Intellectual Whore

[SoiBiker]

1 minute ago, daveAustin said:

Op - if this is genuine and you're really a woman - you sound complicated, confused, annoyed and difficult. This unapproachable, entitled me-me-me persona and disdain for males in general is what puts men off western females and a major reason more western men are seeking out real, easy going Asian women who know how to treat a man (not necessarily talking prostitutes).

 

In short, it is likely those that have shown you open hostility have had to deal with all that garbage in their previous life. For those that do fancy you; what’s the big deal, you already said you were attractive, what do you expect? It’s akin to the reaction of a stunning woman that gets all dolled up and shows herself off only to castigate a man for eyeing them. If you’re that prissy type, I'd just ignore anyone that gets in your sphere and keep to myself.

 

I get on well with western women here, but admit am standoffish to strangers for the above reasons – they might think I’m coming on to them and wouldn’t want them flattering themselves. I’m fairly decent (still young-ish) and don't have trouble in charming women of either culture, but find I have little time for all that nowadays even when back in my home country. All that = complicated, entitled, difficult.

 

Moral: I think you should lighten up, don't be so annoyed western men fancy Asian women, and just be thankful men are paying you any attention to you at all, or perhaps try out a more suitable pasture. 

 

If the content of your post is any guide, you're not quite as charming to women as you might think.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

8 hours ago, garryjohns said:

+1  ..and IMO , only the use of "whore" threw things out of kilter a bit ,but otherwise the OP was clear in what she expressed.

 

It wasn't however clear what she actually wanted, or how she expected (or would like) things to be. 

 

From the other content though, it may be something like: 

 

* I don't want men who are in a relationship to talk to me.  When they do, this is disingenuous, cheating and/or taking advantage.

* I don't want to be friends with men who are in a relationship, and men who offer friendship are disingenuous, cheating and/or taking advantage.

 

And that was the clear part.  Less clear, but pretty apparent was the racism: 

 

* Thai women are good for cooking, cleaning and sex.  They couldn't possibly fulfill intellectual needs like a Western woman can.

 

I'd like to think it's a troll post (use of the "LOS" acronym tends to give that away), just that overall it's too brilliantly done to be one. 

 

[LivinLOS]

1 hour ago, SoiBiker said:

But of course, you don't have any issues about western women...

 

 

Not especially.. I have female friends back in the west, both single ones and married.. I dont know many here, probably because they are fairly rare, not often my age group, and I dont have much interest in the kind of BS thats evident in so many of the contributions so far. 

 

Oddly one of my single friends in the UK made it very clear there was a 'with benefits' on offer, despite knowing full well I am married. Oh the outrage, I should feel like a 'whore' just by declining whats essentially a compliment. 

 

See I have friends who are single, married, black, white, straight and gay.. What I dont have time for in any of them is hypocrisy and double standards, if you claim to have issues with both sides of a problem I think the issues are your own. 

[sharktooth]

rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb...

[jpinx]

2 hours ago, SoiBiker said:

But of course, you don't have any issues about western women...

Of course not - unless the woman wants me to have issues so that she has something to complain about.

Many years ago my mother told me not to bother with complaining women, they are attention-seeking but ultimately unsatisfiable.

There is a world full of good people who accept that they are in control of their lives and they can change it to avoid the worst of the annoyances that come up.  If you don't like where you are in your life, move it around and get happy. 

It's all about projections -- complaining this much without taking action is a clear indicator of a person who *enjoys* being miserable. :)

[NancyL]

Some time ago on the Immigration thread, and I hadn`t long joined TV,  Nancy called me a very obscene name that even in real life no one has ever called me that before and since I lost all respect and trust for her. I also think that you girls are taking your lives in Chiang Mai far too seriously and that you need to chill out. Women can also be one of the lads, meaning a part of a group, mixing with both men and women, singles, marrieds of any age groups and then just let nature take it`s course and see how events go. If women suspect that men or even other women are trying to put them down, then they must treat them with the contempt they deserve, the women considering themselves as a higher order and that those tos**rs are not even worth a second thought. This is what I meant by me feeling content with the way I am and that I always feel good about myself, proud of my independence and achievements, and if there are people who look me down, they can take the finger and shove it where the sun don`t shine, I don`t care because no one pays my bills or puts food on my table.
 
