropriate answer: "Yes, I know I am fat, thanks for pointing out the obvious though. But in the future, dont say this to farang, especially farang women, as it considered very rude. Similar to what you would feel if I threw things at you instead of handing them to you, patted you on the head or pointed at you with my feet."

[sbk]

If it were a casual comment, it would not be rude, but the case Sheryl points out and the one I see on a regular basis is continuing comments by certain people. Beyond just the casual "You are fat". This is far more harrassing and long term and usually focussed from one "friend" to another.

[alexth]

Admit it

[pumpuiman]

When pumpuiman is told he is pumpui by a lady of ill repute....I like to say.....my belly goes away..***edited***

***edited by sbk***

lets keep it polite please

[fruittbatt]

When pumpuiman is told he is pumpui by a lady of ill repute....I like to say.....my belly goes away..***edited***

***edited by sbk***

lets keep it polite please

I didn't know that sex-workers were still called "ladies of ill-repute". How quaint! When I hear this expression I marvel at the hypocrisy of the client making such a judgment.

I do hope your belly does go away, followed slowly by the rest of you.

[rainx]

The word for not fat and not thin is “poh dee” (just right). If a thai person tells you that you are not fat but “poh dee”, I think sometimes it means just that but it can also mean “You are fat, but I am trying to avoid hurting your feelings.”

I notice that friends and relatives will tell each other repeatedly they are fat, and I think they do so to motivate the fat friend to lose weight. Call it tough love. They want you to look your best. When you do lose some weight, they tell you that you look better. Same way for thinness. Older thai women will tell a thin younger woman she is thin, and if the thin woman gains weight, the older women do praise her progress. Body weight is something people can change. Kind friends will never tell each other, “Your skin is so dark. Go get a skin bleach.” Or “Your nose is too flat. Go get a plastic surgery.” Or “Gee, Grandma, consider a face lift?” (Um, the availability of skin bleach and plastic surgery would render such undesirable physical aspects changeable and thus the tough love theory invalid.)

And of course, there are also those nasty people who remind others of their fatness, feigning good intention but in fact just trying to gain the sense of superiority.

OTOH, young thai women are generally pleased when someone tells them they are thin. If you want to be popular, tell a young thai woman, “You are so thin. Get yourself something to eat!” (No kidding. An old woman at a dental clinic once told me that, and I just smiled and said thank you.)

PS. I weighed 42 kg then. Now I weigh 45. I have to stop eating. For Thai women, 50 kg is already on the chubby side.

PPS. Some Buddhists believe that a white lie is still a lie and thus a bad karma, but verbally abusing others is also a bad karma. From the Buddhist point of view, it would be a bad karma to tell someone she is fat when your opinion is not solicited.

[rainx]

Why can't they try to respect some of our cultures? We're guests in their country, but they're hosts. If I was hosting someone I wouldn't insult them.

Screw this kissing their buttz because their Thai... they're rude when they say things like this.

Am I missing something here?

Thailand has guests from all over the world; some are Western, Asians, Africans, Muslims, Mormons, etc. How do you expect Thai people to accommodate a variety of cultures?

If a Thai person is in your country and he or she tells your countrymen that they should respect the Thai culture because he is a guest and they are the host, how do you think your countrymen would react?

[Sheryl]

I don't know Sheryl, I know a Thai woman who is like this and I don't necessarily believe it is all out of the goodness of her heart. My feeling is that it is a very subtle method of putting down her friend who is a bit chubbier than her (and definitely more curvy) in order to make herself feel better about her own appearance and life.

I could be wrong, but I see this on a very regular basis between these two so I dont' think so. Maybe its just her, maybe its a common attitude. I don't know, I only base my opinion on this one person on my observation of her so I couldn't say if its widespread.

SBK, I have seen what you describe but I have also seen cases where not one but a whole circle of friends -- people I know to be well-meaning -- keep telling an overweight person that they are fat in the apparent belief that they are "helping" despite the fact that it is clear that the person resents it and that it isn't helping in the least. I think 2 things are at work in this. One, is a cultural difference in views of individual autonomy vs the role of the group. In the West we view a social circle as a voluntary network of individuals who retain the right to make their own decisions. The group's proper role is to be supportive, give advice if asked and otherwise keep their opinions to themselves, respecting the right of each individual member to make their own choices. In Thailand (and elsewhere in Asia) the group takes precedence over the individual who is expected to conform to the wishes and views of the group, which has the right -- even the obligation -- to tell members what to do. The other factor is a general lack of awareness about the complexity of weight issues and dynamics of eating disorders. The public as a whole is just not sensitized to these things and it is still assumed that it is just a simple matter of choice and will power. I'm sure this will change in the near future as eating disorders of all kinds are increasingly common among Thais.

A different matter entirely (from a Thai persepctive -- tends to feel the same on the farang receiving end) is the Thai custom of always remarking on changes in a person's weight upon meeting them again after a period of absence. In this case the person is, in my experience, always described as having gained or lost weight, even if they have done neither, and the remarks are comparative not necessarily valuative (i.e. saying you have gained or lost does not necessarily imply too fat or too thin). This seems to be simply a custom, a sign of friendly interest akin to the Western habit of saying "you look great!" whether true or not. I agree though that it is nonetheless highly annoying and even harmful from the perspective of a farang who is weight conscious, as many of us are. Discouraging to hear you look like you've gained weight when you know you have, with great effort, lost a few pouinds. And dangerous to hear you look like you've lost when in fact you have gained and were about to go on a diet.... The baffling part is that the comments are factually wrong more often than not. Which I guess just goes to show they shouldn't be taken literally.

[gisele]

In my tour guide class there is a student who is quite a big man, like a rugby player. On a regular basis, and this during student presentations, the other students refer to him as the elephant or pig.

One group presented a safari like tour and pointed at him during the presentation as the elephant in the jungle.

He laughs, he is kind hearted, but I think he feels hurt about it. I saw his expression change yesterday when they talked about the pig and pointed to him.

But the whole class thinks it's funny so he laughs too.

[dgoz]

When pumpuiman is told he is pumpui by a lady of ill repute....I like to say.....my belly goes away..***edited***

***edited by sbk***

lets keep it polite please

I didn't know that sex-workers were still called "ladies of ill-repute". How quaint! When I hear this expression I marvel at the hypocrisy of the client making such a judgment.

I do hope your belly does go away, followed slowly by the rest of you.

I like to use the term "ladies of questionable virtue".

I was at a Miss whatever beauty contest in Isaan last week for 15-18 year olds and all of the 10 contestants were very tall and with larger body sizes than what we've come to expect from Thai girls.

This new generation is going to be Farang-sized IMO.

One of the girls was very tall; 6f'+ and when she stood up to give her speach the entire crowd laughed at her size.

[Donz]

When pumpuiman is told he is pumpui by a lady of ill repute....I like to say.....my belly goes away..***edited***

***edited by sbk***

lets keep it polite please

I didn't know that sex-workers were still called "ladies of ill-repute". How quaint! When I hear this expression I marvel at the hypocrisy of the client making such a judgment.

I do hope your belly does go away, followed slowly by the rest of you.

I like to use the term "ladies of questionable virtue".

I was at a Miss whatever beauty contest in Isaan last week for 15-18 year olds and all of the 10 contestants were very tall and with larger body sizes than what we've come to expect from Thai girls.

This new generation is going to be Farang-sized IMO.

One of the girls was very tall; 6f'+ and when she stood up to give her speach the entire crowd laughed at her size.

Are you sure they are ladies? but I agree many of the younger ones are getting taller it seems