There are decent guys and girls out there and there are also people that are a load of crap, all come in many nationalities, both sexes, ages, shapes and sizes, it`s just a case of filtering out the dregs from the good stuff. To find happiness in Chiang Mai one has to have faith in themselves and not give a toss about other people`s opinions that includes what one sex thinks of the other because not everyone thinks that way, probably the majority.
 
My Thai GF and me have been together a long time and although not in each others pockets, we do do are own things, we love each other very much and I have many good friends all I have met in Chiang Mai over my years here and my hand is always extended to the friendship of others, whether men or women and if anyone comes over to me for a chat, I enjoy it as much as they do, sometimes it can be therapeutic that doesn`t mean people who enjoy chatting with strangers are sad lonely old people of have ulterior motives. That`s about all I can say on this matter, getting bored with this now and hope I have explained to you in a satisfactory way. 

Oh wow. I never "called you an obscene name" in the Imm. thread. Just shows where your mind is at. The term I used is "the C word" and I meant corruption. How else would you describe CM Imm? (I doubt they're reading this thread.)

Sent from my SM-G930F using Thaivisa Connect mobile app

[SoiBiker]

1 hour ago, jpinx said:

Of course not - unless the woman wants me to have issues so that she has something to complain about.

Many years ago my mother told me not to bother with complaining women, they are attention-seeking but ultimately unsatisfiable.

There is a world full of good people who accept that they are in control of their lives and they can change it to avoid the worst of the annoyances that come up.  If you don't like where you are in your life, move it around and get happy. 

It's all about projections -- complaining this much without taking action is a clear indicator of a person who *enjoys* being miserable. :)

 

Thaivisa. Where men can moan endlessly about a country that for some reason they insist on remaining in, but a woman can't start a conversation without being told to stop complaining.

[Simbaya]

Boy, I HAVE been "overthinking things."

 

And I don't mean this sarcastically, either.

 

Today, I "got it," the penny dropped, the light bulb switched on.  And the answer was so simple.

 

When I woke up this morning, I had the solution to my question: Why some western men seem to disparage us farang women, yet seek us out  (intellectually or otherwise) for "something on the side."

 

First, let me preface this with saying, I do know the difference between a man saying he'd like me to meet his wife sometime, ask me to a group activity, or otherwise indicate he's being entirely above-board with me.  Truly, I know the difference.

 

I'm talking about the invitation that just seems a little illicit.  The kind of invitation that I'm pretty sure that wife/GF won't be hearing about, OK?

 

Anyway, my epiphany actually came to me in the form of a Venn diagram, believe it or not!

 

Here's how I was overthinking it:

 

I was thinking in terms of how some FARANG men disparage us FARANG women.  I was thinking of how some FARANG men also seemed to seek out an "intellectual" (or other) affair with us, quite possibly not revealing this to their THAI wives/GFs.

 

And although these were not the exact same men, I knew they were *potentially* the same (kind of) man, but I couldn't quite see how this "love/hate" dichotomy worked.

 

That's because it's not a dichotomy--it's an inter-relationship.

 

Here's where the Venn diagram comes in.

 

Picture one circle representing farang men who disparage us.  The men who have told me to "go home," called me a fat pig, the men who've trashed me and other women on this and other forums.

 

Picture the other circle representing men who are (IMO) not being exactly fair or truthful to their wives by asking to take me out or call me (in what seems kinda like a down-low deal).

 

The intersection of these two circles is the crux of it:

 

MEN WHO DON'T FULLY RESPECT WOMEN (farang OR their Thai wives).

 

Well, DUH!

 

Why couldn't I see it was as simple as that?  

 

There are men like this everywhere, not just LOS (although I would argue we have a lion's share here).

 

There are women everywhere who are guilty of the same or similar behavior as well.

 

Again, DUH!

 

To all the men who have followed this thread and have felt offended, please remember that I never said all, most, or even many men engaged in these behaviors--I said SOME me do.

 

To the nice guys, please accept my olive branch.

 

I honestly have been trying to work through this phenomenon. Thinking aloud in this forum, receiving feedback--good and bad--help me see the glaringly obvious facts.

 

So thanks to everyone.  I sincerely mean it.

 

That's the last word from me.  I'm out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

10 hours ago, Simbaya said:

We're starting a new year, folks, and it would be nice to see more civility amongst our community.

 

I'll continue to try if you will.

 

Simbaya

 

 

It's nice that the OP came back for a follow-up post and conversation. And I'd second her call for some more civility among the folks posting here. There are times when it would be very much called for.

 

There also is a thing called EMPATHY that often seems to be in short supply here. You don't necessarily have to agree with someone's viewpoint, but at least you might try to understand and recognize that other people may have legitimately different experiences and perceptions from your own.

 

So I'd say, how about some more empathy and civility around these parts to start the New Year!!!

[NancyL]

Simbaya, I'm glad you've worked this out in your mind. As I said earlier I can't match you TV name with you so I didn't know if you are one of those foreign women who are bothered with Thai/Western pairs. You say not so OK.

It finally dawned on you that some men are cads no matter where they live. As I mentioned, I know some women who retired here with their husbands, only to have the husband "run off" with a young Thai woman during the first year.

They may blame Thai women, but in truth the marriage had problems before they got here. It wasn't the first time the husband strayed.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Thaivisa Connect mobile app

[jpinx]

27 minutes ago, SoiBiker said:

 

Thaivisa. Where men can moan endlessly about a country that for some reason they insist on remaining in, but a woman can't start a conversation without being told to stop complaining.

Nice but the same recipe applies.  If you don't like the scenery, move.  I come back to this thread for entertainment, but if it annoyed me as much as it appears to annoy some posters, I'd just ignore it  :)  The start of this conversation was - to put it mildly - very obscure, and I believe has been edited whilst the conversation goes on, so it's a bit tricky to know who's complaining about what.

[jpinx]

Oh -- it looks like a solution has been found.  I have no idea what it is, but then I am not into intellectualising human relationships -- they're far too organic :)

[SoiBiker]

4 minutes ago, jpinx said:

Nice but the same recipe applies.  If you don't like the scenery, move.  I come back to this thread for entertainment, but if it annoyed me as much as it appears to annoy some posters, I'd just ignore it  :)  The start of this conversation was - to put it mildly - very obscure, and I believe has been edited whilst the conversation goes on, so it's a bit tricky to know who's complaining about what.

 

I thought the OP made her initial point quite clearly - not sure where the confusion comes from.

[lannarebirth]

7 minutes ago, jpinx said:

Oh -- it looks like a solution has been found.  I have no idea what it is, but then I am not into intellectualising human relationships -- they're far too organic :)

 

The solution is, that the OP's problems are the fault of others. Was anyone expecting anything else?

[amykat]

5 hours ago, LivinLOS said:

 

How a prostate massage feels.. 

 

I dont for a second presume to know 'everything' about the experiences of another gender.. But in such true to form fashion.. You do.. 

 

Really? Do you think this is making your point? Do I have to BE YOU and do everything you have DONE to be able to be your friend and sit around and talk with you?  If this wasn't a public forum I would speak much more directly in a language that would catch your attention better.  You can cut the comments that I seem arrogant to assume that the two genders can be true friends.  You are clearly ignorant and narrow minded.  I'm sure every woman on the planet would not make a good friend for you  ...just like every man on the planet would not be a good match either.

 

Take as an example, that there are very few female fighter pilots in the world today.  They might have a lot in common with their male fighter pilots.  But if those men exclude that one woman because she did not experience a prostate massage when they were all in Thailand ...do you think that makes good sense?

[jpinx]

11 minutes ago, SoiBiker said:

 

I thought the OP made her initial point quite clearly - not sure where the confusion comes from.

You mean this bit?

".........In essence, why do some men show their contempt for me at times, only to ask for my intellectual company other times? ........."

That has been answered umpteen times already -- a person is allowed to be who they are on any day of the week.  The OP expects people to be the same all the time? How boring is that?

[jpinx]

2 minutes ago, amykat said:

 

Really? Do you think this is making your point? Do I have to BE YOU and do everything you have DONE to be able to be your friend and sit around and talk with you?  If this wasn't a public forum I would speak much more directly in a language that would catch your attention better.  You can cut the comments that I seem arrogant to assume that the two genders can be true friends.  You are clearly ignorant and narrow minded.  I'm sure every woman on the planet would not make a good friend for you  ...just like every man on the planet would not be a good match either.

 

Take as an example, that there are very few female fighter pilots in the world today.  They might have a lot in common with their male fighter pilots.  But if those men exclude that one woman because she did not experience a prostate massage when they were all in Thailand ...do you think that makes good sense?

Nice logic warp :)  But everyone knows that Thailand is full of ex-fighter pilots and special forces operatives.  :)

 

[Bill97]

OP


It is not the intersection of your two circles that is the crux, it is your perception that there is a large size area of overlap.

You are wrong to think that we have a lions share here. We may have a lot in relation to the total here but to suggest that is a large share of of men everywhere is absurd.

Your expressed attitude about Thai women is offensive to a degree rivaling the attitudes of men you find offensive.

Best wishes for more insight/revelation after another nights sleep.

[Chicog]

So after all this, a couple of women have worked out that some men are misogynistic twits.
 

Here's a newsflash for you: Some women are androphobes, too.

 

Both subsets are quite easily avoided.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[SoiBiker]

I used to be an androphobe. Then I met an Andrew, and realised they're not so scary after all.

[amykat]

5 hours ago, LivinLOS said:

 

 

Its a web forum.. Toughen up buttercup.. Dear god dpont ever stray onto some really confrontational spaces online.. 

 

Notice its not the men asking for the moderation to be tougher ?? So which is it... We need to toughen up or we are too tough ??

 

Yes, the men aren't asking for moderation to be tougher because there are almost no women members and we don't target you for abuse ...just like there are almost no black members and the KKK isn't on here.

 

However, I am a fairly benign member and I have had some of the most outrageous and outspoken members here, report me for offending them, who also know I am woman, so I think that would be fairly embarrassing for them, and they should just suck it up like a man, but they didn't, they went crying to Mommy!!!  I have almost never done that here!!  I just take it like a man!!

 

[SoiBiker]

I think some guys would prefer women not to have opinions at all - or at least not to make them feel uncomfortable by voicing them here in their safe space.

[amykat]

5 hours ago, LivinLOS said:

 

And its men who are demonstrating the low opinion of the other sex.. 

 

 

 Yes, what is your problem?  Am I supposed to give awards out to the greatness of all men in Thailand and pretend you are all something even better than in the rest of the world??  Men do this everywhere ..have you not heard  ...Mr. Prostate Massage who thinks I can't go out with you because you will shock the hell out me with your stories???

[sharktooth]

7 minutes ago, amykat said:

 

Yes, the men aren't asking for moderation to be tougher because there are almost no women members and we don't target you for abuse ...just like there are almost no black members and the KKK isn't on here.

 

However, I am a fairly benign member and I have had some of the most outrageous and outspoken members here, report me for offending them, who also know I am woman, so I think that would be fairly embarrassing for them, and they should just suck it up like a man, but they didn't, they went crying to Mommy!!!  I have almost never done that here!!  I just take it like a man!!

 

 

Suck it up like a man? Errrrrm, I think you've been mixing with the wrong "men"

[true blue]

8 minutes ago, amykat said:

 

Yes, the men aren't asking for moderation to be tougher because there are almost no women members and we don't target you for abuse ...just like there are almost no black members and the KKK isn't on here.

 

However, I am a fairly benign member and I have had some of the most outrageous and outspoken members here, report me for offending them, who also know I am woman, so I think that would be fairly embarrassing for them, and they should just suck it up like a man, but they didn't, they went crying to Mommy!!!  I have almost never done that here!!  I just take it like a 

 

Very anal that.

 

[lannarebirth]

14 minutes ago, amykat said:

 

Yes, the men aren't asking for moderation to be tougher because there are almost no women members and we don't target you for abuse ...just like there are almost no black members and the KKK isn't on here.

 

However, I am a fairly benign member and I have had some of the most outrageous and outspoken members here, report me for offending them, who also know I am woman, so I think that would be fairly embarrassing for them, and they should just suck it up like a man, but they didn't, they went crying to Mommy!!!  I have almost never done that here!!  I just take it like a man!!

 

 

While I may not agree with each and every of your points, I applaud you for at least having the guts to finish the fight the OP started with some cheap shots and then ran away from.

[mamborobert]

I have some empathy with the OP.

 

Most times I sit down for a beer I am acosted by a Thai female for conversation.  After a while it becomes predicatable conversation and I fee like an intelelctual whore..

 

"What's your name"

"Where you come from"

"How long you stay Chiang Mai"

"You have wife or girlfirend"

"You like Thai lady"

"You buy me drink"

"You want lady"

"I go with you"

"you buy me **** (multiple selections Iphone, car, house etc)"

Excuse my facetiousness.

 

But I still go back ....because it's just a conversation...that is all.  A person's perception makes it one way or another.  Same for light chit chat at the Expat Club, Post Office, Rimping, Tops, Big C etc etc etc

 

Sure there are some social lepers to be avoided, but they were social lepers in their home country.  They did not become social lepers due to being in Thailand, or my gender, or by being in a queue at Rimping.  They woke up that morning as social lepers.  Happened the day before.  Will happen tomorrow.

 

A passing conversation in a queue can be polite social (dare I say) intercourse.  It could also be a social leper.  But it is up to ME how I perceive and deal with it.

 

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

 

 

[amykat]

2 hours ago, jpinx said:

Of course not - unless the woman wants me to have issues so that she has something to complain about.

Many years ago my mother told me not to bother with complaining women, they are attention-seeking but ultimately unsatisfiable.

There is a world full of good people who accept that they are in control of their lives and they can change it to avoid the worst of the annoyances that come up.  If you don't like where you are in your life, move it around and get happy. 

It's all about projections -- complaining this much without taking action is a clear indicator of a person who *enjoys* being miserable. :)

 

Maybe this is taking ACTION. 

[AlexRich]

1 hour ago, NancyL said:

Simbaya, I'm glad you've worked this out in your mind. As I said earlier I can't match you TV name with you so I didn't know if you are one of those foreign women who are bothered with Thai/Western pairs. You say not so OK.

It finally dawned on you that some men are cads no matter where they live. As I mentioned, I know some women who retired here with their husbands, only to have the husband "run off" with a young Thai woman during the first year.

They may blame Thai women, but in truth the marriage had problems before they got here. It wasn't the first time the husband strayed.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Thaivisa Connect mobile app
 

 

Plenty of western women stray, that type of behaviour is not exclusive to men. 

 

[AlexRich]

44 minutes ago, jpinx said:

Nice logic warp :)  But everyone knows that Thailand is full of ex-fighter pilots and special forces operatives.  :)

 

 

I was talking to my ex-SAS colleagues the other day and they said the same thing ...